The excitement at finally finding a place to get super and accountability hasn’t work off yet and has carried me through the first few days. Not sleeping the first night was tough, but last night I slept better. Very busy week at work. Will do more journaling when I have a little more time. Hopefully documenting my journey will help me not to relapse.
I feel good so far, but it’s my first nofap weekend. I’m trying to put as many external roadblocks in the path of relapse that I can. I made sure that there will be people around all weekend, and I physically removed the lock off of my bedroom door. I want to quit porn! If I need to remove the whole fucking door, I will.
The human mind is amazing in what it can accomplish and awful in how it can try to convince us to do things to ourselves that we know are harmful. My brain keeps sending me fake memories of how good I felt when I was looking at porn. I know that’s not true, at all. What is going to feel good is getting a full night’s rest on a Friday night for once, and not dragging ass the rest of the weekend. I don’t think I’m crazy, but I feel it feels like it when I’m having such a spirited argument with myself🤣 I wouldn’t have resisted the feeling a week ago, but tonight I will! Going through this with all of you gives me strength.
Had some strong urges to look at porn earlier. Every time I turn my laptop on I I feel my pulse quicken and I start to get hard. I’ve resisted so far and I’m going to go to sleep before I get more tired and have a moment of weakness. I’m excited to wake up in the morning tomorrow. I haven’t had that feeling on Saturday and Sunday for as long as I can remember. Mornings SUCK when I look at the clock and realize it’s 4AM and I’ve been looking at porn for 5+ hours.
Tonight is coming up on 1 week PMO. These next two days are going to be difficult. My kids stay with my mother Monday night and Tuesday nights, so I’m all alone. My normal routine has been to get out of work, have a quick dinner, and then watch multiple hours of porn until bedtime. I’ve lined up things to occupy my time, but I’m still afraid. So many times I told myself, “you’re not looking at porn tonight,” but I still would. Often, I’d convince myself that I can watch for 30 minutes, then be able to turn it off. But I can never stop once I start. It felt like I was possessed sometimes! I’m going to grille ribs, do some housework, finish my taxes and hopefully exercise. That should take me to bedtime. Any encouragement is appreciated. It really does motivate me to resist the temptation. I gotta do this!
Good bro, you planned all and is ready for fight it. Just not think so hard about it and just do what is on the list.
Remember why you are doing this, why you have to do this discipline to yourself, and how will you will feel tomorrow when you awake and you are happy that you succeed in self-control! You conquered it! You have won over this one day more!
Do not give up! I will be rooting for you today too! We are on this together!
Thank you. Made it another day. Tough night. Not sure I would have been able to resist if no one reached out. Until tomorrow…fight on!