Can you take a second to be real with me, A random person (nobody) whos hurting

I have seen and read posts about people talking about
you have to know the reason why your here(The Community/ No FAP) and the reason why you’re doing this.

but why hasn’t any one asked the question on why/how did you start porn(PMO) in the first place
Or how about
why do you still continue to go back to porn(pmo)

The reason im saying this
is because i have a friend and he has a girlfriend, and they are sexually active but often times after the deed is done
he watches porn (PMO)…
why
Or how about Married Men …
who have a wife (and kids) but still watch porn

in my mind, i ask myself how is this Possible.

So today, I have some questions that I’m begging you to answer ( don’t just view; actually engage)
cus I believe that this is important not only for me but by answering it could help someone on the site also.

I only have two questions

  1. How did you find out or come across porn. Did someone give you some type of recommendation?
  2. do you feel that there’s a deeper feeling or reason that your going back to porn?
    i ask this question because my friend… he’s getting his pleasure and needs meet with his SO, so is there something more he’s looking for besides the pleasure

I’m not asking for statistics, I’m asking you to be vulnerable and personal and raw just this one time. we are all dealing with something.There are both women and Men on this site… besides their differences… are actually much more alike than we realize
There are people suffering on this site, dealing with God knows what.
There’s someone hurting right now and praying someone could save them from drowning

Perhaps porn(PMO) wasnt what i thought it was… Perhaps we are dealing… on the inside with something deeper than porn… and porn is just the effect or the byproduct of something we ourselves (inside) are struggling and are hurting

I’ll go first ill be raw and real with you; im typing it out now and it will be in the comment section

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Question 1
when I was young; 10 or 11
I felt that I wasn’t accepted; I did not know how to speak English well at the time.( as i was born elsewhere)
and my parents came to America for an opportunity.
I felt that I was different; i wore the same clothes (perhaps 4 same outfits) every day every week.
I would try to switch up sometimes. i didn’t care much about my clothes but perhaps the other kids, cared.
i felt isolated, different, and not loved by my parents and my school
perhaps my parents were busy building a life for me and my brother and could not attend to me Much.
*There’s a reason I told you this, I’m getting there
I found Porn first time in my classroom where someone told me to go to a site that sounded a little strange.
Thats how i found porn and despite what i learned about the things i saw and what i learned about my own body
I went back to porn over and over again because I thought it was LOVE and acceptance that i been looking for from my parents and schoolmates.
Now that i meet some friends and companions on here who helped me open my eyes and supported me.
I realized that i had and have love and acceptance all this time. since then i noticed a change in how i view porn. Its been 45 plus days now.

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  1. When I was 12, a friend introduced porn to me, made me watch those just to have sex with me. we had sex(she forced me, i regret it till this day), and i asked her how she got to know about this, she said about a mutual Friend. Anyways, I got addicted to this. But when I turned 17 I knew this was kind of abuse to me in my childhood, I broke connections with her. And hated myself for a while because of social anxiety, and i watched more porn as i was not aware that this was the source of my anxiety but i dealt with that too.
  1. I think people go back to Porn because porn is basically Perfect. Perfect bodies, sound, location camera angle, even stories are fantasized which humans really like. But when they have sex with a real person it’s not the same as porn.
    (As no one know me here, so i posted this, just wanted to say that, it feels lighter literally)
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Thank you for Being so Open.
you probably heard this a lot (sorry for what happened to you) so i won’t say it
what i will stay instead is that even though you got something taken from you
YOU ARE STRONG
The you who you are now is different from you of before
don’t let that person steal that power or have that power over you
you have the power even now to give and commit yourself both body and soul(mind) to anyone you choose to or have deep feelings for.
Regret… Turn Regret into acceptance
and Turn self hate into self love and acceptance
we can not go back but we can continue to go forward and not press game over or give up.
Even now I have just started loving myself and my body even though some girls would prefer me to be some type of doll where they can remove certain parts and keep others they like.
It took me till just yesterday after so many years to start doing this
whats you companion code as of today you are my brother

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Thanks. My Code - 64xiv9

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  1. Well I was first introduced to porn when I was in 2nd grade and by a group of friends. We used to play cricket together and one of us had those feature phones in which he had some low grade porn and we watched it together.

