Coming clean as a girl with a huge problem

I don’t know, if it matters or not but I’m a girl.
I have to admit, that I have this addiction of masturbation. And I have it for a so long time that it’s seems impossible sometimes to be free from it.

I can remember doing it first when I was 4 years old, but I only got to know what is it at around 13. Now I’m 23. I had some months in the past, when I was completely free (in my mind and heart as well), but I relapsed again and again.

I’ve never watched porn but I read girl’s/women’s magazines, teenager novels etc… it’s the same for girls. So now I have these memories or knowledge that I wish I could delete from my brain. (And I’m really sorry that there was no adults protecting/stopping me from it. Parents can be sooo superficial and naive.)

It’s even worse that I’m a christian. (And technically a virgin.) Everyone respects me in my community because otherwise I’m not totally evil and I go to medschool, care about people, serve etc… But it’s eating me up. (I was at counseling, confessing my sins so many times, but it didn’t help. /probably shoud try again/) I’m emberrased and so ashamed about that. And even more because of that the fact that I STILL have this problem.

I’ve been dating a guy for 3 months now, who really cares about me and I really do not want to ruin that with my struggles. He’s also a christian and I think there’s a perspective in our relationship to grow into something serious so I would like to protect it from any harmful habits and way of thinking. We’re not there yet, but probably I’m going to talk with him about that.

I don’t know, if it’s important or not but as a observed it in the past months, I tend to fail 2-3 times in a months. My latest record is 21 days.
I guess it’s a little bit different from men’s addiction, because it’s more related to emotions: anxiety, stress, loneliness… Not only to these, visuals matters, too, but when I feel low, it’s more likely that I’m gonna be more open to the other things. And the relapse is done cooking, as it has happened yesterday, again.Today I downloaded this app to get more additional help.

I’m not giving up. :muscle:

I’d like to add that I truly appreciate all your efforts, guys, to be and I wish you all of you the best!

Rebecca

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Dear sister, I can understand your feelings. A lot of our brothers and sisters in this community are suffering a lot due to this addiction, so first understand that you are not alone. We all are with you. Second, we are the first generation who were born into the hands of high speed internet and porn everywhere, the generation before us only had playboy like magazines which were not that harmful. So it’s not completely due to our mistake we fell into this trap. Above all people are beating this addiction. A lot of them have came out of this addiction like a beast. Our brain changes. All we have to do is abstain from pmo and work on improving ourselves. Start working on your goals dear sister. The things you always wanted to do. Stay disciplined. Start doing meditation, exercise etc (very important) I can challenge you. Lets do this together. Iam ready to choose death instead of porn. Lets have challenge in which we’ll see whether you or I relapse. What say? My sharing code - tn1ii4
If you accept share yours.

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Yeah brother… #BeastMode.

My sis. … there are so many threads in forum which can help you to stay motivated… to learn from the experiences… to make yourself aware of the benifits of NoFap.

I want to suggest you only one thing… NEVER GIVE UP… no matter how many times you fail… promise yourself and everyone here on this forum that everytime you will bounce back.

If you can make this promise… I am sure you will see improvement. This is power of community.

All the best sister… good luck.

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Thank you for your answer! Means a lot to me!

I’m in!

My code: 276ava

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So, here I promise that I will Never Give Up. NEVER GIVE UP, and I’m going to take a revenge by helping others when I’m ready. :zap:

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Have you come across Matt Fradd?
As a Christian, I think he has a very spiritual and pragmatic approach.

Peace be with you :slight_smile::pray:

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Hi, not yet. Definetely will check it out! Thanks! :pray:

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Hey there @comingclean. Well reading your intro really started talking to me and it got me thinking.

Well to point out the facts that you feel like you are punishing yourself and also you fear that maybe your boyfriend might leave you if he found out about your addiction. Sure it is hard and especially awkward and embarrassing to confess an addiction like masterbation and porn and there is no easy way about it.

Yeah, I know I am telling you to tell your boyfriend sure that is what I am doing as I feel it would be good for you, but ultimately it still stays your decision. He might confess or support you more than you realise. As he is also doing it. It is just a thing nowadays to fap or watch out porn. Maybe you can help him escape.

See things have a way to work on us and I have noticed I have missed a lot of stuff in life as I was stupid and naive. I see you wanna get more intimate with the guy and you are scared that this might chase him away, but maybe it is also scaring you as you are afraid of discoverings stuff.

See I am also a christian guy and here are also many other christians who fell to porn or have fallen into the addiction. So life is kinda real and sad and all kinds of messed up.

And yeah we all have our flaws, our broken pasts and there is nothing we can do about it, but we can change ourselfs and learn from the mistakes and become stronger tomorrow.

Well, basically to shorten this up is if this guy truely cares about you and really wants you he will accept you for who you are and if he can’t well then he isn’t, but also everything has a purpose and a reason for what we have in life. Sometimes the only thing we can do is take that leap of faith and truely trust in God as he will guide our paths. This is what matters.

