Hi guys been away awhile. Had some pretty challenging circumstances lately so I thought I’d give rewire a break. Lately I’ve been averaging 10 day streaks which for me is good and at 11 maybe just 12 days today before I failed I was disappointed with myself but the pressure was mounting and I could just feel the anger rising and the thought of having all this pressure this evening while out I couldn’t bear the thought but I guess I forgot that urges tend to come and go and its never worth giving in. So I’m frustrated at myself but getting past 10 or 12 days it’s just so difficult… if it wasnt we wouldn’t all be posting the same thing on here month after month. I find that frustrating are any of us making any real progress? Is this app helping us I mean really helping/causing us to change? We need the Holy Spirit to help us in this.
Blessings guys the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, so weak!
@anon67854825 so sorry to hear about your friend mate I don’t fully understand how or why he died and it’s not my business to ask but if you feel guilty I guess just bring that to God.
Okay, I’m here after sulking all day over it. This family, this community gives me strength to bounce back.
Now on the matter of what happened really is I won’t make any excuses. I’m going through a lot in my personal n work life nowadays. My health is also down due to weak emotional state. I have had problems in my relationship always (long-distance rel sucks). Yesterday came my breaking point like always & I couldn’t follow full monk mode cuz I can’t deny her. I resisted but at the end, I had to. And the other relapse came from Chaser effect probably, while bathing. & here I really lost cuz It was PMO.
I was not waiting to Saavan be over so I can fap. Last year I did No Nut November but couldn’t continue it due to same factor. It’s like I’m destined to be a Failure.
Now again I’m feeling like leaving for some time (last time it led to more relapses). Thank you for your support.
@anon67854825 So sorry to hear about the death of your friend. My prayers are with you at this time.
Friday, August 7
@anon67854825 I am very sorry for your loss, I will keep you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers 
I’m back, I’m now in vacation with my family in the Alps, we go here every summer for a few weeks. Being here and away from home has helped me to slow down, and stop the relapse cycle I was into until a few days ago. I want to make the most out of this new opportunity that lays ahead of me, to live the next weeks in a clean way and rebuild foundations for my life and restart to improve myself.
I will try to be more accountable now, because it is very useful to keep track of where I am, keep my motivation going by posting here and participate in this recovery process with you guys! 
Wed/Thurs/Fri
Welcome to this place @BamBamKam
Please keep at trying this is your journey.
I completely know where you’re coming from about the frustration @Rebooter81
Whether what works etcetera…
But it is possible, when there’s a will, there’s a way.
Thanks for the msgs guys
@Karan050 @Rebooter81
@Forerunner @Gk-00
Hope you’re all well too,
@Forodwaith @rowdy_nik
And beautiful post @Karan050
I’ve been thinking about love a lot recently.
I can’t sum up what’s going on with me at the moment without going too deep.
There’s no need right now to reflect and write a diary of my days.
But as for NoFap, I’m well
My libido is quite high and I often touch at night or in the morning.
I think I have Hyperthyroidism - as I have a high libido, and heart, brain, weight abnormalities. Excited to get checked. And hope its true, then I have a practical solution.
Thanks be to God for the day, keep all here safe and well, optimistic and strong, mindful and pragmatic.
who do we love more ourself or others?
The Hebrews kept adding laws making it complex and impossible not to sin,
but Jesus reminded them of the greatest commandments.
Jesus asks us to follow only 2 commandments, And they are the grounds for all teachings.
It is very simple.
Love God with all our hearts and minds,
and others as ourself - equally.
How often do we take care of ourselves, put ourself first?
How often do we take care of others, and put them first?
Which one is greater?
Day 25. Check in. Doing good 
. Thanks to God:pray:
Hey bro, truly sorry for your loss. hope you’re doing well.
I’m two days in after a number of setbacks. Both days were hard. I’ve now started my summer vacation and with the pandemic it seems like it will mostly be a staycation, which means I need to be vigilant and careful. I’ve joined a virtual men’s group based in my country and I’m really glad for that, I think it will help in this area as well. Hopefully this time tomorrow I’ll be at day three again and stretching for five.
Peace
Day 26. Check in. All good
Sunday, August 9
All good. I’ve need feeling better, the energy is coming back now that I’m on no PMO again. I am currently sitting in a wood, I just traveled a short asphalt trail with my roller skates, and I’m enjoying the nature here, also meditating about things. Feels very peaceful here.
I really want to stop fearing life, connecting more with others and being the best version of myself. There are a lot of challenges that lay ahead in my life (on September I will be hired for my first job all going well, so I will need to take care of economical stability, career, relationships, future family, and many other things in the following years) and I want to be fit and prepared for the job, fighting all the things that are holding me back and are not doing any good in my life.
