Blood in the water // Ash_Matt's journal

Ash_Matt · July 15, 2022, 1:47pm

Day 0

It’s been a while since I’ve restarted a diary. I think it’s a good time to begin one now.
Also changed my pfp. Wanted to go all out.

It’s been a new phase of life for me since the last one. The last diary began in a time of uncertainty. Of whether I would get into a medical college. An introverted kid who got into fapping. Who barely went out and didn’t hit the gym or talk to people so much face-to-face, since it wasn’t the time. I was focused purely on studies back then.
Now it’s different. With GOD’s help, I got into med school, got bigger and muscular than before, am much more confident socially and have no issues talking to people. Since my focus isn’t purely on studying but on building myself up, I can afford to go out and meet people, besides studying.

The only issue is the common problem that affected me then. That affects me now.
The habit of PMO.

I am here to get rid of it. I learned from my last relapse, so here’s a list of things

Things I am already doing:
Cold shower daily
Work out consistently
Study daily
Practise basketball when needed
Balance studies and my social life well

Things I need to do:
Meditate daily
Have a diet plan and follow it, no snacking unnecessarily
Being disciplined enough to do chores on time
Keep track of daily tasks using a good reminder app
Ace my studies (>70% marks…in med school this is quite difficult)
Log my day on rewire companion and reflect

Daily Checklist for weekdays

Cold shower
Wake up by 5
Sleep by 10
No snacking
No cheat days
Not seeing Minecraft YouTube videos
Meditate
Finish my tasks ahead of time
Facial exercises
Work out (gym/home workout)
Plan the next day
Call up people as required
Check-in to Habitica
At least 5 minutes of improvement-focused reading
Check-in to Rewire Companion

At weekends I usually go out with friends, chill and do other non-academic stuff. So I’ll not have a checklist for weekends since I want to have fun as well. But weekdays, it’s better that I’m focused.
I don’t want to watch Minecraft/ play the game since sadly my mind has associated my childhood favourite game with relapsing. I usually relapse subconsciously because the trigger is watching just a regular Minecraft YoutTube video. As much as I love the game (I’ve been playing it for over 10 years) right now, it’s not worth it. Not until my brain reboots.

I am praying this works. Going all in this time.

FLAME ON FOREVER

pingpong1 · July 15, 2022, 2:32pm

Pheonix with full power. Let’s goo …

Sholt_Peterson · July 15, 2022, 3:27pm

Finally @Samaranjay inspired you . The title is enough to give goosebumps.

All the best bhai. Btw nice dp .

pingpong1 · July 15, 2022, 4:04pm

Btw what is the significance of blood in the water bro??

Sholt_Peterson · July 15, 2022, 4:12pm

Rooh-afsa .

Jk, maybe he will be disciplined and work hard like a warrior . Or any anime reference.

Surbatingsi · July 15, 2022, 4:19pm

It’s a signe that someone could be attacked at any time. Like danger up ahead or mayday, mayday.

pingpong1 · July 15, 2022, 4:26pm

It doesn’t make sense. (Don’t make toyst joke)

Samaranjay · July 15, 2022, 4:50pm

What I interpreted was like even if there’s one drop of blood in a lot of water it’ll be clearly visible or it has the power to change whole water to the same color.
So if we work on ourselve and keep improving, we can be that drop of blood in the water of today’s society.
That’s totally my interpretation though .

Samaranjay · July 15, 2022, 4:53pm

The new profile picture is awesome .
You’ve changes profile picture for the first time since I’ve been here .

That’s why I also decided to create a new diary, also someone suggested I should create one and I was like I am starting new journey anyway so why th not?.

Ash_Matt · July 15, 2022, 5:00pm

Thanks so much, guys, much appreciated @pingpong1 @Sholt_Peterson @Samaranjay

What @Surbatingsi said is right. Blood in the water stands for apparent weakness or vulnerability. I am not sure of this, but I’m pretty certain it comes from the fact that sharks are usually just curious about creatures around them, but the moment they smell blood, even from miles away, they know that the creature is weak and they will swim miles and come together in a frenzied horde to attack and kill and eat that creature.

When I put that title in my diary, I was referring to all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. There are people around me who like to judge me about them. My aim in putting that as my topic was to accept them and work on them. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. I know my weaknesses, so I can work on them.

