Casper's Diary [16M]

Day 5: completed; almost there…


Day 6: completed; final day before the week ends :slight_smile:


Now don’t repeat the same mistake,
and don’t disappoint me.


Day 7: completed; yay! Time to try again… again!


Day 11: failed; it seems like I’m having a difficult time with the second week barrier. I’m going to alter my strategy to see what happens. For now, I will skip the seven week period, and try journaling once a week the entire time.


Day 7: completed; I feel more confident, but I’ll see what happens by next week.


Day 11: failed; I need to address the root issue if I’m going to get past this barrier. My goal this month (and next) will be that second week mark.

things I notice

  • when it’s night, I have sexual thoughts

  • after the first week, I experience many wet dreams

things I could try

  • sleep with ambients or background music

Background music has been really helpful for studying, staying focused, and completing school work so I should try using it during nights.

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Day 2: failed; I really don’t like the immediate urges after a recent relapse, but I’ll need to try again.

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Day 4: failed; this is more serious than I thought. Compared to last month, I experience more sexual dreams, leading to daydreams and eventually a relapse. Although I like ambients, they aren’t very effective. I’ll try different things to see what works.

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Day 3: failed; It’s time for some introspection!

It’s been about three months since I started journaling on Rewirecompaion, and this might be a convenient time to look inward by examining my actions, environments, and psyche.

Aside from Rewire, I’ve recorded my daily habits for nearly 400 days, such as completed exercises, passion-related activities, and a few mundane tasks. As a result, I’m more productive and self-aware than ever. Even though I struggle to overcome my addiction (loosely defined), I might be able to form a more concrete hypothesis as to why.

For context, I complete my high school classes online, so I don’t have any human connection. In addition, I don’t have a close relationship with my parents, siblings, or friends from middle school. I don’t think I’ve had a relationship where both sides tried to understand each other. Instead, most of my relationships were implied because of my varying circumstances (e.g., school/family dynamic).

Throughout my many experiences, there’s always a glaring detail. I don’t have any close relationships. Most of my urges start with fantasies that involve myself being in a close relationship with a partner. Even my favorite cartoons, animes, and songs contain stories and ideas of romantic connection. It’s clear that I have a strong desire for an intimate relationship, and that’s a really high hurdle for me.

I need to think of how I will address this problem and continue forward. Though it pains me, I don’t plan on giving up.

It looks like I have a long road ahead of me!

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Day 3: failed; I’ve put some thought and created a plan to help.


  • Thinking aloud helps me organize my thoughts and generate ideas more efficiently, but it would be even more helpful if I had someone to listen. So I’ll try using a voice diary, via memo, to record and listen to myself.


  • I’m not really an extroverted individual, but sometimes I like social spaces. I’m thinking of obtaining a driver’s license as soon as possible and volunteering for community service. By doing so, It’ll be easy for me to meet new people.