Day 0
I relapsed today which sucks of course, my biggest Problem is Overconfidence after reaching the 1 Week Mark.
It’s not the first time I fall because of this and I need to conquer this badly.
I need to work on Myself more, at the Moment I just sit on my Computer and play Games all day long.
Missing my Girlfriend since we take a break from our Relationship. We don’t talk right now and everyone does his on stuff till we can start from zero.
So Depression is real on a Daily Basis.
Anyways it’s not all bad! First things first i have my sleep schedule fixed pretty much, this took me so long since i Lost my job and don’t do anything over the Day.
I will get back on track in no time, my motivation will rise after 1 week. And then I come back even stronger I never give up!
Soon hit 2 days, going to bed pretty late today which I don’t like, guess it’s just to easy say yes to friends when playing games as say no I have to leave. Overall I was a little productive today, went with mum buying food, going out in a small shop. Felt abit insecure for a few min but it was manageable
Still no contact with gf , when going to sleep I think about her , that I miss her alot on my side , but ye i will not write anything for a while to stay focused on myself that’s now important , I want to be happy with myself first that’s number 1 rule now for me.
Also i try not to be angry about something, it’s helps a lot to stay always calm no matter what topics. I used to rage fast before even on small things like politics or anything. This casing Stress for no reason and lead to bad feeling over the day , that’s what I learned. I pick now 1 good thing from every day to motivate myself that not everything is shit in this world to fight Depression!
Yep I messed up once again
Shame on me I deserve it!
No time to reflect what happend.
I was in a good mood the whole day, took a bath to relax myself. After this I called my sister it’s her birthday and she don’t live with us anymore so it was a bit raff not see her irl due Covid pandemic. But we had a blast and laugh abit on phone so it was fine.
Then I went to Pc for video games, I wonder if I not addicted to this aswell?
Anyways I stoped playing in time today no overdose playing till night.
So I went before sleep and journaling watching Twitch tv. I like check there some streamers before sleep , but I ended up looking some girl dancing 🤦🏼 After see this I was defeated and the urges took control , i was again in this „I don’t give a damn“ Modus and checked for nudes
The rest is history i don’t have to explain, not that I relapsed only, no I did also this bad habit again , the old cycle of PMO
Start again now what can I say
I felt but I really gonna save this in my mind now how it happens so I can avoid it next time.
I stop watching Twitch for now , it has to many triggering content. I did the same with Instagram longer time ago and it worked well!
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day, Had a date with Girlfriend for a Parkwalk. I was very excited about this how it goes because we have not spoken few weeks before ( Relationship break ).
So I went to her with my Flowers and hoped for the best. I was nervous as fuck, kinda felt like the first Day we meet!
There we go I stand on her door and my heart was going very fast . I was really scared but ye she open Door and invited me come in!
We had a long emotional Hug and kissed, it was amazing, I felt her love again and that she missed me. She also said that to me which she normally don’t do much! Overall she was more open talking as usually I liked that and missed that from her.
We went to the couch and we came us more and more closer , the emotions cooked up so we ended up in bed. That was not my Plan for this evening and I made this clear to her before we had intercorse! She was cool with it so I agreed.
Relationship Breaktime was worth it in my Case, I didn’t believed in that first but I saw now otherwise. But Selflove and High Confidence are the main key to for Happyness. I showed up Yesterday that iam not needy in any way And I don’t need Anybody to fulfill myself rather then myself! That made me to a real Men for her I felt that.
Another difference is we had sex and I feel super good today even that I lost semen which normally drains me and make me tired all Day. Feeling fresh and good weird stuff
Didn’t got up as early I wanted, but overall fine. Added new habbit, makeing bed .
After some stretches I started with 5 push ups , 10 mins walk and 1 min Run as fast I can. Then I picked up Mum to Buy Food. I bought some nice things like Salat and strawberries tomatoes all that good stuff I didn’t eat for longer time to make my diet healthy!
Anxiety level was today very low , I still have problems going out in food market cuz social anxiety but it was nice today.
At home I played some game but stopped early next day I have dentist visiting, so Disziplin is good .
Sleeping now
Got up early before timer! Man this took me 2 - 3 months to fix… unbelievable.
Depression is gone at the moment, I feel good and set a foundation to work with. Still i try not to speed up or set myself under pressure… Step by Step!
Workoutwise I did nothing today, after dentist I was not motivated enough to do some sports But I try catch up on that for sure.
Now iam just trying to Hold this routine till it’s getting easy. Also I want to make sure I work on my Selflove and Confidence! Improvements Day by Day.
Was in the Park with Girlfriend, the Weather was amazing and the Sun shine felt good on my Skin.
Since last Relationship break my Girlfriend and I take it slow but we come us closer again. We see us not every Day and we don’t live together jet so everyone as enough space. So right now that makes me Happy how it goes.
As we arrived in the Park and chilled there abit, we went to the Wildpark which is 30 mins away from the normal Park on Feet’s.
We walked all the way around and back to the start. It was very Difficult for me to catch up on her , especially on the backway it goes only upwards. Man I was sweating like a Crazy and today all my bones are hurting. I guess workout wise I can’t do better then today
Anyways now finally in my bed and all I want is sleeping! Take care all.
Don’t know if I should be angry or sad guess I feel both.
Week was going well for me, small benefits showed up, I started working on myself , Relationship is going good.
Confidence was high and this is causing problems. I start listing to the addiction.
Cmon check what’s new, it won’t hurt much bla bla. We all know the voice of this addiction.
I realize after countless relapses, it’s always the same misstake but I fall for it.
Well now sleeping and tomorrow is the world different. I won’t give up.
to relax myself. After this I called my sister it’s her birthday 
and she don’t live with us anymore so it was a bit raff not see her irl due Covid pandemic. But we had a blast and laugh abit on phone so it was fine.
even when it was cold 
outside.
which is awesome it helps a lot getting up from the fall. That’s it for today peace 
and hoped for the best. I was nervous as fuck, kinda felt like the first Day we meet!
. I was really scared but ye she open Door 
and invited me come in!
and kissed, it was amazing, I felt her love again and that she missed me. She also said that to me which she normally don’t do much! Overall she was more open talking as usually I liked that and missed that from her.
and we came us more and more closer , the emotions cooked up so we ended up in bed. That was not my Plan for this evening and I made this clear to her before we had intercorse! She was cool with it so I agreed.
to for Happyness. I showed up Yesterday that iam not needy in any way And I don’t need Anybody to fulfill myself rather then myself! That made me to a real Men for her I felt that.
.
and strawberries 
tomatoes 
all that good stuff I didn’t eat for longer time to make my diet healthy!
.
I was not motivated enough to do some sports 
shine felt good on my Skin.
and today all my bones 
are hurting. I guess workout wise I can’t do better then today 
or sad 
guess I feel both.
and tomorrow is the world different. I won’t give up.