Thanks @anon67854825 for your answer.
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Week 14 - Thurs, June 18, 2020 - Streak: 3 days
@anon67854825 Stay strong brother 
I know that situation well.
Today was a good day. I accomplished my goal of completing my exam and not relapsing. That was hard, I had another large attack from the urges due to my high stress. I did terrible on the exam, but my grade will survive overall, and I’m not worrying about it.
When the urges came today, I opened up my journal to write, but I got distracted by my mom walking in talk to me. So I didn’t journal today, but I read a quote, “Don’t do anything you know already you will regret later.” That’s 100% what I needed to hear. I know where that path goes and I don’t need to follow it. What’s the point? It only leads to regret and coming right back to where I am now. Not a happy place.
Anyway, I picked up my guitar and started fiddling around with it. I got in a good trance of focus, just trying to hear out a good tune. Doing that really helped me to relax, de-stress and put my mind on something else. When I was done playing, I felt better and wasn’t as tempted by the urges. They were still present throughout the day of course, and still are. But journaling now is helping the last of that, helping to get my mind straight. I forget how getting lost in a moment of a hobby can be very good for wellbeing and fighting off urges.
Another thing I did today was go with my mom to her doctors appointment. My dog and I sat outside in the small little garden they had out front. I tried to sit there without looking at my phone at all, just relaxed and watched everything around me. It’s really amazing how much you see when you’re not staring at your phone the whole time. And it’s a lot less stressful and anxiety-provoking too. I’m someone who used to struggle with a lot of social anxiety, and still do, but less so than I used to. I got to thinking while sitting there that maybe part of the problem is that I always fixate on my phone and use it as an escape from my current situation.
However, when I do this, I develop more anxiety, not less. I become more afraid to face what’s in front of me. While I’m sitting there calmly in the park, I know my surroundings because I can see and look. But with my phone, I never get to do that. This is just a thought, but I think as humans we need to understand our environment, especially our social environment, to feel comfortable and less stressed. But when we spend our time in a place, but don’t seek to understand or even look at it, it can cause stress for us, especially as we become accustomed to ignoring it. I don’t know, maybe that’s just me, but I think it’s a fair assessment, at least for my own life.
I also I think I need to apply this while going exploring. I realized lately I’ve been missing the whole point of going to abandoned places. I love the feeling of being somewhere that’s familiar, yet exciting. Peaceful and curious. There’s no one telling you where you can be or what you can do. It’s full freedom within the bounds of abandoned places. It’s serene and nostalgic in a sense. I miss that, I miss keeping my eyes wide open throughout. I’ve realized I have been missing that a lot since I’ve got so involved in social media. Now all I can think to do is take pictures. Sure, it would be a shame to miss some of the cool shots that abandoned buildings present, but it’s not all of it, and especially not most of it for me. It becomes stressful, rather than relaxing and exciting. I need to consider that too. I might think about zipping up my phone in an inconvenient location in my clothing so it’s harder to get to. Meaning I only reach for it when I see a shot really worth taking.
Anyway, I’m rambling. I’m getting to bed on time tonight, so I better not ruin that lol.
Goodnight guys 
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Friday 19th
8:30 am, superhorny, phone, YouTube 
At least I didn’t switch on my PC, or look at p, or spend a long time.
I’m addicted to my phone, what am I doing looking at my phone in the morning?
What do I need my phone for?
When am I using it?
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Day 48. Check in. Hope My body will heal soon. Doing good in Nofap.
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Friday, June 19
All good. I studied, read, and had my usual occupations, but I am still struggling a lot with urges although I did not look at P so far.
One side of me wants to go and relapse, and I feel it getting stronger over time sadly. But the other side wants to be free, and to stand strong, because I don’t want to go through this again in the future, so much pain to get rid of this one bad habit. It is not worth it, and relapsing will only bring pain, misery and suffering, but yet I still think about relapse as if it is something I will need to do at some point, this needs to stop!
@anon67854825 @Forodwaith we are all struggling, it is hard to get rid of this addiction. Let’s carry this burden together, all the way to the end! 
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Friday 19th
All good, Thanks be to God 
Morning ;
Bright start 
NoPC 
No Phone
Dog walk
Midday ;
Work and breaks
Evening ;
Dog walk 
Night ;
NoPC
NoPhone (just rewire)
Early night
Thanks @Gk-00 yes, let’s do this together @Forodwaith
I’m going to account like this daily.
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Day 49. Check in. Today was a productive day. I learned some topics in software. Thanks to all. Doing great in nofap.
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Saturday, June 20
All good. Today I went hiking on the mountains with some friends, we had a great time, had a picnic and stayed out all day. felt very good to be out in the nature after all this quarantine, I feel that this reboot helps me to enjoy moments like this even more.
Still struggling with withdrawal when I’m at home though. It is part of the process, I am trying to accept the suffering and not give in to urges, hoping to succeed this time 
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Day 1, checking in, june 20
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Week 14 - Sat, June 20, 2020 - Streak: 5 days
Late night tonight. But as I said in my daily journal, I edged today, bad idea, but I didn’t relapse. I know edging almost always leads to relapse, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth trying to keep going. And today was successful surprisingly, the urges are constantly in the background, but I’ve been holding out, reminding myself of the terrible feelings after relapsing. My mom’s out of town for the week, so it’s feeling kind of lonely around the house now. Relapsing would only make that feel worse. I feel so much better being clean.