I don’t want to be obsessed anymore with how many days I manage to not PMO, because I feel it is not the right strategy, I just want to focus on building my life one step at a time, following my dreams and helping others, and if I fall and make mistakes I want to be able to get back up, no matter how dark the situation is, and keep moving forward!
Very excited about this journey, God help me to be the best version of myself
Sat/Sunday
Thanks @rowdy_nik
Glad to hear that @Forodwaith
Back home since yesterday.
This thing with that girl is great, but there’re issues.
I’ve done a lot of social media recently, there is a strong pull to be on it a lot, it’s a drug
it’s a new feeling, most people have already had.
With the girl it’s the same, temptation.
Your post really helped @Gk-00
I struggled last night being home back in my room with my PC.
(I’ll take it apart and back it away for now)
Social media and the girl have kept me at my phone, but I need to get back into work mode.
I’ve got lots of things to start doing, I can’t afford to spend too much of “that” energy on other things at the sacrifice of meeting and creating goals for my life and work.
Social media is an important thing for work’s sake, but I can do it in passing, and create any concepts as I’m working.
The girl, I can just leave as is.
She is very very wonderful, but her situation and issues are big
Meeting more girls, rather than waiting on one would be wiser.
That special thing I put in should be an extra thing to my life. It is with her, but if she withdrew I would lose something for sure.
I’m writing all the this for me, to get a perspective.
I need to get into work mode without worry.
The girl initiated everything, msgs and responds to me immediately, and I’ve been there for her, very honest and un-shy.
A dramatic episode happened, which I hadn’t felt for 10 years ago or more, except it her creating it.
It’s history to me -that kind of thinking and behaviour- I just can’t afford to being doing that with my energy. It’s pointless and nothing good can come from it. People hold onto old beliefs that are only feel true for them at the time, but I guess having them is part of the journey and a learning - another belief 
I remember trying to convince myself I was asexual, or thought that would be cool, but it’s fabricated nonsense, what we say in our head isn’t reality.
“You wanna die? Hold your breath and see what your body says” ~ Sadghuru
Even beyond religious belief, porn is unjustifiable.
It is a social menace, its anti sex, slavery for the consumer, actors, producers. Creates trafficking, and demand, making a huge wealth divide, and losing moral grounds, to “why not?”
We live an atheistic scientistic world it seems.
And we fall for “it’s their choice? It’s not hurting anyone” - well, not until it actually does hurt someone. Saying “it’s their choice” is ignorant of learning from the past, fear of being a hypocrite, and cowardess to have a moral backbone.
When good men do nothing… Yes, I’m scared don’t get into that debate, and be dismissed as a typical prudish Catholic who doesn’t want others to have fun because I’m not - but that is just an opinion.
Sasha Grey was brought up on porn and idolised it, even publicly arguing in favour of it - now she is on the other side.
I think of cam girls, if they didn’t think it was okay, they wouldn’t be doing it. If Sasha Grey hadn’t been watching it from a young age, she may never have got into it in the first place, but pursued another career.
There’s also another famous porn star, who was in it for only 6 months, leaving hundreds, maybe thousands of vids for guys to whack off to, creating big money and demands.
She did 6 months and left. She is constantly harassed by guys in public, unaware she’d left years ago. She’s not getting younger and she may want kids, but what would that be like, some sleazy guy harassing her in front of her kid?
These women are literally f**kd until they become old news or their videos/pics are removed which I don’t see ever happening.
There are still videos of pornstars who are now dead, which are still there. Many die young and have a traumatic life. We’ve gotta give up for their sake too, especially if you call God, Our Father.
Moving back to the girl…
I’ll just have to leave be, of course I’m hopeful, but being silent won’t mean I’m not interested nor wanting to support.
And romantic feelings don’t just disappear because we say so. I’m also not rushing towards any relationships, but know I need more patience.
We’ve got lots in common, age, taste, art, faith, dreams, personality, likes/dislikes (and I’m weird, difficult to match)
I’ve got loads more experience in romantic relationships, though she has experiences that may be profound for me, I’m yet to hear.
Faith in God
She messaged me again this evening just as I was writing the end of this
I had that thought about faith.
“Let Go and Let God provide you with what you need”
Lord, Thank you for any blessings
I’ve cut down on my salt and dairy intake and I actually feel loads better.
Calmer heart rate, clearer mind, and lower libido.
We are gonna win @Aoishegreen.
Never worry.
I stand with you in this biggest battle of our youth.
Hahahaha…
Age is in soul and not in body.
I’m sorry for the loss of your friend.
… I don’t know what to say… My most heartful condolences.
