"Check-in" Daily - diary challenge

[anon67854825]

Wednesday 1st July

@Karan050 I’ve added the July poll
@Gk-00 @Forodwaith @Special_Bird

I’m still struggling, but I like to imagine I’m starting to do better. I’ve been having gruelling moments and unsettling stuff going on, but I’m facing it. It’s a really challenging thing that can break me, I have to find perspective and peace, I really need to trust in God so much more.
Words don’t always account for our actions.
I’m certainly not faithful at the moment, but controlling and conservative. I’m scared to lose what I have, and I’m lacking vision in my life.

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Please pray I keep positive and believe in myself.
Believing in myself seems alien, and I dislike the phrase. How can I believe in myself?
Please pray and help me to understand.

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I need to do what I love and enjoy

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I was telling myself earlier how I don’t need to mix up all my personal battles with nofap, but deal with them separately, otherwise it feels like I’m trying to fix the whole world.

It’s just turned day 2 now. Thanks be to God.
It was a stressful work day.
I looked in the morning and in the evening but I turned away each time

[Gk-00]

Thursday, July 2

@anon67854825 @Forodwaith

Still struggling. I had a lot of relapses in the last week, I feel I’m coming back to square one with my reboot, but I cannot stop myself, simply put. I really want to start again and get some momentum going, but it feels really hard right now to last even for a day. Hoping to get out of this rut soon

In other news, today I had a job interview, I’m very happy! I don’t know if it is the work I really want but if they call me back in the coming weeks I will decide whether to pursue this job or not, we will see. Happy that my job search is getting somewhere finally

[Karan050]

Day 7. Check in.
No phone after 10 pm❌
Wake up early❌
No phone after wake up for about 30 minutes❌

Doing very well in Nofap but struggling to manage mobile using. But I have to manage it anyway because it is main distraction in my life now.

[anon67854825]

Thursday 2nd

@Gk-00 @Forodwaith I created a July Poll near the top, do you want to join? It might be helpful.

All good, thanks be to God
Some ups & downs, but I’m all well, and feeling motivated, routines are taking form.

[Special_Bird]

Week 16 - Thurs, Jul 2, 2020 - Streak: 0 days

I’m back, sorry for the absence guys. I went on a trip to visit family and then got back and was busy with my summer project. But I should have gotten back on earlier.

Things have been rougher lately with relapses, but I’ve also started physically writing in a journal every morning which has been helpful.

Lots to think about. But I better get sleep. Goodnight guys

[Forodwaith]

Yes, please add me if that’s how it works.

[Forodwaith]

Still struggling, still falling, still getting back up.

[alphaman96]

Hello guys please add me as a companion. I’m on day 28
My sharing code obb4q6

[Karan050]

Day 8. Check in.
No phone after 10 pm❌
Wake up early✅
No phone after wake up for about 30 minutes✅

[anon67854825]

Friday 3rd

@Gk-00

All good, thanks be to God

I could do better at focusing on the needs of others, and faith in myself through God.

I edited you into the poll @Forodwaith
Please update it daily by clicking on the

[Special_Bird]

Week 16 - Fri, Jul 3, 2020 - Streak: 1 day

So I’ve got this new habit I’m trying to do, which is physically journal in the morning if I have some important thoughts, or watch/read a couple of online stuff about PMO addiction and strategies for escaping. Just to start getting my mindset right.

Sleep habits have been off, but my summer class starts soon and I got to be up early to meet the zoom call for lecture, so I’m forced to at this point not be lazy about it.

Bad leads to worse, worse leads to hell. Life is suffering by nature, but it’s by good action that we can make it bearable. It’s by getting our life together that it becomes somewhat meaningful in a sense, or at least we can be in a place where the existential questions can be asked and we don’t tumble into despair. Just some thoughts.

I’ve been really tired lately. Funny how until this moment I couldn’t figure out why. hmmmm… Is that really a hard question for myself? I’ve been relapsing every 2 days. And if I’m lucky, 5 days. That’s no way to live, but of course this addiction is a nasty thing. I really need to pull things together, but I also feel quite helpless at times. I’m reminded that community is so important, yet very hard to achieve. Even us here now, we have each other, but we are all in despair. That’s how it seems many groups turn out.

For a time it seems all was good, but it’s a hard road. We can’t assume the best. Life is suffering, if we assume the worst, we can prepare to do our best.

I want to say something more, maybe something motivational, at least for myself, but I’m tired of the same rhetoric that never gets me anywhere. If I’m serious about this, when I’m serious about this, or maybe, when I understand the severity of my condition and my limited time, then I will act accordingly to make it right. No matter how much it costs me in time and energy, if I’m serious, I will change.

