Hello. So, some people on this website already know about me. Quite a few of them even know my real name, my appearance, etc. But to all the unknown, here is my salutation.
I am currently a 26yo male living in North-Central part of India. I joined this website like exactly 2 years ago (I reckon it was 24th Nov, 2020 … time flies, damn). Back then, I was someone really fighting the habit of PMO. Besides I was also preparing for civil services exams. And unfortunately, I wasn’t able to succeed in either of my endeavours. Moreover, I had no friends back then, let alone having a girl friend.
Times were hard, covid was on its peak, people were dying, I was failing continuously and was so down and out that I wasn’t even myself anymore. I used to be a really jacked guy back in March-April, 2021 … but after that first because of covid and then because of dengue , my health fell and I could never get back to that state again. Also, my studies took a real hit amidst all of this and I completely got out of touch of studies. In such a depressed state, by the end of 2021, I decided to take a long break from this forum and all the components of my past life in general.
Comes 2022. Since I was desperate and lucky enough to be admitted in M.Sc. programme of a prestigious central university, I took admission there. For the first two months, our classes ran online, during which I became the favourite person of my classmates. I was in a debate team that won 1st prize on national level. Amidst all of this, my furious and desperate brain even got me a gf that I wouldn’t see till our offline classes began.
When our offline classes began, I found out that the girl whom I was drooling over wasn’t attractive at all. Moreover, she even had a strange personality which didn’t attract me much. But I could see that she had some real feelings for me and so out of respect for that I foolishly allowed her to force herself upon me. I went to hotel with her twice, and we dis a lot of things, but I always stopped myself from crossing that last line as I knew I’d leave her soon. And that day did come. I left her and I’m sorry for her, but that was how it was. I hope she finds someone way better than me who truly loves her.
Anyways, I got good marks in 1st sem. During our 1st and 2nd sem, I got close to some guys and in one of them, I found my best friend. Very nice person. I even moved next to his room to stay in contact with him most of the times. But I had to leave in September end.
Around the same time in September end, we went on a trip to Uttarakhand. What a beautiful place, and once again I became the class favourite… and once again I fell for a girl, but this time for real. She is a very nice girl, in addition to being really pretty. Looking at her inside-out, I find her to be perhaps the most beautiful girl I have ever met. But I knew, we would have to part one day. Unfortunately, that day came too soon, as I expressed my feelings to her pretty quickly… maybe too quickly. But good thing is that we stay in contact somehow. I hope she gets whatever she wants.
So, these days have been quite hard. I had a major heard break that really shattered me to pieces. Unfortunately, my best friend has stopped talking to me as well. And if it was not enough, I even fell seriously ill. 
So, here’s why I’m starting my diary again-
- I have to become successful asap and at any cost.
- I really have to heal myself.
- I have to become the best version of myself.
Simple things to be achieved-
- Keep myself busy most of the time.
- Study a lot and apply them wisely.
- Stay humble, respectful and kind towards everyone, no matter how I am feeling.
- Work out, run, etc to lose weight.
- Learn new skills.
- No procrastination.
Tools required-
Books (+ laptop) , digital detox, mental will power, meditation.
From tomorrow, I’ll be updating the following-
- My day in terms of hours
- Mobile phone usage (outside of study hours)
- Self study
- Exercise routine
With that note, I should say good night for today.
Hell yeaah broooo 
. Awesome title, I guess my words from yesterday did inspire you😂
Welcome back to the forum mate 
. We are gonna level up together.
For the time being, I’m gonna keep this qualitative rather than quantitative, so no measurement of my endeavours for now. First I need to ensure that I’m even ticking all the boxes.
So, as for yesterday,
- I’m still lost. I tried to sleep as much as I can to get over all these thoughts.
- I couldn’t do meditation or exercise as I can’t find enough time in the morning and I’m too tired and full to do that in the evening.
- I did study a bit… don’t know how much but still, I’m improving and thats important. Not gonna change it overnight.
- I didn’t use phone much, but I did use whatsapp to chat with Samaranjay in the morning, and then chat with 2 other people for like 30 minutes in the night. I was even stupid enough to still send a message to that girl, but it was only to ask her to put on a dp. Of course, she ignored my message.
Gotta focus on my own dignity and stop caring about her altogether.
My own success is the most important thing in my life… that is the most precious gift I can give to the people I love.
Bruh 
.
Come on bro… 
You know how serious and real it was. Give me some weeks or months or maybe years.
PrDr you are my BrDr (brother)
Bruh . Wishing you speedy recovery .