  2. Yeah I do think there are greater , deeper feelings to it. As for myself , I was smart in school , but too short and poor. So i was usually picked on by my own friends , called by many different names. That thing still reflects in my personality even now. I’m too underconfident and was In denial all way long. Porn was just one thing , actually i was very curious about such stuff and I had done shitty things . These things were the only source of dopamine for my mind and it got me addicted. I don’t even know how long i had been addicted and still am.
    What i feel is that we all need atleast one person or companion whoes presence would never let us fall into such shit .
    Can’t say about your friend who watcher porn even after having sex with his wife. He must never had given it a thought , but for me porn and fap is just a side effect of loneliness , as whenever i had such a companion , even for a short time , I never turned to porn or fap.

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Hey there are some people on this site talking about it and also on other no fap forums.
here are my answers

  1. i got into porn arround the age of maybe 12-14.
    i think i clicked on an add and found some Hentai…and got excited by that… than - i am not exactly sure how/ that happend i searched for “sex” got into thatand well here i am 13 years later …what i am especialy angry about: i got very exited about it and still remember feeling the rush. it was exhilarating …and than i was so stupid and talked with my bestfriend about it and introduced him to this bul****… well… that is what happened to me…
    in short… advertisements, stupid curisosity, lack of knowledge and understanding
  1. There are also a view Youtubers and Psychologists talking about the deeper reasoning for porn addiction. (it is also mentioned in the easypeasy book)
    so you propablöy alreadey know some of this or most of this i am sorry if you do but i knida had to go the roundabout way -.-^

what is essential for you to understand is: ALL addiction is a coping behaviour meaining we are using the substance/behaviour in order to cope with a emotional or cognitive overwhelming situation.
We learn these behaviors from parents,freinds,media socialcircles etc…

→ it is important to point this out. no one literally no one would engage in a behaviour that does not benefit them in some way! This leads to the following: everyone consuming porn and other addictive or harming behaviours does that in order to satisfy an unmet NEED.
this leads to the following conclusions:

2.1 a person always tries to satisfy their unnmet needs in the most efficient and esiest availible way.

2.2 harmfull behaviours are adapted only due to either
2.2.1. a lack of awaerness of unmet needs or
2.2.2 a lack of perceived alternative behaviours or
2.2.3 a lack of awarenss considering the harm done to oneself or another person by the coping
→ this list is not exclusive but contains the most frequent causes

FYI the oppposite of coping is considered processing: that entails *** very birefly*** the process of
A) identifiy the issue
B) feeling ones emotional response
C) understanding the implications/ reasons for your emotional response
D) deriving remedies/behaviours that would remove or adress the underlying issue
E) acting up on that understanding
F) apreciating the results of what just happened
→ this is a very brief explanation of the model and maybe now you understand more why the hell we spent most of the time in autopilot/habbit mode… doing this actively - event hiugh it is super benefical takes quite some time and energy … after all you need to willingly feel like shit to feel great afterwards-.-

2.3 one off the reasons why people tend to stick with harmfull behaviours is a general tendency of the human mind to keep a balance of Hormones and to think as little as possible

a neurobiologists would say that the biological purpose of thaught is to stop thinking oir think as >little as possible.

