Aoshigreen's - Diary


#41

I agree @anon9232166
And the “Why not? Let them” is a good approach.
The more angry I get the more likely I am to relapse. So thank you for reminding me to be stoic!

I watched a NoFap video with an interview with a woman, her intial thoughts were “it’s a weird cult, guys should just fap, it’s normal and porn isn’t a bad thing”

I need some help, I know my thoughts,
yet struggle to express them,
I’m finding it really difficult to not objectify girls/women, even though I want to detest it.

I want to detest how women/girls feel the need to cater themselves for pornified men.


#42

#43

Brother, we all know the benefits of NoFap so don’t mind what other people might talk about it.
See things for what they are. Did you consider that women/girls don’t cater themselves for pornified man but just for man… normal man. Most of them will not be aware of the struggle we are going trough or they might just don’t care.
Hell, they might be victims too for all we know.
These people are not our enemies.
How do you Christians like to say: Father forgive them for they know not what they do?
Porn and our own addictions are the only enemy here…

Sorry for these blunt words but sugarcoating things will not help us. I have noticed this “blaming of women” in a lot of cases, especially with religious people (doesn’t matter if Christian, Muslim, Hindu or else). First of all blame the women is blamef for being the seducer. If this does not apply its societies fault but it’s never once own inferiority and sinfulness.

I want you to think about the following: What do you try to achieve by abstaining from porn? What does rebooting and rewiring imply? If “becoming normal again” plays a part in your journey then we should try to develope a healthy normal view on things without overemphasizing. NoFap might be a battle for our soul but it’s not a battle against the people around us.

Personally I never watch videos about NoFap. The few I saw felt like a cheap exploitation of the topic to me. Lol I bet 90% of people creating vids wouldn’t be able to achieve knighthood.

much brotherly love :ok_hand:


#44

Thanks for the response @anon9232166
I’ve realised that my thoughts have come off completely wrong.
I’m *Not blaming, or playing a hate game against women at all, but thank you for pointing it out.

This is just me developing some stronger reasons without religion, why porn is initially bad for society at large - maybe I just shouldn’t, and maybe it can’t be done. That’s what annoys me.


#45

I honestly don’t know if you’re even capable of quitting or even if you want to. You really gotta get your priorities in check. You been at this awhile man. Seriously. Dang. I just don’t understand why you find this so hard. It’s really not…There’s only so many motivational quotes one can dish out before as a companion, I’m like yeah this dudes on his own. Ain’t no use anymore. It’s really sad tbh. Respectfully, Dontchu think its gettin a little old?


#47

Enough of the straw man attacks.

This is my journal - a place to exercise my thoughts.

If you don’t like it, don’t read it.

Kindly respect that and take your anger elsewhere. Thanks


#48

17th August.

So I got an arse kicking from a companion.
At the time I was back on streak, confident and back to my usual self and felt it was uncalled for, and got really pissed off.

In hindsight, I needed that arse kicking at that particular moment.

We all need an arse kicking, especially when we get confident.

“What irritates us about others, leads us to a better understanding of ourselves”

Thank you, and sorry to myself for overreacting.
Again, how we react to a situation is a choice.
Ciao X


#49

If it wasn’t for this app and you guys, I think I’d still be humbled by pmo, instead of by others.

Humility is the greatest virtue.

It is time you started focusing not on NoFlapping, but on what makes you happy!

Here’s something and someone I truly truly love.
The greatest singer ever!

People even used to riot in the 50’s to get tickets to see this amazing, wonderful woman, who changed the world of Opera, forever and always.

I love her! What an absolute gorgeous babe!

I wish I was the man, that a truly beautiful woman would be glad to call her husband and father of her child.

Love with all your heart and all your might!
And Peace be with you and those you Love, always.


#50

Last night,
I struggled to sleep, waking around 1:30 & 3:30.
Having an erection I tugged both times for comfort, and stopped hoping to not have a wet dream which did happen.

It was pornographic.
I tried to retain during the dream but gave in.

Succubus!

So, I’m resetting my counter.
Sorry guys and sorry to myself most of all

Please feel free to comment, give me an arse kicking, support or whatever you feel necessary

_____________________________________________

I am glad I’ve quit porn and the aim to orgasm,
but I haven’t quit stimulation, and will go to confession.

I’m here because I want to be honest.
I know to stop something is simply a choice.

