Dane‘s Journey out of Darkness

Yes bro, we can. Its ok to fall but its absolutely necessary to get back up and fight again. We’ve got this man. Lets keep fighting back.

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That’s true, I just don’t understand why I can’t make it back to a higher streak again. For some reason it’s really hard to make it over 10 and above. Well need to make a new plan when reach the 1 week mark that I don’t always fall into the same Trap over and over.

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Bro, its always harder to overcome first few days. After first week, it gets easier. That happens with me all the time. Either I get a 30-40 day streak or I relapse 3-4 times every other day.

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Thursday 25.02.2021

Day 1

Picked myself up from the fall but I felt drained and weak the whole day.
Typical signs from PMO what I expected. So I was not in the Mood to do anything , no energy jet. Oh and ye sleeping schedule is bad again guess I’ll set this back on important things to fix.

On Friday we drive to my sister after long time no real see, iam very excited about that and that make me more busy.

Take care brothers :v:t2:

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Bro never give up. On any thind do not give up​:jack_o_lantern::jack_o_lantern::jack_o_lantern:

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Monday 01.03.2021

Day 5

My sister was here for the weekend, the weather was good so we went out visiting the Wildpark :deer::herb:🪵

We talked and laughed a lot I missed that. It was helping overcome sadness about the relapse, also I was to busy to fall into the chaiser effect.

Sleeping schedule still bad , working on it though. Anxiety level wasn’t the best aswell , once almost got a panic attack while I got tested for covid, we did that before take my Sister Home because we live different places to make sure all is ok. Result was we all don’t have covid, thanks god. But still it was a tough situation for me to handle.

My confidence is slowly coming back I feel it, I need to watch out for this so i dont fall into the tap again❗️

Stay strong brothers peace :v:t2:

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Tuesday 02.03.2021

Day 6

Hello brothers today is very bad, it’s not official but for me it is with that reaction.

Had again Stress with Girlfriend per WhatsApp, long story short I asked something I already asked a week before, my memories are not the best and I have trouble remember numbers.

This resulted in triggering her, and she started disrespecting me and send stupid smileys and downtalking me. It’s something she always do when have a bad day at work or somehow is unhappy with anything what didn’t run to her favor.

Well as I saw where the conversation goes and that she will use me again as stress relief, I reacted pissed :rage: and told her she destroyes everything with that stupid fights on WhatsApp every few weeks, and Iam sick and tired of that everytime.

I said that still in a somehow respectful manner. But she blocked me instant after that msg!

Actually this is for me the same as a breakup, it’s the easy way and very disrespectful to break up. Even when she did not said anything, I guess it’s a clear sign.

I sended her a sms after blocked, and told her how disrespectful this is against me and that I don’t deserve this!
Plus I made clear that she was going to far this time and iam not coming back to her.

Maybe this was useless msg, dunno if it was going tru… anyways iam just not a human which react like her , maybe my weakpoint.

I need Much strength now to overcome this, I love her she was the first woman I let come close to me after a long relationship years ago. But there is no hope for us I need to let go and this is the hardest for me.

Tough times are coming now feeling really shit but it is was it is, now trying to sleep some.

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Bro, this is a tough phase. Yes, she was at the fault with the way she was treating you. Disrespecting somebody whom you claim to love is not good. But, maybe you two could take it slow. There was no need to take such a big decision so hastily. One has to make sacrifices to keep the relationships going, if you can be a part of her good moments then you’ll have to be her companion in bad moments too.Probably you could meet her in real life and try to sort out things, tell her about how you feel when she sends insulting messages and tell her that you are there for her in any moment, good or bad but not at the cost of your dignity. Taking such big decisions online via whatsapp is idiotic tbh. And whatsapp is a disease anyways.
Anyhow, if she can understand the problem and be willing to solve it, then give her a chance, but if not then you’ll have to move ahead. Bro, work on yourself. See why these people have the audacity to insult you and try to change that. Upgrade your job skills, study, workout, take good care of yourself, eat and sleep well and stop doing PMO. Give yourself some time. You’ll be fine. Take care.

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Right now I can’t do anything about it, it’s not the first time she act like that. She can’t handle criticism. She blocks me while I was defending myself that she always use me as stress relief , that sucks I need to stop :raised_hand: this toxic shit from her. I was thinking about it this Night, I made absolutely no misstake on this Situation what gives her the right to block me it’s just dumb. I deserve better woman who respect me and don’t use me as stress relief. I have the chance to meet her irl but to be honest Iam not Interested. Iam waiting now till the emotions go down and see if she search contact to me, but iam pretty much sure it won’t Happen anything we done for. It’s very important that I go forward now and don’t let this pull me down it’s the last thing I need right now.

I’ll keep you up to date thanks for careing brother :pray:

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Its ok brother. As I said there can be nothing for which you should compromise your dignity. Just look after yourself and don’t let this affect your further life.
Take care bro.

