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I always thought that the quality of my life is this bad because of pmo.
So my life was good, then pmo came and destroyed it. But is it this simple?
Well, for me it’s not.
I became an addict at the age of 13. It was 9th grade of my school. Was everything good before?
No. I was doing sports regularly, but I was the shortest among boys all 8 years of elementary and middle school. And I was way weaker physically than the girls. I was bullied a lot for being that week. Remember being hit because I couldn’t simply give a back answer.
Then, was I attractive to girls? Oh no, I was never :joy::joy::joy:. Not in a single age. I was totally ignored by them. See, this is not only pmo.
I remember a day, when a group of students from other school came to our school to watch a presentation on a stage. And I was the one in our school who was responsible for the technical part of all shows. Some boys were showing their talents, and were surrounded by girls all the time. That day I was watching a boy from lower classes, who was approaching a girl from that school. It ended up kissing before they leave. But nobody even gave me handshakes, even when I tried to get it.
Well I went home wondering if the life is fair or not. I was helping school a lot, I was doing sports, I had very high grades, but I was weakest, shortest, loneliest guy in the whole class.
No really, I was weird for many people. Can you imagine a boy who is not eating tasty chips, because mom told him that it’s not healthy? I love my mom and I trust her :joy:.
So what’s the point? I’m sure the the guys like the one who was surrounded by girls, never got into pmo. I don’t know what’s the difference between me and him. It was always a question for me. Am I lazy or what? Is laziness even a trait?
In the 9th grade me and that guy both became the students of the year and got diplomas and 20$.
I decided to spent those money on treating my mates with pizza. I regret my choice, they didn’t deserve that. Even deep inside they didn’t appreciate it.
So. All this story, that I can write many chapters on, happened before I knew how babies are born and how does sex work.
I saw that life is not something that always reward me for hard work and I gave up on doing hard work. Please don’t think I’m stupid, at least I wasn’t. So I was thinking that happiness is not about working hard and being healthy, and started to look for happiness outside. Then I felt into Europe-USA made trap which we call pmo.
Is it a bad thing? Yes, it’s a vary bad thing.
But it’s not simply a trap, I was actually looking for that trap before.
The reason I write this is 8th relapse today. Sorry for telling this.

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I was not at all good with women once, I was very good later… I had good friends once, not many later. Now, those good friends are not the ones I want to spend time with. Its used to be all about chasing women before, now its not… Now its about career and my future… I was very talkative, with plenty of people around me once, I was alone later. I was happy, I was not, now I am happy… I wasn’t religious before, now I am…

I guess what I mean to say is, things change pretty quick… Each year makes a difference… I guess, all we could do is work on our stuff, learn each day and keep going… Life is like a thriller movie with many twists and turns… At each turn, there is a chance that our life changes completely… Its okay with less friends or being bad with girls… Take them lightly and keep dreaming big… :wink:

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Damn how these people had so much courage. I know attraction is normal during the school age , but this went too far .:joy:

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