Day 60
If you’re having trouble changing your habits, the problem isn’t you, the problem is your system.
How do you improve your system? Set up a recovery plan, connect with your accountability partner and work on healthy habits!
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Day 62
When abstaining, sexual lust and a drive to procreate will build up within you. Remember that when masturbating to porn, you’ve been tricking your brain to think that you’ve had sex with all these different women. From a biological perspective, you’d be doing a good job. Your brain will crave more of that.
So take that energy and put it into healthy habits: go out with people, play music, workout and meditate. Master yourself and use that energy for something useful!
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Day 64
In this very moment, I’m thinking of how great I’m feeling at only 64 days and also how much better I could be feeling if porn wasn’t a part of my life to begin with. In my journey, I’ve experienced times where I missed or craved porn really badly… what a joke, really.
It’s a joke because porn is a product made out of perversity in an industry run by perverts like Hugh Hefner. For whatever reason, people like him are called “stars” and grieved upon their deaths when in reality they are victims of their own uncontrollable perversity. Instead of looking for a healthy way to fix their broken lives, they use their power and position to push men and women so those people give up their dignity, risk their health and ruin their own mental state just to have a bunch of consumers watch porn, jerk off and ruin their lives also. It’s obvious why many “porn stars” commit suicide once the drugs can’t numb the emptiness anymore.
Those people aren’t “stars” either, it’s all fucking abuse. Don’t ever think that anyone could possibly do that kind of stuff willingly. Yes, maybe they have given their “consent”, signed contracts and stuff but look at their environment. Maybe they needed the money badly, maybe they want to find affirmation from other people, because deep inside, they feel the emptiness and brokenness of shitty relationships with others - and those fuckers running the industry make use of that. They abuse them, just to make money by putting those videos out there. Fuck the porn industry, really.
All of us here are breaking that cycle, one day at a time. Your actions count. Every minute you don’t spend watching that trash, is a minute better spent for yourself, towards more compassion and emotional freedom.
Take care.
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Day 67
Even if you do struggle today, tomorrow you’ll look back and be happy you kept your sobriety.
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Day 69
If we were to write three words that we identify ourselves by, most likely those words are somewhat negative. We tend to identify ourselves by a behavior, by an insecurity, or by something that has been done to us.
That perspective of ourselves combined with the lack of self care, little connections and no healthy habits leads to compulsive use of porn in order to “fix” that. Porn in our scenario is a “medication”, it’s that comfort we seek in order to feel good again. In reality, porn or any other sexual experience will never be able to “fix” you.
Forgive yourself for your bad habits. Accept your flaws, because everyone has those, and see your strengths too. Don’t hold on to grudges, because the past can’t be changed, live in the moment. Identify yourself by your character, because that’s you and that’s the part of you that you can improve.
Take care.
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Day 71
Each weak I look at my current progress in recovery and reflect on a couple of questions. I find reviewing my plan and progress to be extremely helpful. Doing so, I notice what can be improved.
Maybe I’m not accountable enough and some things I do remain in secrecy and that can become a problem in the future. Maybe I haven’t been building my healthy habits enough, there’s more I can do. Maybe my supporting circle is lacking someone who really understands.
This is really about raising awareness, connecting with others, having the proper tools in place, making commitments and sharing those with others and last but not least reviewing this regularly.
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You are doing great man, very reflective and contemplative. It’s kind of a synchronicity when you find a thread in this little forum in that little great community and identify or agree with so many points.
I wish you the greatest success, this is a built-up for when the universe around you provides you with subtle invitations into higher realities.
Peace and stength
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Thank you for your words man.
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Day 73
Started my next 30 days sprint today. Increased my commitment. I’m motivated to fully improve. This time, I want to pass 90 days and feel a stronger reboot than back at day 150.
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Day 76
Started this journal on day 26. 50 days later I’m still posting. 50 times 1 day of commitment, going for the right habits, staying accountable and connecting with others.
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Day 0
This post is for clarification.
I really want to gain more control over my mind and actions. I haven’t looked at porn, nor masturbated so it’s still almost 80 days no PM. On the 27th August though, I started a hardmode sprint and in the evening of the 31st August I didn’t resist and had s*x with my girlfriend. Anyway, I know that by reading this it sounds pretty dumb and harsh to reset the counter, if you knew more about the details (maybe) it would make more sense.
Starting today, 1st September, I’m increasing my commitment and going for a clean 30 days hardmode sprint.
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Day 1
Take your own words seriously, it’s crucial. If you say you want to go porn free but have doubts, then perhaps it’s a sign you should increase your commitment and your accountability. If you say you are doing no PM but masturbate to instagram models, then you are cheating yourself. If you set boundaries and define something as a relapse, just to cross that boundary and keep on going without going through the consequences, then you are cheating yourself. Cheating won’t get you anywhere. Feeding your ego won’t help you in recovery but honesty and connections will.
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Day 6
It’s been over 83 days no PM and now 6 days hardmode. This journey is worth every struggle. I connect with others better, I’m more aware of what’s going on inside me and with a stronger commitment, this is also getting easier, even hardmode actually. So take out the risk factor as much as possible and commit to this recovery and you’ll succeed.
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Day 12
There’s something about keeping my word and having integrity that allows me to unlock my nofap benefits. I don’t know why that is but I know it’s my main reason to quit. It’s not the abstinence that gives you the benefits, that’s just how you get there. It’s your own personal reason to quit, that once fulfilled, will allow you to grow as a person and experience confidence, connection and just being present.
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Day 14
You are exactly where you really want to be. This quote reminds me of being intentional and having a commitment to being porn free.
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Day 18
Take it day by day, specially when times are difficult, and you’ll build your future self.
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“Day 29
The more I abstain, the better my relationships get. It’s about being honest with others, being in the moment and being genuine. It’s that confidence that isn’t arrogant but honest and open.”
What a great statement! I have also realized this as I have been on this journey. I used to think building the best relationships and being confident was to be all knowledgeable and more competent at everything. To be competitive.
But I’ve realized that true confidence and the true builder of good relationships is to be honest with yourself and others about where you are in life, who you are, and what your present abilities are.
I think when we respect ourselves for where we are, people in turn respect that honesty.
Good stuff man. Just started reading your journals, but I am finding them super motivating!
Keep up the honest work!
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Thank you for your kind words man!
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Day 21
In two days, it’s 100 days of being free of porn for me. I broke commitments on the way, which is why I reset, but I did not go back to porn or anything artificially sexually stimulating on the way. So 21 days of doing extra well, I guess.
This has been possible due to sprint planning, tools and good habits, accountability and connection. This addiction feeds on all the opposites: bad reactions in the moment, unfiltered devices and idle mode in front of the computer, secrecy and isolation. I’m continuing to reduce those factors with each sprint, must look ahead.
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Day 22
This addiction might feel like a huge burden sometimes and we might get tired of trying too. In reality though, life is happening now. Time won’t stop to let you figure shit out. We share this planet with a bunch of other earthlings. Imagine what other people are doing in this very moment. So much is going on and yet our planet is moving in a perfectly quiet universe. Our problems are small in those scales. So don’t hold grudges and move on. Make the right decisions today, the time to enjoy life is now.
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