Welcome to the community Rubs, I hope you find what you’re looking for here.
I understand your point of view. There are times in the past where I would play porn games for 14-16 hours a day. For me, there was also an added ‘thrill’ of having to play the game and move the story forward to access more scenes and content. It’s a strange form of torture. It would be easier to load up a clip like everyone else and masturbate to that, but the fact that I had to put in work to see what I wanted to see made me feel like I had earned it, like it was a reward. That made it more enticing. Also, with porn games, they push the boundaries more than in other types of porn, so I found myself escalating to all sorts of weird scenarios and categories as a result that I wouldn’t have clicked on otherwise. Shemale, tentacles, incest, teacher/student, fantasy, furries, you name it.
It’s absolutely horrible. The amount of time wasted engaging in pornography, ruining my spiritual relationship with God, my relationships with loved ones, isolating myself from my friends and accountability partners, destroying my health and binging on junk food in-between PMO sessions, damaging my confidence and self-esteem, watching my finances deteriorate, it was a complete mess. All while I was a member of this community, telling myself that I was trying to quit doing PMO.
That said, don’t fall into the trap of thinking that ‘my struggle is different to what other people struggle with’ or ‘I can’t relate to them/they can’t relate to me because they didn’t look at the same kind of porn I did.’ I used to have that problem until my friend highlighted that all porn is filth and poison, regardless of what particular brand of it pulls your interest. An alcoholic whose poison is whiskey can’t say that a vodka drinker wouldn’t get what he’s going through.
I have a friend here on Rewire who masturbates exclusively to images of celebrities. Not nude images - just the kind you would see in newspapers and magazines like red carpet events at movie premieres and fashion galas. If he watches the Oscars, that’s extremely triggering for him. The question isn’t whether it counts as porn or not for other people. If you masturbate to it and it is ruining your life, it is porn for YOU, it is unsafe, and it is time to escape it for good. The methods for quitting PMO work regardless of what our particular brand of filth is.
My best advice to you is to read the EasyPeasy book on how to quit PMO addiction. You can find a copy at thebooktoquitporn.com or easypeasymethod.org. Having read 12 books on PMO addiction, I can safely say it is top-quality advice you won’t see anywhere else. It transforms our thinking about the nature of PMO addiction and puts us in the right mindset for success.