Bought the last of us 2 today which helped to get my mind off the urges. It’s been a long awhile since I’ve payed 60 bucks for a game, honestly wasn’t expecting a lot considering the reviews, but about 2 hours in maybe and I think it’s great. I’m not much for video-games anymore, just don’t have the patience, but this one kept me playing late tonight lol. Tomorrow I’m getting on a stricter schedule though. I need to be more productive.
Goodnight guys 
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Day 18 almost…
Fell short by ½hr.
I may’ve Edged in past week but this week has been hard on personal level, having headache since last sunday due to stress, shit happens & today I got triggered searching some leaked video on Instagram. Kept touching myself inappropriately, until I came. FML 
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Blessings on you @rowdy_nik
Thank you for checking-in. Thanks be to God we can be together 
So…
Check-in for Saturday
Morning;
Bright start 
NoPC
No Phone
Dog walk
Midday ; 
It turned into a day off
I got lazy and edged
NoPC
Evening ;
Watched a film with a friend.
Night ;
NoPC
I edged again
I felt shamed - but I stopped which gave me a sense of peace.
I feel shit about it now. I went to bed feeling much better “I’ll just sleep and check-in/account tomorrow”
Sunday morning;
I thought “on days off maybe I should have a lay in, and chill”… I had some contrary thoughts,… But this morning I lay in,… I thought about the hurt p causes (not just p, but misguided sex drive)
I kind of forget about last night, even though my thoughts were about it. How can I put it?
…the repentance to strive, I’d forgotten
Morning;
NoPC I relapsed, and gave in to the ‘sleep’
Lord, forgive me
My mind is foggy. I don’t want to be like this.
I’m standing up now.
I want to see the truth, and be in the truth,
I want to be honest, clear, transparent, and to reside in God alone.
I edged last night, and relapsed this morning.
The weed thing is going on in my home. I can’t fight it, but see it for what it is. Emotional intensity does not seem to help with not doing it.
It’s stressing me out, I don’t want to do it, but it’s constantly there.
Some people just don’t smoke, I wouldn’t offer, encourage or what to smoke around them.
I don’t drink alcohol, I’ve never been a heavy drinker Thanks be to God.
I think maybe I could learn a lot from these, and also become part of my journey towards “NoFap”
So many thoughts run through my head as I write, that’s why it can read quite blotchy…
Please excuse me,…
I want to work these words into me,
"Day off - edged, relapse in the morning -
I want to stay awake, I’m standing tall now, I will get through this,… I will keep checking-in daily and making my little account list of organising behaviours to gather a true sense of honesty & pragmatism
Moving forward
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Congratulations
I am just few days behind you
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Yes @Aoshigreen brother, we got each others here & have to clear mind fog so can start anew. 
Today I didn’t want to do it but I did it again. I wasn’t getting deterred by gf but after today’s earlier relapse, her little peek-a-boo made my sleep vanish & landed me back on P-clips & 2nd Relapse in 12 hrs. Now mustn’t fall in binge relpase.
Sleeping now 
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Sunday, June 21
All good. Had a relaxing day, I needed to rest from yesterday’s hiking trip. I read, prayed the Rosary, watched a lot of YouTube (I spend a lot of my free time watching YouTube, don’t really know what to do as an alternative sometimes 
the good thing is that I usually watch informative content about things I’m interested about, so I don’t want to avoid YouTube completely, although I should perhaps limit it a bit).
Still feeling withdrawal, the desire to relapse is still there, but today it was more manageable. I feel I’m walking a dangerous path right now, I could slip up at any moment if I’m not careful. I’m trying to accept the urges as part of the process, and find new equilibrium and peace like this. I am sure this period will pass and it will be worth it in the end, I just pray to be strong enough to withstand this
Thanks to God for another clean day!
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Day 48
Lots of lots of cravings are coming but I am fighting them
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Week 14 - Sun, Jun 21, 2020 - Streak: 0
Relapse today. But bashi gave me some good advice I’m trying to follow. Got to get into reading more content about this addiction.
Tonight was pretty trashy, my ex-girlfriend is trying to guilt trip me into going back with her. I genuinely considered it, but I know I must stay with my decision no matter how sad it is. Late night again, really irritated about that, as well as not getting any work done whatsoever today. It’s more stressful seeing the notifications of my friend uploading his notes for the lessons he’s on. He just keeps working and his way ahead of me. It’s really starting to stress me out, but I can’t let it. I just need to get to bed and take each day as it comes. Otherwise I’ll just torment myself.
The stress is giving me urges right now. Honestly not sure what I’m going to do. I really just need to get to bed, but they are terribly strong… No I’m not going to relapse. I’ve decided. I’m not going to be that. I’m not going to torture myself any longer. At least not tonight, and that I can act on, that I can control. Tonight, I will be better than this, I will strive to make my life what I want it to be. I want a meaningful existence.
Goodnight guys
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