Ash_Matt's journal [The rising flame]

Hello there and thank you for joining my journey to rewire.

I have decided to keep a dairy, where I can reflect daily.
Please feel free to interact with me on my journey.
I hope this diary disciplines me and inspires you.

17 Likes

10/2/2020

I relapsed.
I am deplorable right now.
After a 75 day streak, I have touched the bottom. I am disgraced and disgusted by myself.
My parents would be ashamed of me.
But now I have the choice to change this.

I am not expecting to reach all my goals immediately.
But one thing I do- ‘forgetting what lies behind, I strive forward that I may attain the prize’.

My first challenge

Reach 1 week of NoFap.
It feels so sad for me to start all over again. I hope I remember this pain and stay strong.

Confession

Due to peeking I relpased, becuase my brain could not rewire.

I am the phoenix. From my ashes I burn brighter. Rebirth is a must.

Soli Deo Gloria

13 Likes

You relapsed after 75 days. :astonished: It must be very painful… Don’t guilt… Just inspire from last 75 days… And move on…

4 Likes

Thank you bro @SincereDev
Yes it’s very painful…
But I embrace this pain. I wanted to make a new beginning to rewire my brain.
My life, my blood, my drive, they come from PAIN

Soli Deo Gloria

6 Likes

Day 1

Resistance

Day 1 is the day of new beginnings. It is also the day with most resistance.

Many times I had urges to peek because I have such a short streak now. But I have to fight it.

If I don’t win now, then when? If I don’t fight now, then when?

I have to burst to flames again. Chaser effect is present, but I am fully warned about it.

A huge thank you to everyone who liked my posts on the diary and/or commented. Even though it’s a simple gesture, it means a lot to me. Thank you for taking the time to read my diary.

Heading towards day 2 with more sense of purpose.

8 Likes

Yeah bro you are absolutely right. We think seeing or doing on the day of relapse makes no difference anyway after a huge streak. It’s just a few hours reduced from our streak, how does it make any difference? We might as well enjoy ourselves now we’re back to ground zero…

FUCK NO! THAT makes all the difference! THAT decides whether you made progress on your journey or not! Those few hours is what determines who we are as a person, whether we really have changed or whether we are still shackled to the chains. NoFap is part of our identity now bro, never forget that. We are guys who just don’t watch or do, not because of the benefits or the drawbacks, because that is who we are! Chaser effect is NOTHING compared to the strength and discipline you acquired during your amazing streak : never forget that!

5 Likes

Thank you brother :pray:
You are 100 % right
If I give in on Day 1, there is no reason for me to think I will abstain on Day 100.
Go all in or get out is the policy.
A true warriors mindset @neetwarrior

5 Likes

Great brother. Go so far that you cant even look back

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Thank you brother :blue_heart: @nofapstar123
You too brother. You can do 30 days. I know it. It will be a stepping stone to further success.
Let’s beat this beast!

4 Likes

Day 2
I have not had many urges. I was busy.

PMO is the result of an unhealthy amount of free time and free thinking space.

Stop 1 by being busy and productive. It is an external factor that depends on discipline, work and studies, etc.

The second is an internal factor. No matter how busy we are, if we still find time to waste by fantasizing etc., we will fall.

Systems produce results, not motivation. Must stay productive, else the inertia becomes greater.

Learnt today- when you feel resistance, push through it. When you feel pain, embrace it.

SDG

2 Likes

Ideas are as common as table salt. What separates an idea from reality is hard work.

Stop dreaming and start living.

5 Likes

Day 3

I am going to beat this devil. I have to.

The future self paradox is something almost everyone struggles with. We set great and amazing goals for our future self, but we as our present self just want to enjoy.

We forget that the success of our future self comes from the work of our present self.

I am not working nearly as hard as I should be.
@_TIGER @Tagore Do you listen to music/meditate or do something to get into the mood for work?

SDG

2 Likes

Sorry brothers

I peeked today.
I have a confession- on my last streak, I peeked sometime, but because other brothers (whom I shall not name) did not count it as relapse and said to do meditation etc. to recover only and not break streak, I did not count it as relapse.

Now I realised that even peeking damages the brain. So yes, I peeked today. No P or M or O. But I peeked so I am now onwards counting even that as relapse.

God bless you my brothers. I want to have a 100% pure streak. And it starts with this point.

Soli Deo Gloria

1 Like

Day 1

No peeking brothers. That’s my goal.
I’m here to 100% rewire.

My good friend @udaCisie and I have pledged to noFap for 21 days.

Today was better than yesterday. I am moving towards my gaol. Slowly, but progress is progress.
noFap for life.

Sincerely thank God for whoever discovered noFap.

Soli Deo Gloria

4 Likes

Yes its True bro. 21 days. First goal. No watching any kind of porn. No edging. No.

1 Like

Day 2

Today is dopamine detox for me, so no entertainemnet whatsoever from electronic devices.
Will update about today later.

Soli Deo Gloria

5 Likes

Bro u were on a 75 days streak , can u tell where u went wrong and relapsed

1 Like

It’s a mind thing,his mind says to him let’s watch some hot videos than porn then masturbation.

1 Like

Sure @Dean_Ambrose No problem :+1:
Thanks for your question :grinning:

Basically in my streak I used to peek- meaning I watched one or two racy videos on YouTube (racy means almost edging, not nudity I have never watched nudity in my life). Racy movie scenes etc.

But see the aim of NoFap is you actually rewire the brain so that it no longer associates p* with dopamine. No longer you get pleasure from watching p*. Eg. The first time you watched p* I think you felt it ugly, not pleasurable. Like that.

In my streak the first time I peeked I got no pleasure but then later again I got pleasure which means my rewiring had failed.

I felt like I was cheating myself and the community so decided to reset. Now onwards if you see any streak of mine it will be without peeking.

4 Likes

Yeah , I watched porn first time and found it to be disgusting, so I never watched it again , but I got addicted to bad videos on YouTube, somi got masturbation addiction , I have basically blocked YouTube… I’ll try to focus that I dont repeat it mistake … dont worry u will again build the streak

3 Likes