Black Magic's Diary

SEPTEMBER 21

There’s nowadays always a moment in a day where I have sudden urge, then I just think about whether I should relapse or not, then I don’t relapse because I still have some willpower but I think my method needs to evolve.

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SEPTEMBER 22

Today was really intense, I was just an inch away from relapse, I peeked 3 times but thank god I didn’t relapse and I know I am being way too mindless thinking peeking won’t hurt but now my willpower is just decreasing. A thing I have learnt that willpower is not enough you have to build good habits within the streak like meditation, so in the time of urge these habits can save you. Feels like I back few blocks.
A big Thanks to @NofapperAADI for helping me in time of an urge. You are the best dude.

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How did he help you bro?

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Through messaging, So to have some tips how to deal with urges.

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23 SEPTEMBER
Day 54

Relapsed.
Sorry everyone.

Takeaways from this is that I would like too suggest everyone to build habits like breathing exercise, meditation so in the time of an urge you won’t lose your calm and composure.
Thanks for the all the support. I got my H.S. because of this.

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Day 0

I lost again after 4 days of trying again. When you work hard on your streak and it needs only one relapse to go back again the same number from you don’t wanna be again. Consistency is a very big problem.

So from tomorrow I am gonna start my habits and I will change it after 6 months only.

1.Skipping 1000
2. Meditation
3. Evening Exercise
4. Waking up at 7

I can’t stay like this forever. I have got change myself because I still have time.

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At day 5

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Congratulations buddy :sparkles::confetti_ball:
Finally you are improving. I will join the race from tomorrow again.

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I just didn’t get feeling to report in my diary but I feel like it’s not worth it to be lazy. I just two 3 days streak but failed in both of them so starting to again. Also I am gonna few more things on my list.

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Just some thoughts

I am studying but in a relaxing way, the things or assignment I can complete in 1 hours I do it in 1:30 houes or even take 2 hours sometimes and at the end of the day I am just only 3-4 ticks in my diary which have 10 habits almost. I need to make major change in my schedule plus I need to be more active while studying because studying in a relaxing mode, I am having backlogs in my study which is not good at all. I just want to forget nofap amd fix my life first. I think I need to make a map in which I should write the things which I have backlog just to sort out things and maybe it will help to complete my work in a structural manner again. Organic Chemistry was going good for me because of daily revision now it is just getting weak because I am lazy and have over confidence in the subject? If I break the flow then I will just lose the all the understanding of the subject. It just like carbon chain and once it breaks you know what happens. So what I have got to do is study in a active manner, make a mind map for backlogs and Revision. I have daily doing Skipping about 1000 and it fits my schedule doesn’t take too much time. Procrastination just make your life tougher. I also of thinking meditation but everytime I procrastinate it.

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Journal

Day 3

This day was so much better than the previous days. Commitment helps. I woke up at 9:00 AM which wasn’t my usual time at all but I am not pissed or felt terrible, I knew this would happen if I sleep at 2:30 AM. I know it is not a good time to sleep, but I just wanted to complete my work before I sleep and not skip it to yesterday. As said yesterday I wrote my backlogs in my diary and guess what I almost met half of it. Today was a change in my schedule because I always take an early bath but today I took an afternoon bath which is much better because I didn’t have to break the flow of my studies.

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Daily Journal

Day 4

It was a semi-productive day. Studied for some time and also had a long talk with my friends. I had an intense urge in the afternoon because I have a pattern here of getting the urge on Day 3 but this time I recognized it and conquered the urge breaking the loophole. The thing I have got to do for tomorrow is to make a weekly plan and set daily targets and I have got to practice a lot of questions too which I have been lacking behind. I have my test this week so I have gotta prepare for that too I noticed one more thing is that I should use my phone only when I desperately need it rather than unnecessarily because when I take a study break and use my phone thinking it would help me relax but actually that’s what not happening, it is just consuming my energy more and after that, I feel less focused, I am gonna try going for walk and moving here and there sometimes or think of some other alternatives.

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Journal

DAY 0

I relapsed but it was not just relapse it was breaking point for me. I was feeling so ashamed for my deed. I promised myself I won’t relapse but then see me relapsing again and again. I felt like crying. I desperately want improve myself. All I am doing is degrading to an another lower level.

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We all are in the same boat brother. I believe we can get out of this.

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I know we all will get out of it but when I relapsed it was so shameful for me. I felt like betraying myself, and my loved ones. It wasn’t just a relapse.

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bro it’s okay, don’t be so harsh to yourself.

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A Successful man is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration

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I relapsed again after making a streak of 1 day 16 hours and Actually, I don’t find any reasons for myself to stop PMO. I really like @NukePizza’s way of writing 5 Ideas to improve yourself so I will also do that. One way or the other I have to leave, I have been a disappointment for the last few days but still, I have the potential to leave it is just I have been demotivated for the past few days, and couldn’t find a reason again.

Here we go now Ideas to improve me.


Idea - 1: Identifying my triggers

Most of the I think procrastination is the reason and I have noticed I have specific timing too which is 12:00 to 2:00 and 3 to 4 because I am studying alone at this time, So next if I am gonna get an urge at this time I will make sure I should be busy and ignoring the urge.


Idea 2: Finding my reason again.

Whenever I relapse I feel like I have lost my gains or my positives but that isn’t what happens consecutive relapses are what make me weak and make me more lenient toward porn which makes me forget why I am doing nofap.


Idea 3: Studying more efficiently

For me studying efficiently means Constant Revision, Practicing questions at a timely interval + Plus don’t get panicked at the time of a test + Reducing the amount of time in breaks


That’s it for now, I will write my thoughts, ideas and whatever else

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Nice! :-D*

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The 5 ideas habit quickly adds up, you get to new levels in your life very quickly

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Journal

Made small streaks like 1 day -2 days just failed in them This time I will not give excuses, I give in so easily, that’s the truth. Weak mindset. Diwali is near I am gonna try completing work and study. 2 weeks left in October and I want to make 14 days streak and control my sweet intakes.

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