And sister this is your life, your journey. I know I don’t need to tell you this as you already know it as you are on this journey to heal to cleanse yourself to make a difference in your life. You have to own it with your rules and your choices and you have to make this journey easy and fun to follow. Don’t doubt, don’t worry, don’t be scared. Because why?

God is in control of it all. Are you scared? Yes, then you go and pray. Doubtfull? Pray. Sad? Pray. Happy, excited etc.? Pray. God listens and He will show you what you need.

But sister you got this. Good luck and stay strong and awesome! God bless all of you.

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@comingclean I have a tip! Today, I watched a video.

The best way out is through! You have to embrace your suffering (anxiety, temptation, brain fog, depression etc). You need to bear it. Recall Lord Jesus on cross. How was he feeling and bearing? Do it like that! Try it next time, then next time… After 3 or more months, you will be free of that addiction. Then, just do not come back and live the rest of your life as a champion!

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Hello, @Cubenix

A part of me really fears because of that he would be disappointed and rejected me, but I’m even more concerned of that it can damage our relationship. I mean that true love needs two healthy souls, who have self-discipline, are happy the way they are, and learnt how to deal with temptations and I can’t tell that about myself on hundred percent.

I want to tell him, no questions on that, because I want to be honest with him about myself. But I’m not sure when the right time is. (Probably there is no right time for this. :sweat_smile:)

I’m gonna reread your message a couple of times because you said a lot of things ‘I know’ but not sure made really a part of my mindset. Thank you so much!

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I think it’s better to recover first and then tell him honestly. He will be more happy by your achievement.
I am happy that you came forward and trying to fix a part of your life. :slightly_smiling_face:

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That is a good idea @anon1074209.

I can also see that you are really commited to this guy and you have fallen hard for him. That’s awesome and yeah I see your point in the control of temptation, but I wanna say something and the decision is still up to you.

Well why not try challenging your boyfriend to nofap. Sure then you would have to tell him about your problem, but you both can encourage and support each other and that is what is the coolest part about it. It would be a great bonding experience and you both can learn to be that pure people you invision to beat their temptation.

I really understand what you mean and I don’t wanna offend you in anyway it is just easy to say pure people. Anyways besides the point… Well look at us we are all different and like I said we all have our flaws and here we all are flaws and all in support to one another and yeah all sinners, no one special none of us gets the skip on it, but yeah here we are to build each other.

Look the bible also have ordinary people who sinned, but why? It is in our nature and it is to teach us what to look out for and to live your life in faith. No one is gonna get that formula to perfection as we are flawed by the sinful nature. It is what we are.

Good luck and stay strong and awesome! God bless you all!

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Yeah, I see your points, as well. I’m going to think about it.

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1- stop social media , it causes depressions and it is the first reason of any urge especially Instagram, tiktok and twitter

2- install porn filter to prevent any accident

3- remember the days , times and the reasons of past falls and prevent it from happening.

4- remember what you have done already and it will fade if you just relapse a single time .

5- be sure that after a period of time it will be more easier

6- remember that you hate porn

7- don’t touch any private parts

8- don’t think about any sexy thing

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  1. I’d appreciate if you have written at least one sentence instead of copy+pasting a list.
  2. I doubt that only following this list worked for anybody ever.
  3. It makes people think that if they just follow it then it’s going to be fixed. It’s way more complex than that.
  4. Probably you should read mine in my journal. It’s better than this one. :stuck_out_tongue:

Best wishes,
R

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Hi :smile:

l know that you’re kind and trying to help. I’m aware of the things you mentioned. :ok_hand: It’s a difficult question and should be considered wisely.

I don’t know if you guys noticed it or not but I gave short answers to everybody on this topic intentionally. Relationships are personal and giving advice related to that is quite hard and a huge responsibility. And I didn’t ask for it :see_no_evil:

I think I’m a little bit sensitive. In real life I’m a shy girl who doesn’t open up easily so please be don’t be hard on me because of that.

Maybe later I’ll share what I decided when I figure things out.:wink:

Again, I know that all of you tried to help and I appreciate all of your kindness! :sparkles:

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Hey, @HappySoul

This video is awsome! :ok_hand::ok_hand::ok_hand:
Really got me thinking.
It so true on so many levels…
I like that he has a complex approach.
I have an issue with embracing my feelings in general and showing them. :pensive:

Afrer watching this yesterday, today, when I woke up and wanted procrastinating to get up I started wondering why is this, what are my feelings currently… I realised that the reason why I wanted to sleep a little bit more is the uncertainity/anxiety of my day. Probably this is a way of escaping for me. (I had a lot of tasks today and I didn’t feel prepares for them.) Or I’m overthinking it. (I’m a professional overthinker. :sunglasses:)

Thank you so much for the useful tip! :raised_hands:

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Yes sister I admit I copy paste the post and I have also seen your answer you don’t like someone advicing you on relationship …so best help from my side is challenge of 10 days or more ?

Ok. Let it be 20 days and I’m in.

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Hi guys,

Please don’t send me marriage proposals. :smile: I’m in a relationship and I live in Europe.

Thank you and I wish you all the best!

Rebecca

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