Dan parting with addictions (Dan's Diary) [M 20]

It’s better now. Went to chat with friends. Getting back on track. This is the kind of difficulty that’s only difficuls if you recognise it as such. Screw it. I’m not here to survive it, but to live it through.

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Strong urges. Stopped myself at the last moment before peeking. It always feels that once I get onto this rail there’s only struggle. I’m trying to not give up. Maybe it will eventually subside. A lot of fantasies are flooting through my head, like flies, shush it away and it comes back in a moment. But they aren’t really what I wanted all along.

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It got stronger. I relapsed. On 13th day. I was very sensitive. It got into my head, and slowly replaced my thoughts with qorn. Sound like a joke.
I have a hypertrophied imagination and it works against me. But it can work for me as well. I can play a role of a non-user. Like an actor. Replace my wired psyche with free one. Make it invisible.
When I read EazyPeazy yesterday, it, being a book that goes into great detail on how a user thinks, had woke up my addicted self, that was replaced by the free one. Sort of a “thought transplantation”. Around the time I paid more attention to the day count as well.
The way I got this far has worked. Now that I took the shower I’m pretty much free from PMO.
S’all ffirmations.

It will be easy now, since previous streak was after almost 5 days of binging.

Today I’ll read the EazyPeazy book skipping parts. After that, the rule is to not read books on PMO. Danger now outweighs the gain.
I do still consider it a good read for someone who can’t get out of the cycle of relapses.

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Mate, please don’t skip any word in the EasyPeasy book, it’s really valuable imo. The entire book is there to change your entire mindset towards PMO.

There’s a chapter which says to not expect (or even try) to cut down on your PMO as you go through the book because you’ll be viewing it as a “loss” - the book teaches and reminds you that it was never something to “lose” or “look forward to”. PMO is nothing but toxic and the worse thing that happened to many of us. The book basically tells you, “Stop thinking this was anything to fight because it was never anything you wanted anyway” The book does acknowledge that it may take a couple of relapses for you to remember that, but once you understand it, you will stop completely.

Remember this feeling post relapse because it’s exactly what the book wants you to remember and understand as you develop the mindset to finally stop

Hope you’re doing okay bro :muscle:i had the same experience with easy peasy so for now i stopped reading even though it’s a good book. Do whatever you find helpful in your journey. The important thing is in keeping trying. Wishing you the best!

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