Sat/Sunday
Thanks 
@rowdy_nik
Glad to hear that @Forodwaith
Back home since yesterday.
This thing with that girl is great, but there’re issues.
I’ve done a lot of social media recently, there is a strong pull to be on it a lot, it’s a drug
it’s a new feeling, most people have already had.
With the girl it’s the same, temptation.
Your post really helped @Gk-00
I struggled last night being home back in my room with my PC.
(I’ll take it apart and back it away for now)
Social media and the girl have kept me at my phone, but I need to get back into work mode.
I’ve got lots of things to start doing, I can’t afford to spend too much of “that” energy on other things at the sacrifice of meeting and creating goals for my life and work.
Social media is an important thing for work’s sake, but I can do it in passing, and create any concepts as I’m working.
The girl, I can just leave as is.
She is very very wonderful, but her situation and issues are big
Meeting more girls, rather than waiting on one would be wiser.
That special thing I put in should be an extra thing to my life. It is with her, but if she withdrew I would lose something for sure.
I’m writing all the this for me, to get a perspective.
I need to get into work mode without worry.
The girl initiated everything, msgs and responds to me immediately, and I’ve been there for her, very honest and un-shy.
A dramatic episode happened, which I hadn’t felt for 10 years ago or more, except it her creating it.
It’s history to me -that kind of thinking and behaviour- I just can’t afford to being doing that with my energy. It’s pointless and nothing good can come from it. People hold onto old beliefs that are only feel true for them at the time, but I guess having them is part of the journey and a learning - another belief 
I remember trying to convince myself I was asexual, or thought that would be cool, but it’s fabricated nonsense, what we say in our head isn’t reality.
“You wanna die? Hold your breath and see what your body says” ~ Sadghuru
Even beyond religious belief, porn is unjustifiable.
It is a social menace, its anti sex, slavery for the consumer, actors, producers. Creates trafficking, and demand, making a huge wealth divide, and losing moral grounds, to “why not?”
We live an atheistic scientistic world it seems.
And we fall for “it’s their choice? It’s not hurting anyone” - well, not until it actually does hurt someone. Saying “it’s their choice” is ignorant of learning from the past, fear of being a hypocrite, and cowardess to have a moral backbone.
When good men do nothing… Yes, I’m scared don’t get into that debate, and be dismissed as a typical prudish Catholic who doesn’t want others to have fun because I’m not - but that is just an opinion.
Sasha Grey was brought up on porn and idolised it, even publicly arguing in favour of it - now she is on the other side.
I think of cam girls, if they didn’t think it was okay, they wouldn’t be doing it. If Sasha Grey hadn’t been watching it from a young age, she may never have got into it in the first place, but pursued another career.
There’s also another famous porn star, who was in it for only 6 months, leaving hundreds, maybe thousands of vids for guys to whack off to, creating big money and demands.
She did 6 months and left. She is constantly harassed by guys in public, unaware she’d left years ago. She’s not getting younger and she may want kids, but what would that be like, some sleazy guy harassing her in front of her kid?
These women are literally f**kd until they become old news or their videos/pics are removed which I don’t see ever happening.
There are still videos of pornstars who are now dead, which are still there. Many die young and have a traumatic life. We’ve gotta give up for their sake too, especially if you call God, Our Father.
Moving back to the girl…
I’ll just have to leave be, of course I’m hopeful, but being silent won’t mean I’m not interested nor wanting to support.
And romantic feelings don’t just disappear because we say so. I’m also not rushing towards any relationships, but know I need more patience.
We’ve got lots in common, age, taste, art, faith, dreams, personality, likes/dislikes (and I’m weird, difficult to match)
I’ve got loads more experience in romantic relationships, though she has experiences that may be profound for me, I’m yet to hear.
Faith in God
She messaged me again this evening just as I was writing the end of this
I had that thought about faith.
“Let Go and Let God provide you with what you need”
Lord, Thank you for any blessings
I’ve cut down on my salt and dairy intake and I actually feel loads better.
Calmer heart rate, clearer mind, and lower libido.
