Hello,
I like to be called as Angel, Guardian angel because it gives me a feeling of becoming responsible…
I am so happy I found this app and even more surprised and also feeling “I’m not alone”; since so many people are in this fight against PMO…
I started on 25th and after a couple of stumbles/relapses the same day and resetting timer carried on for 4 days straight with happy feeling until I had relapses on 5th day i.e today…
Although feeling so sick and so down…
after a cold shower each time and quiet decisions on what triggered… I am feeling a bit better…
I didn’t know whether I should share when I am feeling low but as I observed being alone is one of triggers to provoke relapse, so I decided to share my diary while I’m feeling down… to boost myself up- to not quit but keep on the fight… even if it means to start over again… but not for the next time… gotta promise myself a ‘no relapse’
Angels can be both males and females
Edit& correction: Angels need not be male or female sorry for edit
I browsed through internet so something could help us know more
Same here. Loneliness is extremely powerful. (Maybe because we have no way to hide from our feelings?). For me, writing to my diary was always extremely useful. If you’re bored you have something to do, you can think about how you feel and you are never alone.
PS: in my opinion (I’m not religious, or at least I can’t identify with a certain religion but have high faith in what i believe) angels are above the mortal differentiation between male or female. Or at least it doesn’t matter for them but that could be a depate for itself
Thank you very much @neveragaintw Yes, after the relapse been thinking of ways to fight the quietness and loneliness during the peak trigger hours (which is late afternoon 3pm to 4pm) for me…
thinking of various activities I could do
A warm welcome from me as well, Angel!
Glad you decided to join
Never, and I repeat, NEVER think you have to deal with a low on your own. Sure, in the end you have and always will in some way, but know that the people on this forum are here for you, no matter if you feel low or high. We are not here to only read stories of people who made it through, we are here to help each other actually write that stories later!
With inspiration from amazing people on here… my journey has once again begun
By reading inspirational stories, I found out how to deal when the trigger starts and how to manage the day doing productive activities and meditation which make this journey more astounding!
I won’t ever feel alone ever… as you said
sigh man!
relapsed because I thought back about the wet dream that I went through today early mornjng at 5
Wish I hadn’t
Wish I hadn’t
so sweet of 6 days
Hello
I’m sorry for the long disappearance
I’ve been silently battling though~ I ve watched quite a lot of motivational videos and well, I don’t know if the changes I’m writing down are rrally change but yeah, I’m myself feeling a bit happy about them
Before NoFap since last 2 years (although I’ve been an addict for 12 years) Waking up late as I used to sleep late at almost 10am due to addiction to gaming and late night P- watching. being lazy, skipping my classes, skipping lunch, lazy afternoons being wasted again on ■■■■ and lazy late evening. I was a fraeaking consumer lazy ■■■.
Then NoFap to my rescue…
Nowadays almost everyday, waking up at the time period of 4:30am to 6am, exercises and home workouts, jogging and morning walks with my dad (I even didn’t listen to my father before NoFap being an ignorant and mischievious son to be ashamed of), helping him in kitchen with all the meals, regularly going to my classes, clearing my doubts and being attentive, Having not only the 3 meals, but 3 meals with proper nutrition- i.e not much carbohydrates
And some best parts: I have also started again to sketch, make my digital arts projects & homeworks.
BEST OF ALL: I have a special someone. She listened when I told her whatI aas and what I am going through and promised to be by my side. The Best of Best part is- She decided to be a supportive NoFapper also i.e No discussion of topics that will arouse me. I owe her my happiness
Just yesterday I had this kinda wet dream though at 3am night bevause I wa watching a song and this had those bad stuffs (edited to keep out triggering words) in nasty clothing. I thought I would never get aroused but well, seems the inevitable happened in my sleep.
So back to battle
Also, my new code: 90cd9d
Too long time never entered any experience on this splendid journey in between eh
Well, I am happy about this behaviour of mine:
There is a messenger app I keep for having normal chats with friends from my past games. As usual, once in a while a black sheep pops out and posts disgusting nsfl stuffs in groups and open posts.