Well, it seems long since I was last seen here… 20 days! I didn’t realize the passing of so many days. Time seems to be flying quick and hard. In between these 20 days however, a lot of things happened, some good some bad, the usual life. Unfortunately for some reason I slipped after 80 days last week. Not much affected by that though, I can get back to that pretty quickly. For some time now, I’ve been forming a habit of running every morning and do some light exercises. I’ve been trying to focus on my work and studies more seriously, so I reckon that’s a good thing. I still lack focus and consistency but at least I’m serious and working continuously to get a bit better every day. Somehow for somedays, I’m getting flashbacks of so highly debated topic of 1% rule, maybe because I’m working on 0.01% rule, lol. But hey, progress is still a progress, as a wise man once said “if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl. Just somehow keep moving.” I can’t remember who said it, can’t even remember if I am repeating the exact same words, but it doesn’t matter. I’m hopefully doing the most important part right now, i.e., to live it. I hope one day my crawling will turn into a distance run that will take me to the top of my life. Another thing I’d like to share is that for a few days, I’ve been reading and trying to interpret the meaning of ShrimadBhagvadGita, and I find it hilarious how have I been able to keep myself away from such a beautiful piece of philosophy. Its a pity that humanity today associates such scriptures with a certain religion or something. In my opinion, every person irrespective of their religion or belief deserves to read and learn the teachings from such books, that still hold mighty relevance in today’s world.
Also, I have gone back on my ways of staying silent most of the time, put my phone on digital detox for days and months, facing problems by keeping myself busy and sleeping lol . I’m doing everything to turn myself into a person who is truly unhurt from the most saddening truths and truly unmovable by most pleasent news.
I can go on and on, as I love to write , haah, but I’ll end it here. I hope whoever reads it and whoever doesn’t read it, they all have a good time living this life.
Take care.
Bruh same here 
. We are becoming stoics .
And yeah I am crawling myself, but not stopping 
You’re lucky to fail in things you know you will get a second chance at … there are certain things that come once in a lifetime and if you fail, you will have to live for the rest of your life with that failure. But be gentle, be kind. We should learn to keep our pain to ourselves, and fight our own battles. Tougher the man, tougher the tests and more devastating the failures. Train your brain to become impervious to defeat, which doesn’t translate into being invincible but into being someone whose defeats cannot deviate him from the path of righteousness, love and compassion. One who never backs down from performing his duty, no matter how bad the pain is.
Heyo, guess who is back ? Nietzsche said and I quote, " during tough times, those emotions attack us which we have conquered long ago". Can’t be more right.
So, starting with where was I? To be honest, I got busy with my college work and forgot about this place. Past 10 months have been quite tough. A lot has happened, but lets not discuss them here right now. Maybe I’ll see tougher times in the future. But I know that there are few things which are in my control, and that I can change quickly.
First thing to overcome is the past. Its already 11th month now, come on. BTW that girl recently blocked me because I’d keep irritating her by dropping a message every 30-40 days. Ridiculous.
Second thing to overcome is my inactivity. Its been nearly 40 days since my college has gotten over, and I have been too lazy, stupid and weak to study a single day.
Third thing is kinda surprising and stupendous, as I thought I had conquered it already. Its PMO. I not only broke my streak, I was watching it deliberately with consistency for days. Since June, I have had many relapses …maybe over 40-50. Last of them happened on 31st July and I was on a clean streak till today, when I searched for something immoral on the net. Fortunately, I didn’t stay long, and didn’t relapse. But I need to get over this habit of seeing anything of that sort either.
And oh, I’m currently in the worst shape of my life. Even got a beer belly now. Hairfall is taking its toll too. I have been falling ill quite frequently as of late. Also, I got viral conjunctivitis in my both eyes a few days back , and I still have a blurry vision, though doctors clame it’ll become clear in a few more days. So I need to better my physical health as well.
So my current goals will be a few:
- Daily meditation
- Study
- Exercise
- Skill upgradation
- Getting rid of digital media addiction.
I know many other guys in here want to do the same, so I’ll be posting a challenge soon which will encompass all these points.
Remember, persistance and consistency is the key.
For me personally, this is only a start and hopefully I’ll keep improving everyday until I reach where I want to be.
Good to see that you built up the courage to write about everything and take action.
I have also stopped journaling here and it has done me no good, I have done things which I don’t relate to at all, I am also here to journal about all that today even when I decided I would never share those things, but it will do me no good.
Bro let me give your topic a name -
Heartbroken Desperate lover 