Crusher's Daily Log - Journey Towards Rewiring My Brain [First Goal: 120 Days]

So, here I am. Finally going public. Yes, am kind of a loan wolf. I try to avoid connecting with others as much as I can mostly because I try very hard to focus on my business.

I won’t go into detail how Pornography affects my life, everyone knows. I didn’t try seriously before, I started getting serious from January 2018. The battle continues.

Where I am at:

Last relapse was 11 days ago. But I did edge 2 times, the day after relapse, and on the 8th day, I was feeling extremely sad because of a sudden event and all I could think was I have to give myself some comfort, I didn’t watch porn, just some filthy photos online.

Nevertheless, my current streak: 2 Days 12 Hours.

What I am doing to prevent pornography (Till it becomes a habit):

  1. Removed these apps from my phone (Using “System App Uninstaller” for smartphones):
  • Google Play Store (So that I won’t be able to install any browser or video-related apps whenever I want)
  • Youtube (A lot of adult videos floating around, constant recommendations of filthy music videos, this app became a headache)
  • Any and every browser
  • Removed all Wi-Fi info.

Overall, NO internet access on my phone.

  1. Uninstalled all kinds of browser from my Computer and installed “Waterfox” browser, solely for the following add-on which is not available on new firefox browser:
    Procon Latte Content Filter

…where I added certain keywords which if found on any webpage it instantly gets blocked. Also added a password to the add-on, I have no idea what the password is, I just copy-pasted a very long password from passwordsgenerator.net. Now I can neither remove the add-on, nor configure it.

  1. Enabled Parental Control in “Eset Smart Security”. Also added a password here from passwordsgenerator.net, no idea what the password is, so that I can’t disable it anytime I want.

  2. Changed desktop and mobile wallpapers to motivational quotes.

  3. “Rewire companion” app set to remind me every 1 hour with new quotes.

My Triggers:

  1. If I keep the computer on after 10:30 pm. Lustful thoughts start to cloud my brain at night, mostly because of the loneliness I guess.

  2. If I am too happy. It’s kind of funny, but if I am too happy my subconscious starts to trick me into thinking it’s ok to watch porn. I have no idea why.

  3. If I am too sad, I try to get away from my sadness using porn. Those bastards are finding new ways these days to make their videos more intense and realistic which helped me get away from reality.

The ultimate goal is to rid my brain of impure thoughts and retain semen as long as possible.

I will check-in daily.

Best of luck to all the brothers and sisters here who are trying to get rid of this satanic habit.

5 Likes

I won’t go into much detail, will only cover “Triggers” and if I controlled them.

Day 3 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm?: YES

  2. Was I too happy?: NO

  3. Was I too sad?: Close, but NO.

Current Streak: 3 Days 11 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 117

1 Like

Day 4 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : NO. Was busy researching a few business-related things.
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : NO.

Additional Notes:

  1. Had a surge of sexual energy, though, didn’t get any urges. But frequent erections were quite uncomfortable.
  2. My only concern right now regarding this journey is Nightfall, considering retaining semen will be almost impossible with nightfalls, Kegel actually did more bad than good for me. Am researching a few supplements, hopefully will get started soon, will post details as soon as I do.

Current Streak: 4 Days 13 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 116

For anyone who are struggling with system apps of Android (e.g. Google Play Store, Youtube) etc which seem uninstallable, here’s the “System App Uninstaller” app:

You have to follow these steps:

  1. Download “System App Uninstaller” on your pc.
  2. Turn on “Developer Options” on your phone (Instructions: http://bfy.tw/K6VL)
  3. Turn on “USB Debugging” from “Developer Options”.
  4. Install “ES File Explorer” on your phone
  5. Go to “ES File Explorere>App>tap on the app you want to remove and copy the Package Name”.
  6. Connect your phone to your computer
  7. Run “System App Uninstaller” as an Administrator.
  8. Paste the Package Name of the app and hit enter,
  9. The app is now removed.
1 Like

Day 5 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : YES
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : Close, but NO.

Additional Notes:

  1. Had slight urges here and there but I was aware of them, as soon as I got them,. immediately pointed my thoughts to something positive.
  2. Still having frequent erections.
  3. Overall, a good day.

Current Streak: 5 Days 12 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 115

Day 6 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : YES
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : NO.

Current Streak: 6 Days 12 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 114

2 Likes

I like the format! Good work. Do you have any other goals that you would like to share? Generally speaking, NF should be coupled with other endeavors. If you do not feel like sharing that’s fine. Just curious
Anyway, keep it up!

