Hello everyone who is interested in reading.
I made my goal of 14 days without ejaculating and I am somehow proud of that.
Although I’m nor really satisfied, since for the last view days I was using porn and instagram and edged a lot… and I want to change that.
I had the benefit of more energy, but I used it to pollute my mind with erotic pictures and videos for days. In the end i felt/ feel more terrible than before, since ejaculating always made me stop watching, which wasnt the case this time.
My next goal is therefore another 14 days but with new rules:
no ejaculation (of course)
no porn
social media max twice per day and no stimulating content
no sexting or stuff like that
no manual self arousing or edging
If I break any of these rules, i will reset my timer until I made 14 days
It’s going to be tough- very though and I will need support… Therefore I will be very greatful for any advice or kind words you guys can give me. Help me do this and become the best man i can be
I will report back daily, possibly this helps me staying clean
I feel really without energy today. And I have strong urges. That led me to watch something on youtube and edging. I did not finish but still i reset my timer. Thats my new rules -.-
Hope it gets better the next days
Hey everyone. Thank you for your Feedback, that really means a lot to me!
I might try yoga but i never really done it before except for very few simple excercises. Do you think yoga is better than a regular workout?
Also 90 minutes seems a lot. I don’t know if i can do that. I normally workout 20-30 minutes. When i go jogging it’s up to an hour.
Yesterday i was at my fathers birthday and was busy all day, which was quite good.
Today I’m driving back home and won’t do anything much. Haven’t really slept a lot.
The bad thing is that my urges always skyrocket when I’ve been drinking the day before… I hope it won’t effect me too much…
Today was really not a good day. I could do nothing against that urges… ich felt like being remote controlled and relapsed.
I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to be controlled by an animalistic instinct. Tomorrow i will start again with strong determination and awareness. I can do this and i will do this
Day 1
I’m again on day 1 of my own extended rules of nofap. My first try failed spectacularly… I might have been too confident after my 14 day streak. But I begin to realize, that controlling the urges is only one part of my journey. The other part is that my mind is wired around looking at social media, porn etc because I have done it for years and years. My brain is filled with all the dopamine that comes with this and does not want me to give that up.
The longer I try nopfap and the more I read in this forum (which is a great ispiration btw), the more similarities I find to the buddhist way.
Although buddhism isn’t very common in europe, I am a buddhist for about three years. I have studied a lot and have regular courses. But bringing those principles practically into my life has always been a bit of an issue for me.
I do know and understand what I should do to feel better, grow and move towards enlightenment. But actually doing it is uncomfortable.
It may sound like I haven’t changed at all these last years. That’s totally not true. But a change of myself on a fundamental level is required to move further. And I think to conquer one of the most fundamental and energetic needs of any living being- the sexual need- and redirecting it in a useful way will help me accomplish that.
That’s essentially why I am here.
I restarted yesterday by visualizing my goal and my rules and I was able to grow my determination to do this. It was in a way like talking to myself- to all the different parts and needs and urges within my mind and debating a common ground.
I will use the rules as stated in my first post. The most difficult one will be social media since I used that all the time. The most addictive part about it is, that some content is only available for a short time, espacially the stories on instagram. They use that to force us to visit it every day, or better multiple times a day. My mind is not ready yet to let that go… Therefore I’ll allow myself to use it up to twice a day but only briefly. It’s not ideal but it might help me to not trying to find ways around my own rules
Allright, that was quite a long text. But writing out my thoughts is what a diary is about…
My companioncode btw is vx09ne
Feel free to add me and to write me if you like or need a friendly word. If someone is interested in further talking about buddhism that would be great. I’m espacially really interested if there are differences in our european understanding of the dharma and those of other regions.