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Wednesday 03.03.2021

Day 7

1 week mark arrived, I tried to dont fall in depression because this tough situation right now. It worked 50% , the other half I was thinking a lot why this is happening to me. Trying to move forwards but I feel stuck. I feel hurt :disappointed: and questioning why this happen to me? No answers found. Do I put myself into those situations? I know how to care about others but don’t know how to care about myself. Iam trying to find this out jet. First I hope gf is searching contact to me when a bit time past, with that block she may wants distancing from me , and I give her space. It will consume time for me to accept this situation somehow but I try my best!

Best of luck for everyone.

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Bro, don’t expect her to search for you. I’m sorry, but I’ll have to be brutally honest to you that you’re wasting your time, energy and thoughts if you have any expectations from her. Truth is, today every female gets so much attention that they can easily afford to date several men together without one knowing anything about the other, and hence they can easily afford to lose one of their boyfriends if they don’t give up their dignity to please the “princess”. Stop fooling yourself. She is gone. Take a look at your deteriorated self-worth and dignity, you don’t deserve it. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Arguments are ok, fights are ok, but disrespecting someone to feel better about oneself is absolutely the lowest form of act a human can do. You didn’t do anything wrong. Now, its time to get up and work for yourself. I told you how to begin with exercises, restart that. Eat healthy food. Sleep properly. Watch light hearted movies and good movies. Study or upgrade your job skills to increase your employability. Keep yourself clean, shower everyday, wear clean clothes, shave/ trim your facial hairs, look after your skin and hairs. Do whatever makes you feel happier. That is how you love yourself. That is how you care about yourself. Caring for others is very easy, but caring for yourself is harder. But you can do it. Forget women, just do your job. Look at yourself and try to be better everyday. No matter how small the change, let it be a positive one. We are here standing with you.

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Thank you brother for your honest opinion this help me a lot and you are right with everything you said I will follow this no matter how hard it will be! :pray:

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Have faith and keep working on your self.

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Its easy to blame yourself when we feel low. But only we can get ourselves out of the mess. By not submitting to demons we strengthen ourselves. Bad times are temporary and they are what makes you “you”. As swami vivekananda said (paraphrasing) “I don’t want an easy life, I want the strength to endure a tough one”

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Your right brother I use this as life lesson and I have so much to do for myself to get grounded, putting this on my todo list on the first place. Life can be short guess I forget this to often, need to make my life good aslong god gave me to gift to be here.

Much love to you brothers i feel much better today god save you all :heart:

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Thursday 04.03.2021

Day 8

My Heart is broken but I don’t cry.
Iam not arrived jet in reality. It feels like a bad dream I want to wake up from.

Memories came up, the good times.
And the bad times. I was going tru hell to get her. I took so much pain on my soul before we came together. She was married before we found us, but also in the breakup phase from the old marriage, I don’t know the word for it. So technically she was not free jet while I meet her. Still I waited and took all the Pain till she finally was free. I believe no other Men would have done this on my situation. I waited almost 2 years till our Relationship can be shown to public. I suffered and destroyed myself with this that’s what I start realize now. Sure pmo addiction I had before all that too but I was working hard , safe money , and had Disziplin. I didn’t care about woman before her no matter if a woman was very pretty, I took distance from woman’s till I saw her. I builded a big wall around my hearth before I meed her, because my old relationship was going bad aswell 6 years. It took me ages to set myself free from that. But ye she stole my hearth instant that’s what makes this whole thing so bad.

There are many aspects why I love her, and I think she love me too, she gave up her complete old life for me etc but I know now that we can’t be together right now or maybe never. It’s not the right moment, paperwise she is free from her old marriage but mentally I think she suffer from it and this wounds are not healed. That’s why we always end in trouble.

Anyway it’s not a normal relationship for me there is a big history behind. And if she feels the same then we have to go ahead both.

And maybe we have another chance when the wounds are healed but I don’t wait for that anymore, I will move forward now and look for myself. Iam not Building hate up, it is what it is.

Plan for now:

Sleeping schedule fix
Workouts
Check for jobs
Less gaming
Haircut

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Thats tough even to read. I hope you get through it and rise even stronger

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Friday 05.03.2021

Day 9

It’s early in the morning, I played way to long games this night, talked much with friends also to keep myself busy and distracted. The good thing it worked, I had a few laughs and forgot the stress for a moment. But I found myself later on checking WhatsApp if I can see her Profil picture, signs to be unblocked.

I don’t know how long it will take me to accept this „art“ of breakup and move on but I try. I mean it’s just a few days ago , the last relationship break we had was almost 4 weeks, no talking either. I remember that I told her before I would like to know if she thinks it’s not matching between us anymore and the love is gone etc so we can break up the right way.

I mean what’s so hard to say, it’s over I don’t want anymore? Well i try to accept it how it is now. But obviously iam butthurt about it tbh👎🏻

Really need to let go some days / weeks to start dealing with that. Still had few prositiv moments today and not to forget I had strong urges to pmo but I counted it very good. Checked YouTube how to cut myself hair the result is decent for the first time :sweat_smile:

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Wait… U broke up?. Weren’t you back with your girl?