[Byrhtnoth] [30M] Been here too long, time to leave

So that’s it. I hit the big 3-0 and can officially kiss my young adult life goodbye. Now I’m just an…adult. NoFap is something I’ve been on and off since I was 21 so you could say I’m a failure since I’m still here. I won’t beat myself up over it. I won’t say ive failed because I’m unmotivated or undisciplined, but I will say I have failed at nofap because I was too scared to commit. I was unwilling to take responsibility for my actions and accept that I have spent my 20s struggling deeply with porn addiction. Well I’m done running.

My goal starting today is to leave fapping behind. I will leave the part of this community that struggles with their first few days over and over, and become someone that helps others in this community get past their hurdles and breaks their barriers. I know it won’t be easy, but I’m commiting now to breaking my addiction and I’ll see you guys on the other side.

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At 40 you will realize u were so young at 30. It’s never too late… Forget the number.
Now you have so much experience. You know yourself, your triggers and what works for you.
Just put it into a perfect plan and surrender yourself to that plan. No buts or ifs.

At the age of 40, the eagle grows old. His wings weaken, his claws become dull and not remain sharp. Many eagles die of not hunting perfectly and getting not enough food.

But some eagle pluck their own feathers and strike their claws at rock. New feathers grow. Their claws sharpen. They become POWERFUL AGAIN, perhaps more powerful due to strength plus experience.

So my dear friend, make a plan, a perfect plan, surrender yourself to this plan. And follow through. A new and better you will be BORN. :fire:

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Thanks man, appreciate the words of wisdom.

Day 1: had a few urges but nothing too bad. Journaling here helps me stay committed and inspired by everyone else going through the same struggle.

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Day 2: it’s been a busy and crazy day. The stress of it almost had me relapsing as a way to relax but luckily I caught myself. It’s crazy how easily your brain can trick you into fapping even when you don’t want to. It wants those dopamines, that coping mechanism. Tomorrow is day 3, after which will have been the longest I have gone in over 10 years without fapping. Wish me luck.

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Day 3, it is Wednesday my dudes. Felt a few urges but honestly not too bad. I’m missing porn now more than fapping, just the novelty of having any girl I want but hey if this is what starting to reboot my brain feels like, I’ll take it.

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Day 4: heyy I’m still here. It’s the longest I’ve gone without fapping tbh. Let’s see if I can make a week.

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U r doing good bro… Keep up the motivation and make a routine. Be disciplined… Believe in yourself. You can do it :fire::fire::fire:

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Day 4.5 Boy I’m bad at tracking the days. I’ve decided at this point I’m going for a 90 day challenge. I might have some stops and starts along the way, but that is going to be my goal date, 90 days straight without fapping. Today my brain was missing all the novel stuff. You know, anime tiddies and all the weird porn you get into when you’re addicted. Good riddance tbh, I know I’m healthier without it. It’s like giving up eating cake every day. You’ll miss the sugar rush but you know it’s better for you in the long term. Keep at it brothers. This is my PB, every day past this is new territory and I’m more motivated because of that and because I know everyone on here is going through something similar. We’re all gonna make it :muscle:

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Day 5, pretty easy cause I’m with family, not much to say.

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Boy I suck at consistent updates lol. Day 7, honestly I feel like I’m sabotaging myself a bit. I’m looking at porn but not fapping. This doesn’t seem like the way to do it.

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Day 8 :Honestly I still feel pretty good. Ive been exposed to porn but it just feels like images now. My brain doesn’t have the same associations which makes it a bit easier.

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Bro please avoid porn or it will mess up your recovery.

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Yup this is not the way to do it… Watching porn and not relapsing will not heal your brain as you are still giving it dopamine that it’s craving for …fapping without porn is still better than watching porn…

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Yup, called it. I relapsed, damn it all. Sigh. You know what the worst part was? I knew I was about to relapse and instead of doing anything, instead of walking away from my computer or stopping what I was doing, I just let myself relapse. I’m back to day 0. But now, I know. I got to day 8 last time, let’s try for day 9 this time.

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Day 1. A little wobbly but okay. It’s almost tough to remember that I want to not fap, my body is just so used to it it’s like instinctual which makes it easy to give in.

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Wow, my last post was 16 days ago. That’s how long I’ve been in this bad state of relapsing after my first try. I’m not saying it’s a failure, we know that success is just made up of many failures, finding out what works and what doesn’t. I’ve found that not being public and not stating my intentions here doesn’t work for me. Let give this another go. What’s important is that I’m back and I’m trying again in this new year.

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We gotta do it brother. Enough of this crippling life ruining addiction.

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Truth. Day 1: Going okay but day 1 is easy. I’ve had a lot of stress I need to work out though and I hope it doesn’t take the form of relapsing. I know I turn to fapping when I’m stressed so I need to find another outlet. Working out helps me but even still.

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This is a journal of my failures and relapses. Im back here, nearly a month later. Now you can see why this is so hard. Promising myself I’ll be better next time, but instead it’s failure after failure.

But! The path to success is not a straight line. I’ve found that my first, most successful streak happened after starting to check in in this kind of public forum for accountability. So I’m gonna keep trying. And I hope in the future this will serve as a personal record of my success.

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I have to ask myself, why am I here? Why am I doing this, trying this no FAP journey along with everyone else? It’s because I think like others, I realize that not only is there more to life than staring at a screen with naked women or men on it, but the act of doing so keeps us from finding fulfillment in other parts of our life.

Whenever I fap, I not only feel ashamed of what I’ve done, but I feel disassociated. I don’t feel like myself for a period of time, but instead like a puppet who reacts to stimuli. I just let whatever happens happen, without being able to take personal responsibility for my actions. Keep that up long enough and create an addiction for it, and now you’re not really living. You’re just letting things happen to you.

I think that’s why I’m here. Fapping is stealing my ability to be myself. It takes away my agency, my sense of humor, my drive to be productive and do what fills my soul and makes me feel alive.

It’s important to fight back and tell ourselves that we are more than our addictions. That it is possible to break a habit we’ve had for 2, 5, 10+ years. So let’s keep at it, gents. Keep trying even if we may fail over and over. Just that is a step in the right direction.

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