Unlike earlier, “yesterday” I saw one post and promptly blocked the person without even having a 0.001% interest at looking what was the post that person posted since it looked so nasty remembering my addicted past.
I’m thankful to all those who knowingly and unknowingly supported and motivated me to keep going and staying strong on this journey
Last post was April '18
More than a year has passed…
What am I doing right now?
My last streak was of 110 days… started on Nov 18 and resolved in new year 2019 till almost evrn more than that,… till April 2019… and then?
Then, it happened- a visit to my aunt’s place where, cause I had fallen ill from TB, as I was healing… I get to be blamed for being so low in life- no degrees, no jobs, no nothing at this age by other relatives… In short, in my own words no love from anyone, no assurance. the result? far more worse, it turned out morr than I could have imagined…
Decided to go on sex chat games and chat rooms to drown and escape that feeling of negativity… so much so… my orientation changed! yeah… now when I look back after 4 months of heavy binges… it all is soo sooo disgusting… I feel so ashamed and guilty…
But, why did I fall? Answer is to rise up again… more vigilant, yet more conscious of what i have to do… No triggers, always vigilant, more focus towards building life than recovery alone.
As I start the day 28th Aug 2019, I read some articles online about what sex addiction (online, physical, those that had emerged from pmo addiction) had done to people, their takes, recovery, their lives- reading gave me experience which will be helpful in reminding me not to give in to urges… this ones are not at all focused on P, not even going back to the chats too… these are just… M and O, while I fall back to those memories of the chats- in short now it’s all on me. So, me has to take responsibility.
As I sit down to get ready for doctor’s appointment, These thoughts keep crossing my mind (even while I was having breakfast)-
'How bad i must have been? … online, during those games and chats- to those other guys out there, guys like me, my brethren,… who just like me have wandered off and entered the hell hole… instead of helping them to get out, I on other hand enjoyed seeing them in misery wallowing in their lust puddle… when I should have been talking as a man to a man,… to help out those trodden down the wrong path, with very little fault of theirs… all I did was to become selfish… in making sure how I enjoy on their behalf, on behalf of their mere struggle to achieve that pleasure, while I would laugh inside me like a monster consumed in self-hatred, anger… more than that- who decided to even degrade the woman-kind by becoming one in the anonymity of online internet… exploiting the poor souls, in their state of misery…
How bad must I have been, man?
Always to remember- Keep vigilant, focus on building life and be aware of yourself and others…
As day 1 completes on the counter here, I keep pondering as to how my day went by with no physical relapses, but mentally, emotionally and psychologically- those thoughts… of wanting to talk to that girl I met, of sharing jokes with another girl- I think these are some tiny bits of dangerous waters that will eventually make me slip towards and down the slippery slope…
Hard as it is, as usual remaining vigilant as to where my thoughts keep running helped me keep myself in check, although the delay was quite considerable, but better late than never, I guess(?)
Probably, the most ideal start I can say… from waking up to preparing breakfast to meditation, everything in schedule and timed.
Oh God! keep me protected from evil just like this!
Although, I did peek in a little bit into quora for 10 mins, reading through all those questions and answers but then quickly closed once my vigilante consciousness hit me.
Hope, next time my start of day won’t include that. to a positive life
Thankfully, it has been… not great but good. Thankfully, my vigilance always remains- if not high but on guard.
I got to learn how to not think much about the ‘cute girl’ I just saw… More like, why think of her? Do I know her? Does she know me? …and certain other questions that do not answer of certainty or surety but get inclined more towards uncertainty, unsurity, insecurity, that playfulness of heart- all of which can do great harm not only to me but to the other person as well.
On one group, I have learnt a prayer, ‘Sister, may no harm come to you from me’…
so…?
‘Sister may no harm come to you from me’
to a positive life