I had failed many many too many times. It is very very hard for me. I dont know if this is only with me or others are also suffering.
I am confused right now. Am i searching for women or there is some magnet which keeps me relapsing into the trap.
Yeah ! This is a trap. Natural as everybody feels like that. I dont know but i am too much into this sex thing.
Orgasm, opposite sex, always been troubling me since i advanced into teenage.
If i resist but never so long, had to give in, the hormones whatever, hijacks my mind into submission. Total domination.
Am i enjoying it, at first looks like so but in the end, emptyness… emptyness… sleepy… weak… no motivation… these things when i get involved into them sucks my precious sexual energy. I can feel something in me rising as my streak progress & when i indulge into pmo, my situation becomes like a inflated tyre, like some puncture, accident happens… tragedy of my life.
Tried to fight and sometimes when i got recovered & thought yeah ! I can relax now. Then & there. The sleep wiplash me back and slip into the hole of tragedy again. One moment your focus gone. The streak is gone. So much attention to keep all the time. So much stress of Rising high. The struggle is real atleast for me, it is too tough to bear. So,
They say until you reach your final goal, never relax. They say right.
Just an advise. You’ll want to relapse in a few days, if not earlier. Have a pact with yourself that before you relapse, you’ll read this Journal and write why you’re relapsing. There’s a high chance you won’t. stay sharp
I have build a ñew habit in past 3 months. It is habit of physical excercise. This habit is good for me. It keeps me in shape & gives me natural dopamine.
Today was my arms day.
3+4+2+4+4+3+3= 23 (pullup,chinup,armup)
After a relapse, it becomes hard for me to get a good night sleep, too much mental trauma yesterday night before sleep. The mind is confused and it need a solution. The problems are getting piled up & a huge mountain is there. Time to tackle one by one.
immunity gets low after 4 relapses, Sneezze in morning. Body heat was gone and the cold was unbearable.
Had a dream last night in which i was fapping. It scared me when i woke up because it felt so real.
2 Rounds of Cardio done for my legs. Sweat & it gives me a good start to the day.
You will get out of this brother. I can see it in you. As I have said before, whether anyone believes in you or not, I do. You will beat this addiction and be someone whom you can facevin the mirror. Keep doing what you’re doing without any expectations brother. Anything which leads to the progress of a human life without hurting others is worth trying.
May God bless you, my friend. Take care.
Mind wanted to watch women & related sexual stuff which leads to fap. I was scrolling through youtube, luckily didnt find any hot thumbnail.
Later closed the app and i was thinking that if i have to be at peace, i must not allow such actions.
An example of an pendulum came to my mind, if we do not hit the ball, the ball will come in rest in the middle but if we push it to one side, the pendulum starts swinging back & forth and goes on & on.
So, i have to just make sure i dont trigger the motion of pendulum, or the motion of pmo addiction. Step 1 is Porn.
Hence, if i dont invite the trouble, i can easily complete my Reboot
At night, i gave up the fight & surrendered. The trigger Won. Relapsed
Maybe i punished myself.
Maybe i was in pain because of her.
Why dont i take the responaibility of it on my shoulders.
Yes. This is Right, I was incapable to handle the stress.
And, now my wounds have become more wide.
