Anthe's Diary [M 33]

You’re probably right
I’ll think about how to do it best

Although not being online most of the day is already a huge change. And to be honest i feel sometimes like being on withdrawel from a drug

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Hey everyone,
I haven’t really been active these last days due to a cold I cought. I don’t feel very well.
The upside is, it’s been pretty easy to not masturbate. But still I’d rather be well again.

Hope you all stay strong

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Good recovery! :pray: :pray: :pray:

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Congratulations, my dear. I’m happy for your achievement

Thank you my friends. This really means a lot

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I’m a bit better today. My mind used that instantly to overwhelm me with really strong urges and i wasn’t prepared for that. So ist relapsed -_-

At least the urges are gone for now.
It’s hard to stay strong, when the daily life has been turned upside down by something, in my case the cold. I couldn’t really do sports or anything

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Let’s go for a new beginning!

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Time is passing, you are maturing, your tree is no longer a bud, your roots are getting deep. Soon everything that you are going through will be a testimony of overcoming so that others can win. Friend, we really want you to win. Your life is very special, you as a person, your qualities, your perfume, your way of speaking, your courage, your concern for others. All of this makes you unique in life. I love you and I believe in you.:dart::up::blue_heart:

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I relapsed again after only 2 days… and I’m nearly too embarressed to even write about it :expressionless:

I don’t know whats wrong with me. I had such a good start when i started nofap with a week and two weeks after that… but now i can’t even complete a streak of a couple days

Getting away from pmo seems somehow harder than before. When my mind was full with it it was somehow dulled. Now when i have a day or two without porn and stuff, imy mind gets more sensitive to it as soon as i get into contact (even accidentally). I can’t even hold my ejaculation anymore which i could do just easily before

Im really frustrated at the moment… i would be so easy to just quit this and go on as before
I know thats not the right way. But I could just despair right now😔

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I know! It’s the same for me. Be strong and really focus on your purpose!
We’re together :fist_right: :fist_left:

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It happened again
I think by starting pmo i began a battle in had not anticipated. The more ist try the harder my mind pushes back.

But i can’t go back to before. I don’t want to.
That means i go all in. I deleted all apps that could trigger me and disabled all accounts on such websites. It’s all or nothing.
But the first days are gonna be espescially tough since i’m really drained of mental and physical energy right now. But i promise I’m going to make it- i promise you, i promise the buddha and i promise myself

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I still feel bad today. But my will to end pmo grows.
I took some time to delete every profile on social media, porn sites and other pages that could trigger me. I won’t quit youtube since I watch also motivating and educational stuff there but i unfollowed everything else. I even got rid of unhealthy Browser bookmarks

I feel the withdrawel. I got tons of dopamine from porn and social media and my brain doesn’t like not getting that. It feels weird and this morning my guts felt like they cramped when i fought the urges. And all the time there is like a voice in my head that tries to tell me, it wouldn’t be so bad to still use social media and stuff, that it’s nothing bad.
This opened my eyes. It’s an actual addiction that i suffer from.I called it that before but i didn’t really realize it. And to go on trying halfheartedly won’t work.

Therefore I have to endure the withdrawel now and stay strong, avoid any triggers and change a lot of my unhealthy habits to healthy ones. That’s really hard.

Thanks to everyone who messages me, comments or likes. It really gives me energy to know I am not alone in this!

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You’re on the right track! I believe in You!
You just took very good decisions. Keep doing!

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2nd day now (again)
I feel really strong urges, both for masturbating as well as for porn and social media (to be honest i had nearly only erotic content there…).
I feel like some part of me is missing or like there is an unfilled hole and that is what is drawing me to pmo.
I have never succsessfully stood against such strong urges yet. But i realize that my mindset has changed and now i can do it. Possibly the many relapses and how bad i felt in the last weeks because of pmo did have an upside after all.

Still i feel pretty shitty. What keeps me up is the believe that it will get better in some days and that i will have all that energy again- right now i feel very drained and broken; but somehow also optimistic.