🔵 Blue Buddha's 🧘🏻‍♂️ => Diary

I am starting this New Diary by hoping that I will change my life… the way I wanted ! Cope up all my fears and become new me. I understand what all it takes…

This addiction made me worse in last 3years. Yeah I accept that I was in and out from the community… But mostly I am trying to get out of this bog.
I will do whatever I must do…

I don’t wanna lie to myself… But lying becoming my habit. I want to accept myself as I am then only I can love myself unconditionally.

If anyone want to add any advice… You’re most welcome. :pray:
It’s like I am starting my journey once again.

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Day 1 22hrs completed without any peeking.

Yday I blocked my mobile(using keep me out app) while going to bed.
So, I didn’t face any urges.
Even I stop using digital devices… what I mean by that is I stop using mobile Unnecessarily (for wasting time). I already have something in my mind what should I do(Pre-Planned).
I started pointing out what mistakes I am doing on day to day basis and what needs to change either about nofap and other fields.

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Day 2 16hrs completed total clean without peeking

Yday it was raining here and my clothes hot clumsy so I changed my clothes and then…
I accept that y’day night I felt a strong urge to PMO. Again I blocked my mobile. I was wondering whole night in my home here and there waiting for the urge to pass.
Successfully mission accomplished for clean y’day night.

Today morning I wake up… It was normal morning but I feel little more energetic then regular days(when I do PMO).
I felt urge to PMO in the morning too but I didn’t taken mobile in hand until I am leaving to go for office.

I procrastinate many things which I need to improve.
Rest of the I will try to improve…
Because tomorrow never comes.

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After 3days completing I can’t stop myself from relapsing.
My last mistake - I was keep on thinking how it feels like. … I relapse after 3days & this edging (made it worse)
Because it takes lot of patience, hardwork & consistency to be on track.

Learning from my mistake.

I won’t stop here, still continuing the journey.
Just Be with me…

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After day 2 on day 3 relapsed…
Feeling so much horny that I couldn’t control myself to watch P*, my mind was forcing me to watch that whole day… Somehow I was ignoring those commands till night I reach home.
I should have block my phone again once I get back to bed.
I don’t have any problem till 2days like it passes very fast. But after 2nd day I need dopamine chemical.

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First few days are always hard. Distract yourself with other dopamine sources when you feel like watching p*, like good music or a good movie or a good show.
You can exercise, meditate, take deep breaths, take a walk, anything but search for p*. In a few days that craving will get minimised and easy to control.

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@Samaranjay thanks for the advice bro :slight_smile:

I always do this whenever I feel cravings or an urge.
But after an hour it came again

Yeah you’re right… May be that’s the reason–> a lot of stress in office which makes me tired… mind start craving to feel happy. substitution p*(is a wrong decision)

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That is common, but if you hold on for few days like 2 weeks or so, the cravings decrease. The urges come once in a while but easier to handle than during first few days.
But you should always have the reason for doing no fap written down somewhere. Do this now, write why you are on no fap or why you started. I knew that but didn’t write it that’s why I failed last time probably.
Now a days when I feel like giving up I look at the written down lines and they fuel me up.

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One thing I noticed that I getting more attraction from digital devices… That somehow I am becoming digitally dependent rather than writing notes in the diary.

I have to use limited time these digital devices.
Let’s try from tomorrow.
I will add once again new habit of reading books :open_book:.
Which I dropped in the middle.

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I am not a pro in handling my device usage but you can use digital detox app to lock yourself out of your device. You can also choose important apps in it that you want to use during the detox.
I actually don’t like that app that much, as it is somehow technology, so we’ll be using technology to get rid of technology :joy:, but yeah there’s no harm in trying.

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:warning: relapsed

Yday I was watching some video(randomly) which indirectly pointing on women’s.
My brain got triggered and I sleep in relapse position. It’s like giving a piece of cake to mice.
Now my mind forcing too hard like I can’t even sleep properly.
I am wandering here and there… Later I clicked the 4 letter word and searched.
I didn’t watch but I entered those site and switched off mobile.
Then I MO. Relapsed.
I feel like I am stuck at day 2 from many days.
Today I am feeling lazy, low energy, sad, bored :expressionless:, less socialize
Whole day i was feeling sleepy :zzz: :yawning_face: yawning

I want to get out of this phase… Very badly.

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I always writes my relapse story…
But never wrote what i plan for next time. Pre relapse plan.

I should be strong while blocking mobile in night… It’s very strong step for me. As I am attracting too much towards digital devices.
That’s the only way to stop night relapses for me.

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You’ve got all the resources to quit this buddy. Start brainwashing all those scenes. It will be hard in the starting but it can be done. Whenever a picture appears in your mind rather than removing it try to make it blurry. Slowly It’ll fade away.

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@vickyx
How you do that? Can you tell me? I am curious to know.

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Just imagine the picture as you’d normally do, but make it blurry, like you’re seeing the thing through a translucent glass window

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@vickyx
Resources what are those can you list me out… At the time of urges I will read it here…

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There’s plethora of books, videos, articles that people suggested here. There personal experiences and tips and tricks. Give me sometime I’ll find the best one’s then I’ll get back to you.

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Mission 1 :-

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I am working for that…

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Be disciplined bro. That is the key. If you wake up at 5, do meditation at a certain time, exercise, take cold shower, study, do work, write gratitude journal etc then you can escape a lot of urges easily. Also be mindful when the urges arise. Look at Buddha; no one can make him angry or sad. Why? Because he is insanely Mindful all the time. Look at the urge, observe it, see what it’s doing, be curious, don’t try to fight back. If you fight back by saying “no I won’t ffap. I have this goal, that goal” then you will fail 100%
Don’t argue with mind. Mindfulness, meditation, yoga etc are very important

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