[Karan050]

Day 8. Check in.
No phone after 10 pm❌
Wake up early✅
No phone after wake up for about 30 minutes✅
Nofap✅

I jusy can’t control myself at night to use. Maybe because I am free at that time. I think I should read self improvement book at this time. This will definitely help me.

[Forodwaith]

I didn’t lol

I guess I will from now on

[anon67854825]

Saturday 4th

@Gk-00 @Forodwaith

I only just realised my streak is in sync with the day of the month I like that, it’s pretty cool.

Church tomorrow Thanks be to God

Thanks for checking yourself in @rowdy_nik

[Special_Bird]

Week 16 - Sat, Jul 4, 2020 - Streak: 2 days

Hitting the danger zone on that 2 day mark. Got to watch as I know the urges usually come around now or 5 days. What does watch out mean though? What am I doing to watch out? Well I have my habit of morning motivation/journal, but what else? What will I do if I get an urge?

Hmmm… Journaling truthfully has always helped in the past, but I’m also stuck in a rut. I think disconnecting myself is important. I think what I will do is do whatever arm workout I need to do next anyway, and then go outside and journal truthfully, get to the heart of it. I’ll bring my uke with me so I can play that afterward and focus my attention on learning the rest of a song I’m working on.

On another note, I’ve been trying to avoid the passive masturbation trap. It’s easy when I’m bored, sitting at my computer doing work I don’t want to do, to reach down unconsciously. So I’ve given myself a little rock that I can fiddle with instead. I’ve been doing that for about a week now and it’s really been helping.

Something else I’ve been thinking about. Obviously part of my tiredness, like mentally (or maybe just being depressed), is from my relapsing. But lately I’ve been feeling extra tired. But I think I’ve identified what it is. I’ve been playing like at least an hour, usually more of video games every night. Now I’m not into video games anymore at all really, it’s just not interesting, but I bought the Last of Us 2 earlier and the story has got me grinding to find out what happens. But this isn’t good, it’s like my depression from video games is coming back, like how I used to feel when I was younger. It’s just a gross feeling after coming off of playing for several hours. I hate it. I also just feel disconnected from reality, from everything else. Maybe it’s the overstimulation.

I don’t want to, but I definitely need to set a limit to this. I’m going to say that for now on, I can only play for an hour twice a week. I’m going to aim for Wednesday, Sunday, but I’ll make it flexible.

Anyway, those are the thoughts for tonight. Actually, I’m thinking also I might start reading a self-help oriented book rather than existential books. I think while I’m in the midst of this addiction, it’s better to stay positive.

Goodnight guys

[Karan050]

Day 10. Check in.
No phone after 10 pm❌
Wake up early✅
No phone after wake up for about 30 minutes✅
Nofap✅

Repeating same mistake again and again . Hope, tomorrow I will do better.

[anon67854825]

Sunday 5th

@Gk-00
Thank you for using the poll @Forodwaith
I hope it can help us in our journeying when we struggle to see the bigger picture, and to iron out any creases and bring some order to our thinking. It’s been helpful for me in the past, and hope it is for everyone else, as well as bring peace of mind

Thanks be to God, it was a wonderful day.
Mass in the morning
food shopping for the household,
dog walk work
back to church for evening Mass
some piano practice
Thai food watched “Dark” Netflix series and now off to bed

I’m really glad to be back home, my local church being open
Just getting up and getting ready for church was a special thing.
All those small amazing things we overlook.

Singing with the choir, tai chi and seeing my friends are still things waiting

[Special_Bird]

Week 16 - Sun, July 5, 2020 - Streak: 3 days

Streak is looking alright, but I think I’ve just been spared, I’m reminding myself mentally of how I plan to approach future urges: disconnect and journal.

Couldn’t figure out what book to read after 12 Rules for Life, but I finally decided on Man and His Symbols by Carl Jung. It just seems to click with what I need right now.

Getting to bed on time tonight, that’s good. I was hoping to push it to an earlier time, but oh well, baby steps.

Goodnight guys

[Karan050]

Is this series has bold scenes? I heard this is very great series. Just want to watch but I don’t want to see any series that will trigger me. Is this series having some intimating or Bold scenes?

[Karan050]

Day 11. Check in.
No phone after 10 pm❌( I used for only message checking and for camrea for 10 minutes. I am saying positively that I am reducing my phone usage slowly at night but haven’t succeeded completely)
Wake up early✅
No phone after wake up for about 30 minutes✅
Nofap✅