Another side of this is my shark side there are people who like to fake being perfect but are really just hiding behind masks. But those masks have cracks and they will leak. There will be blood in the water. And I will know when there is. And they can keep judging me, but there will still be blood in the water.

I was also inspired by this song:

Ash_Matt · July 15, 2022, 5:08pm

Day 1

Cold shower
Wake up by 5
Sleep by 10 (have to study)
No snacking
No cheat days
Not seeing Minecraft YouTube videos
Meditate
Finish my tasks ahead of time
Facial exercises
Work out (gym/home workout)
Plan the next day
Call up people as required
Check-in to Habitica
At least 5 minutes of improvement-focused reading
Check-in to Rewire Companion

This week was really busy. I had an exam on Monday, then travelled the next to days for another basketball tournament (we came 2nd) and then came back. Tomorrow again I have a test.

Tomorrow’s plan
I’m planning to sleep around 12 and wake up around 4 for tomorrow. To study for the exam which I haven’t prepared enough in my opinion for. It’s only one day, I can rest later. Will have to skip going to the gym tomorrow though.
After 4:30 in the evening, I haven’t exactly decided what to do. I will either go to the library and study till 6, then chill with my friends/play basketball. Otherwise directly after college I will go out somewhere with my friends. Just as an impromptu plan.
I also told one of my friends I’ll call her. I need to remember to do that tomorrow.

That’s all for now, I guess.
Peace out
Flame on

prothekter_aden · July 16, 2022, 3:31am

Dude that profile pic is hella sexiiiii

Sholt_Peterson · July 16, 2022, 7:14am

It won’t make sense if i will create such titles .

@Samaranjay bhai is right.

Sholt_Peterson · July 16, 2022, 7:16am

All the best bhai.

Don’t tell me that you forget it .

Ash_Matt · July 17, 2022, 12:51pm

Day 1

Yesterday and today were the weekend days, so I let down my guard. Wasted too much time that I could have spent well. I regret it, but it’s only given me even more desire not to waste my time.

Today was not a good day. It had potential to be a great day, but I wasted it.
I woke up late and wasted time on my phone, before finishing up watching Jurassic World Dominion, which had been on my watchlist for months now. Then I did some chores in my room, before watching 3 episodes of Obi-Wan Kenobi. Series is pretty decent, though not amazing. I don’t think it lived up to the hype. Literally the only thing I liked about the series was Darth Vader’s character, and even then they ruined it. There were so many scenes where they could have played the Imperial March theme, but no, Disney as always, continues to ruin Star Wars.

Honestly, this had so much potential.
Besides that, I went to the nearby court to play basketball, but it began raining, so I headed back

Thanks man!

Thank you! It went well.

Nah man I called her. We spoke for a while, it was fun since I was feeling bored. This is the first weekend I’ve spent so far in my hostel. I’ve always gone out and enjoyed the weekends- we were planning to go watch a movie this weekend but friends all left for their native places cause they felt like, so there was no one to go with. I mean, there were a couple of girls who would go out, but eh it’s not fun if there’s only girls. Either going out with only one girl, or if its a group there has to be at least one more guy only then I can enjoy.

Cold shower
Wake up by 5
Sleep by 10 (have to study)
No snacking
No cheat days
Not seeing Minecraft YouTube videos :
Meditate
Finish my tasks ahead of time
Facial exercises
Work out (gym/home workout) :
Plan the next day
Call up people as required
Check-in to Habitica
At least 5 minutes of improvement-focused reading
Check-in to Rewire Companion

I need to improve. I have to. Do or do not, there is no try.

Tomorrow’s plan
Well, this week will be busy as well. I have exams on Thursday and Friday. And I have to attend a meeting (if I get the time) on Thursday. Also I might have to go out with someone some time this week (I usually don’t go out during weekdays, but this one is kinda owed to her so yeah). So tomorrow I will wake up by 4, study till around 5:30, change and hit the gym, come back and shower, go to college etc. Hopefully from 5 to 8 in the evening I will be able to study for the tests I have this week. I’ll come back and do some more laundry, I need to do that. That’s enough for tomorrow.