The reason for this is that thought itself is a very energy intensive process( see the FYI above) and takes a lot of effort —> hence it is a major benefit to be "efficient meanning: to find a way that works/solves for a type of problem and stick with it in as many cases as we can.
This explains e.g. why we have to sit down and actually put effort into solving difficult problems… we could never manage all the decisions we have to make though out the day… eg. which foot do i use to open the door or which hand do i use to scratch my head, how exactly do i put on my jacket etc. etc…
for this we ahve a subconsioucs mind that in this example expresses it self thorugh habits… once we ahve learned a behaviour works our enitre body & brian feels/thinks:

Okay you lizzards i did my job now u remeber this and deal with it imma gonna go and take a nap… see you to for the next appocalypse… rmemerb only wake me if the issue is an 8 or above you lazzy bossos

and than habbits take over but than … what if we have learned that one of our habbits is bad for us well FUCK than we need to put in twice the amount of effort. we have to actually stop performing a habit and do sth else…
buahhh that sucks… hence it would hae been better to do/learn it right for the first time BUT what if no one toguht you how to do that… well that means you ahd bad lcuk with your parents, friends, teachers and society… but well NOW you know… AND NOW you can fix it xD yey… onwards to the tons of emotional work that we will face for the rest of our lives… — we it is worth it!!! - i only put a bit of woirk into it and i have increased my lifequality quite a bit!

the second aspect of sticking with bad behaviour (the first one was general laziness of the mind) is the Hormonal level. The human body has sth that is called “homeostasis”.,meaning that once we are used to some level of hormones (e.g. endorphins like dopamine) our body tries to keep up the balance. One can compare it to how our internal body temperatur is always arround 36-38 °C. no matter how hot or cold it is outside… we actually have to shiver/dress up or move around to get warmer or cool of by applying substances like water/sweat wind etc…

→ why is this relevant you might wonder!!!
that is relevant because porn seriously fucks up our entire happieness and reward system . meaning every time we jerk off we feel great… due t a major Dopanmie rush… and our brian gets used to that… so we allways need this level of dopamine i the future — the alternative would be to feel shitty. and let us be honest noone wants to feel shitty…

hell - why would we not keep up jerking off… (well you and i know why but we had to learn the hard way …-.-) after all it feels great, it lets us forget all our troubles and we might even feel more energized afterwards or more confident… (for a short while)… etc. etc. etc…

  • here you can add all the other resons people give for the supperficial benefits of porn/( ala education creativit, safe expression, loneliness etc…)
    so why did you read all this massive text??
    well here is why … i was bored and wanted to torture you and see how long you will keep up xP muhahaha

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okay…
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that is not all
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i am addicted to this bullshit…
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and i found that knowledge helps with controlling myself and understanding my issues…
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also
. i ahve some theories:

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what might have happend to your friend he got used t a certain degree of sexual stimulus (visual and sensational) his need for that increased withthe amouint of porn he consumed. now the pleasure he is provided with physically migth be okay BUT it might not be enough to satisfy his addicted brain since he is used to alot more stimulus and his partner migth not need that anymor eor might not want to eprform the actions etc. etc…
or as @UntiltheEnd wrote his preferences for bueati have changed and he desires more than that…

in any case if i had to give some unsolicited advice… your friend should talk to his partner about the porn issue and think about th needs he tries to satisfy by wathcing porn directly after sex…
it could also be that he is emotionally /psychologically stressed by the relationship he has or by other factors form his daily life and tries to dostract himself from them on an subconsious/habitual level…

i hope this helps-.-^ sorry for the horrible grammar-.- i am not that fond of typing acurassy and interpuntuation … -.-^i tried my best correcting it

do em afavor and let me know what you think about this kinda input i am new in this forum and wantto know wether people apreciate this kind of post or are annoyed by it

best regards
keep your streak
do not peek
now my fingers are weak xD

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  1. I found it while carelessly browsing through the internet as a kid. For the most part I was unsupervised so it was bound to happen. I got hooked onto it and began pmo. Basically the typical pmo thing. If i go farther back though movies were technically the first thing that got me. I would say round 6 was the start of all this. Almost 12 years its crazy