1 Like

Day 7 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : YES
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : YES

Additional Notes:

  1. Day 7 passed, but not noticing the benefits I usually get by now. Am a fast responder to Semen Retention, pretty sure the benefits are invisible only because I got 4 nightfalls in the past 7 days, including 2 in a row on 6th and 7th night.
    Usually, when I am retaining semen for a long period of time, I get fast results. By day 4, my Mother tells me that my face is glowing. By Day 8, I act and feel like Thanos.

  2. The nightfalls are all dreamless, except the first one which was quite a vivid dream, the first one left me totally hungover, I guess because of the dream. On the plus side, every time I was getting those, I tried to stop it “During” my sleep and tried to wake up. That’s a really good thing, and hopefully I will finally be able to control it.

  3. The nightfalls might be the result of the Kegel exercises I did. Kegel did a lot of harm, I can rarely control urination now, only solution can be “Saw Palmetto” supplementation. Am getting ready to put in a big order.

  4. The sadness I felt yesterday was the direct result of nofap. By day 7, my mind gets clearer and guilt gets stronger, all the wrong-doings of my life keeps rewinding in front of my eyes, As a result, am silently crying almost all day long. I wish I could be stronger as I am now, I could’ve prevented those things from happening. From my childhood the devil made sure to surround me with all kinds of bastards, all the wrong-doings of my life was influenced by these filthy bastards, most of the time I was just looking to get some comfort in porn so that I can forget what they did to me and my family.

I can only wish that “The Most Merciful” will be kind to me and forgive my sins.

Current Streak: 7 Days 10 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 113

2 Likes

Thought I should publish this here, might be motivational for some to quite porn:

1 Like

Day 8 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : NO. Had dinner a little late, Had some work pending, even after work, probably because of tiredness, browsed around mindlessly, could’ve edged, thankfully I didn’t.
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : NO.

Additional Notes:

  1. Am not really happy with this streak. Not getting enough benefits I usually get by now because of frequent nightfalls which left me unable to retain semen for a long period of time.

  2. Another thing am not happy about is, I am not turning off the computer before 10:30 pm regularly, this ultimately might result in relapse. I will try very hard from today to focus on this particular trigger.

  3. My testicles seem enormous. My body might be producing too much semen in too little time resulting in dreamless nightfalls.

  4. Feeling more calm, frequent erections are gone.

Current Streak: 8 Days 11 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 112

Day 9 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : YES
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : NO.

Additional Notes:

  1. Feeling the grounded intensity mentioned by Elliott in this video —
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7pceXPgPCI
  2. Am feeling this streak might be the end of Pornography and self-pleasuring for me.

Current Streak: 9 Days 13 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 111

Day 10 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : YES
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : NO.

Additional Notes:

  1. Feeling more calm.
  2. Energy went up, didn’t need the afternoon nap.
  3. More control on my thoughts, kind of a “Focused Rage”.
  4. Feeling happy, honestly, this is not a good thing and might ultimately result in a relapse as this is the 2nd biggest trigger for me. Why should I be happy anyway, after all the sins I have committed? (Writing this down so that it sticks in my mind).

Current Streak: 10 Days 11 Hours

Last Relapse: 19 Days Ago

Last Edge: 11 Days ago

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 110

Day 11 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : YES
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : NO.

Current Streak: 11 Days 13 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 109

Day 12 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : YES
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : NO.

Additional Notes:

  1. Didn’t need the afternoon-nap for the past 3 days.
  2. Can contain pain better.

Current Streak: 12 Days 10 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 108

Day 13 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : YES
  2. Was I too happy ?: NO
  3. Was I too sad? : YES

Additional Notes:

  1. Pain is becoming unbearable, though, I don’t even think about PMO even when I am in enormous pain.

  2. It’s time for me to accept that Pain is a part of me and it will never go away. Best I can do is contain it.

Current Streak: 13 Days 10 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 107

3 Likes

Keep going wish you the best.

1 Like

Pain is temporary, pride is forever.
Keep on Rising…

1 Like

Day 14 Report:

  1. Did I turn off the computer before 10:30 pm? : No.
  2. Was I too happy ?: No.
  3. Was I too sad? : Yes

Current Streak: 14 Days 11 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 106

Without facing sadness we cant progress.

1 Like

Current Streak: 16 Days 10 Hours

Days Remaining Till First Goal is Achieved: 104