I walk up at 6am today.
The rain woke me up - what a beautiful sound it was.
It kept increasing,
more, more! More!! and M O R E !!!
I thought “is my roof going to come down?”
I feel back asleep and woke up to my alarm at 7:30.
Sun shining and feeling, well, not tired or struggling to get up for a change.
I got up, drank water, showered and went on the long walk to a different church (as my usual covers for two parishes)
On the walk I thought about some of my companions, how we influence each other and the struggles we have.
I want my friends to be well, strong, and happy.
Their happiness is extremely important to me because I know what it feels to be in that other place.
Yesterday, and over the weekend, I hadn’t felt great. I had some social awkwardness, I couldn’t relate to people, and just be fun, easy going and good company - I dwelled on it too much and feel, “the more we spend thinking about the negative and imperfections, Our moods, thoughts and feelings harbour that”
So, I feel like, yesterday, the seeds I’d been sowing came out to say “hi”…
It wasn’t a terrible day, but I didn’t feel 100%, just fluctuating between 10% - 60%
(yes it’d be great to have that bright feeling like we do from consciously no pmo,…
And Yeah, it is totally real, I’ve felt it many times, clear eyes, clear thinking, good things always happening, girls making deep eye contact.
Yep, it is amazing!
It does happen,
and Yes, God really does provide!
Sometimes we don’t always feel perfect,
Those feelings shouldn’t allow ourselves to give up,
just know, we have to let the storm pass,
And the sun will come out, your eyes and the eyes of another will open again.
It’s another day now,…
I’m turning back my mind to the past week and the positive things that helped me get through it,
ie; keeping calm, breathing, observing my thoughts like a samurai ready to slice through any BS!
I came here to rewire! (there’s tones of things, thoughts floating around etc… I don’t need them right now! They can wait! I trust, have faith, they will be sorted when it is needed.
What! WHAT the important thing RIGHT NOW is, is what I am here to do,
Stick to that ONE principle.
And, as another reminding (something I did)
keep adding more positive routines into our life.
The small things count.
Cleaning the kitchen with a smile,
taking the dogs for a walk with eagerness,
go to Tai Chi classes.
Delight in everything you do, and especially in others!
As for “it” -
Ignore “it” completely as “it” has ignored my soul, and forcably pushed my soul aside like something worthless.
“It” slams the door in the face of all that is Holy and Sacred.
“It” doesn’t care about anything at all, only “it’s” own survival!
So, I’m not even going to put any energy into forcing “it” away,
“it” doesn’t deserve my attention for how my dear sweet soul has been treated.
The damaged, poor thing - broken, bruised and in need of care!
Your well being is what matters, and I’m going to do my best to be there for you from now on.
I wanted that dopamine,
I looked at a few girls in the street -
I’d say 25% Lust rate.
I didn’t slice down any thinking -
though if I did, it was with a plastic sword.
I didn’t set any goals for the day,
I moaned to myself about being socially awkward.
Moaned & agreed with my friend about how some people are products of the media they watch.
What do I actually know, except MY thoughts?
What am I doing that actually has a positive affect in the world?
What am I doing that is positive and NOT about me?
I’d be embarrassed in front of Saint.
Allow people to be themselves,
Allow them to change,
And keep an open mind for them.
Allow ourselves to change,
And allow others to be skeptical,
Your change - it is about YOU.