  2. I don’t have a great answer for a deeper reason, but I will say that maybe this has some sort of connection with genetics. My parents are alcohol addicts with mental health issues, and my grandmother was a cigarette addict with mental health issues. I think porn became that thing for me that alcohol was for my parents and cigs for my grandmother. I got hooked onto it, and it’s been doing the same thing to me that my family’s addictions have done to them which is make me worse mentally. I don’t know this the deepest reason I can think of. As for feelings well it feels like I can’t live without it. It feels like I have to look or at least search for something that I find appealing. When I date a girl I feel like we can’t go without dirty stuff. It’s like I’ve grown attached. It’s an obsession, a very unhealthy one.

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People here be like " I was introduced to porn when I was 10" , and then there’s me who started my porn journey at 5​:joy::joy::joy:

  1. Yea I knew what was 69 when I was 5. I didn’t know what sex was, but I knew the concept of 69. How) I came up with it myself, As a 5 year old, while in church. Sounds made up right? I’m being 100% honest here. I was first exposed to sex soon before the 69 incident when I watched a movie called Bad Company in HBO as a child. Later on when I watched spiderman and the scene came when spider man kisses MJ but upside down. I was at church attending the mass and I was bored so I pictured Spidey and MJ naked and I altered the altitudes a bit. Voila, I came up with the concept of 69 myself. I only started masturbation to porn later when I was 12 when I got internet access. Before that I was masturbating to fantasies I came up with. I had a wild imagination. I could come up with porn in my head without any reference. I did that for most if my initial days until I found internet porn. Nice story right?

  2. No.

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If its a cause or in effect because of Loneliness what are you doing now to treat that loneliness?
or the question is what do you think you can do; to start to heal

did you notice that your in a dangerous cycle.
you say your lonley
so you fap and watch porn;
which in turn feeds into the loneliness
A girlfriend or lover cant solve the loneliness because it comes from inside and
you cant get a girlfriend not because you watch porn ( it can be a factor) but because of your lonely
reason.
being if you do get a girl; you will make her your hope and dream and your world almost like shes your ray of hope or your sole reason of living
you will have no ambition for anything but this girl
which is really bad because of many reasons but ill give you two
Reason number1
If she leaves you; worst-case scenario you might die Best-case Scenario you might gain new bad habits such as drugs, alcohol or even worse things etc
even becoming a chronic porn Watcher masturbater at which point you’re so broken and hurt you might not recover.
Reason Number2
you will become less of a Man and she will leave
you could say that women would pefer a man with some backbone a man who knows what he wants.
But if your lonely you might find yourself doing everything she wants you to do because you’re so afraid of being alone.
so you compromise who you are and at that point you start to lose the very things she liked/fell in love with you more

Im glad you found out whats the cause, if you need more help
feel free to make a post such as how do I overcome loneliness blah blah blah and the whole community will come to your aid

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  1. I first engaged with pmo at age 11-12, when my friends showed me some videos, have million sexual jokes and it was all they talk about, there is more details …
    I was alone feeling isolated I’m different in everyway, my family is different, my beliefsz my religion,poor…, I had friends but couldn’t relate or feel I belong. So here I first turned to porn to feel like what they feel or try to understand what they’re talking about. It made me feel slightly like them, then with the sexual talk and jokes which j didn’t understand, I started trying things alone on my self, I actually hurted my privates trying stuff. So it filled some voide, filled the loneliness I had, I was used to have my brother at third grade be left to another school, so suddenly I became all alone, my family didn’t know anything about m, I go home no one knows the shit I was going through, I was confused and didn’t understand myself, what’s missing, I’m the allien in my inviroment, it caused many problems and fights. Note I didn’t feel like the other boys.