So, why do I want to quit a bit of tugging?
Well, for starters, I’m Christian, therefore I want to follow Christ. Did he say “Thou shall not Fap?”
I don’t think so, but he did say “I’m not here to change the law, but complete it”

So I’m going with that, I’m not gonna do anything that might encourage me to spill my seed.

Another reason;
I’m sure pushing myself to 10/20/50% towards orgasm and stopping can’t be good.
Abstaining and semen retention seem like a good thing, and I’m now trusting that it is, and that it’ll do what it needs to - I should probably do some impartial reading into it.

If my body naturally has a nocturnal emission of it’s own accord, then that’s fine. It’s not something I’m going to worry or beat myself up about.
I’m also not going to worry about my size changing as it has done while abstaining.

Nature will take it’s course.

Here’s a little thought experiment:
try and do nothing, and see what is happening

Your heart is still pumping blood around your body, You can still sense and feel the ground beneath your feet and the clothes against your skin.
You cannot do nothing.

Whether you’re aware of it or not,
you are always doing something.
So let nature do it’s thing and get on with the things that bear good fruit.


#51

People say here “it dont care how many times you fall, only cares how many times you rise again”.
So that isnt completly true. You arent inmortal, one day youll die, and you have to archive your goals before it.
I know nofap is hard, but is harder than you know. Nofap isnt only not to fap and watch porn. You also have to improve your life.
You can rise up the many times you want. Youll die as a nofap hero, but you wont live your dreamed life.
Its your responsability, I only can say you how is the crude reality. So no more motivational quotes, you have to do something now, dont wait so.


#52

I have smartphone,tv,gaming monitor as well. the trueth is its discipline we lack it has nothing to do with our devices most of the time


#53

Completely agree!

we always like to blame others for our problems.
I relapsed because of the girl on the street, because of the one add I saw, it was because I was alone at home. These are all stupid excuses.

We relapse because we decided to. We will stop relapsing when we can say that our life is more important than the instant gratification.


#54

Thank you Bro.
So I’m gonna spend all my time thinking about
Just Joking! :joy:

I’m not going to read into semen retention.

I like s8k8’s new counter.
A relapse for not implementing positive actions

Well for me, I’m going to use my counter to stop smoking for now on.

As for positive things, I’ll just have to start doing them.


#55

Sunday 19th August

I was out most of the day and had a great few hours just chatting away, walking through the park with my best mate, unravelling things about life.
I absolutely Love the guy. I’m still moved that he came to Mass with me this morning, he told me, when he could let go of his ideas, the waterworks just started working :sob::sweat_smile:

I was really moved too The Psalms always get me when they are sung with a Psalm tone :+1:

Walking home very slowly towards the end of the day, I didn’t really know how I’d spend the evening. I just want to relax, it’s Sunday, after all.

I’d already started to decided I was going to smoke some weed as I knew there was some I usually communally smoked with a close friend at home. I smoked about 3 or 4 little spliffs and watched some TV drama.

I chose to smoke and wanted to go back on my word about setting my counter to no-smoking, and started creating all sorts rationalisations…
Blah blah blah…
So I’m setting it back again and keeping my word. Ja ja ja! Genau!

Smoking makes me damn ugly and I wouldn’t want someone I love feeling damn ugly.


#56

Couldn’t agree more.


#57

I’ve had a cigarette today, so it’s yet another relapse/reset.

I’m just not taking it seriously enough yet, probably because I’m not in a community with the same goal, and because,… Well,… I’m just not being serious about it. It feels more of a joke.
When really the joke is on me.

I could’ve done other things, instead of waiting for others to get motivated to start working.

On a positive note, because I made the point to my friend of not smoking, he’s decided to stop too, saying “I’m tired of smoking anyway and it’s not good for my chest”
So I’m glad about that.

BTW,
of course I’m not looking at P or having a tug.
I’m just not giving any thought to it


#58

Just to be completely clear about my journey

I also use the Christian/Catholic Victory app
My priest is my accountability partner.
pmo is always logged and confessed in person.

____________________________________________

9 days since pmo

1 day since provoked wet dream by CT
Comfort Tug
ie; Fap without Lust or aim to Orgasm.

I’ll confess this too though I didn’t feel it necessary to log it in V/app as it might confuse my acc/partner

7 hours since smoking

I have a vape so I’m on easy mode for the moment

I’m not going to be listing my streaks,
only resetting if I smoke, CT or pmo.


#59

Keep fighting, @Aoshigreen!


#60

Thank You Serene :smile::pray:
Peace be with you!


#61

I may have compassion, but I lack empathy.
I’m too quick to focus on myself in a situation and not hear the other person