There are a couple things I still want to do, might come back and check on these later-

Write something on Obi-Wan Kenobi
Draw something on Procreate as a wallpaper

That’s all for now, I guess.
Peace out,
Flame on

Ash_Matt · July 18, 2022, 4:23pm

Day 2

Cold shower
Wake up by 5
Sleep by 10 : (have to study)
No snacking
No cheat days
Not seeing Minecraft YouTube videos :
Meditate
Finish my tasks ahead of time :
Facial exercises
Work out (gym/home workout) :
Plan the next day :
Call up people as required
Check-in to Habitica
At least 5 minutes of improvement-focused reading :
Check-in to Rewire Companion

Not a bad day.
Our class has some people who don’t know when to shut up, they clap and howl during class for the lamest possible reasons. They think it’s cool to act like they’re twelve-year-olds and bE rEbElS and think RuLeS aRe MeAnT tO bE bRoKeN. But the annoying part is that since this is a college, teachers refuse to teach the entire class because of them. And if the teachers complain to the Dean etc. then the entire batch could be suspended.
Which is dumb, and most of the class dislikes it. I took them to task and asked them to grow up, and one of my friends, our Class Rep, told them off. I wrote about this here because I felt proud about taking charge and trying to make sure our class is mature, apologizing on behalf of them to annoyed teachers etc. Small steps in leadership. Baby steps.
Something else I stopped doing today was hanging around people who didn’t give me respect. I feel more outspoken nowadays for some reason. Don’t care what other people think.
Keep that testosterone coming, let’s go!

I did draw on Procreate and made a new wallpaper.

Tomorrow’s plan
Have to go on another village visit as part of my curriculum, so I better prepare for that. I want to wake up by latest 4:45 am and study well for upcoming exams this week. I’ll be busy in the evening because besides studying I’ll also have to go out and meet someone coming to the city, and I can’t say no. Besides the slight nervousness about tomorrow’s visit (it’s a village…always a different experience), I’m pretty calm, just slightly worried about exams.
Something I HAVE to make sure I do tomorrow is meditating. Can’t let go of that.
Started more advanced sets in the gym today, that was cool.

That’s all for now I guess,
Peace out,
Flame on

prothekter_aden · July 18, 2022, 4:35pm

There always will be assholes bro…Always.

Very nice brooo…“Don’t be in places where u are not given importance” I think Chankaya had quoted this.

Either way good going

Ash_Matt · July 18, 2022, 5:13pm

Slightly cringey, but I still enjoyed it.

Ash_Matt · July 19, 2022, 4:09pm

Day 0

Fell again today. Won’t get into it much, but basically, it was avoidable. I had gone out to meet someone, came back, with some unhealthy food and watched random YT clips (mostly basketball) but the laziness led to relapse. I need to stop that.
I’ve made changes now- installed a blocker and paid for it for the first time- and no more junk food in the room is a new rule I will follow.

Cold shower
Wake up by 5
Sleep by 10 : (have to study)
No snacking
No cheat days
Not seeing Minecraft YouTube videos :
Meditate
Finish my tasks ahead of time :
Facial exercises
Work out (gym/home workout) :
Plan the next day :
Call up people as required
Check-in to Habitica
At least 5 minutes of improvement-focused reading :
Check-in to Rewire Companion

Tomorrow’s plan
I’ll be sleeping late today to study and make up for the wasted day. Going to be productive as heck for what’s left of today. Tomorrow I’ll wake up late (around 6ish) and immediately hit the gym, go to college, and plant myself in the library after that. No coming back to my room and being unproductive.

That’s all for now, I guess.
Peace out,
Flame on

Ash_Matt · July 20, 2022, 5:14pm

Day 1

Cold shower
Wake up by 5 :
Sleep by 10 : (have to study)
No snacking :
No cheat days
Not seeing Minecraft YouTube videos :
Meditate
Finish my tasks ahead of time :
Facial exercises
Work out (gym/home workout) felt too tired from fapping
Plan the next day :
Call up people as required
Check-in to Habitica
At least 5 minutes of improvement-focused reading :
Check-in to Rewire Companion

Not a bad day. The next two days will be hell. Gotta grind and work hard. Two exams in two days. If I make myself satisfied with the results I will allow myself to enjoy more in the weekend.
No real planning needed for tomorrow. Just keep grinding.