Till age 13-14 I was watching occasionally and masturbating, try to push myself to feel like others ,be like others, to become part of some group, memic there actions there acts everything, trying to understand what I’m missing. I tried to reach couple girls and was the only 2 girls I actually liked back then (could relate to others not at all) they rejected me badly, one used me to prank me in front of the whole school the other humiliated me, anyway at one of these days I went to visit a friend, and there he touched me, I didn’t know what to do, I did exactly what he’s doing back to him, we had sort of sex, he was the only one I trusted and the only one that listened, so felt great for a month, someone taking care of me, then left starting treating me like shit, there I realized what have I done, I’ve no one, he used me, and no way I can tell anyone about it, so made my life million times worst, this is were I starty masturbating 5-7 times a day, then I understood, this means I’m homsexual, this one thing my community hates and attack , I am this thing, I didn’t get attracted to a girl since the second huge rejection, did get attracted to boys, the rest in delima depression loneliness, Burried all the suffering with porn and masturbation,

So as for the second question, most time I masturbate or watch porn it’s cause I’m feeling bad, idk how to deal with my problems.
It’s not coming from place of have sexual desires … Cause I don’t have sexual desires much.
Sorry for the above for sounding very negative, imy taking actions trying to understand myself, and get things back in order, I had alot of grey things in life, but it’s porn we’re talking about now, and it’s not one of them

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First off thank you for sharing Rab
Welcome to the community where
here its more than just fighting an addiction
if you don’t mind me asking where do you want to see yourself in 3 months and another 1 year from now
what direction do you want to go in life?

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I began watching porn and masurbating by the age of 11 and at the time I thought I had stumbled onto something no one else had and I loved it. It felt like my own little comfort which brought me nothing but joy from all the discomforts around me(Abuse from my father, taken from my mother, being away from her for 2 years, not socializing, etc). It took me from that world of pain and gave me nothing but a good feeling… Until it started to hurt.

As I grew older and well into my mid teens I started seeing that my fetishes and wants were getting increasingly more and more with me spending hours and hours looking for that one video and then climaxing only to then put my head down in shame and look at myself in the mirror… To say the least I could barely even look at myself in the mirror and it almost felt mutual.
I almost quit it back when I was 17 but a break up caused me to go back into the addiction leading me to wasting an entire year.
Then I restarted when I turned 18 only to fuck up half of the year because I thought one day wouldn’t do anything.

Now I’m still 18 and I’ve started again since October but this time I’ve been noting down every feeling and it’s helped more than I thought.

To be fair I still feel weak and the thoughts of just quiting and going back fill my mind everyday… But I wanna stop hating myself and move forward.

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I have always known how bad this cycle is , as porn and fap is a result of lonliness , but being an addict , it makes me even less attractive and hence more loneliness and then more porn more fap. You would say i’m dumb because i know this thing and still not able to break free , but it’s really hard when your mind is working against you , it’s like your biggest enemy .
I don’t think habits or addictions ever vanish , they are just replased by something else. I had replased porn with games , movies , Omegle and what not. But you see those replacements aren’t any better if not worse. I tried getting a new productive habit like reading , meditation , exercise but I got bored of them evetually, and whenever there was a set-back i would fall into the cycle again. The only thing that worked for me was having a companion , it’s like my mind is craving for it. When i had that companion , there were no urges or struggle , but now it’s gone due to the results of porn and fap and now i’m back into this shithole. The same struggle again .

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I want to have clear head from pmo & sexuality debates , Be pure around people.
I want people to look up for me, I want to prove myself as pianist, got couple pieces in hand I need to do.

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i really feel for you and everyone here
I’m going to be strong so that i can help you and those in need one day.
try to keep living and fighting
don’t give up

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You’ll be able to do It man.
Staying away from porn gives you back to yourself in a way and you feel like you’ve control on yourself.
Long as you keep doing what you love and are proud of yourself while at it then no matter your sexuality, your previous short comings, etc, you’ll still be the best of who you are and no one could tell you otherwise.
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Ngl I didn’t expect to be making a motivation speech lol

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Hahaha thanks man

20 characters lol

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