Almost to 90 days - still a loser, need help

I’m not trying to seek attention here, but I really do need some help. When I first started nofap, it was due to all the anger I channeled into fighting this urge. It was all of a sudden thing. Before that I was barely able to keep up with a week’s streak. After that amazing streak, I failed countless times again. Until I didn’t. Now at day 84 going on maybe I’m still in the same situation I was before nofap. I made a lot of mistakes even if I didn’t fap. I still sought pleasure from different ways. I went on to sites, sometimes I even watched porn. But I deeply regret everything I have done. I can’t even trust myself if I’ll not do it again. In bits and pieces I’ve done it. And I hate myself for that.
I’m still without that willpower I wish to have. I don’t know what to do. I’ve definitely made progress but it’s not enough. None of this shit is enough. All I do is brag about being this “monster”. I’m still not being hard enough.
I have big goals, but with my current state I just don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve to even think of it. :disappointed_relieved:
But what do I do now? How do I fight my next battle? Every time I see my notes it scares me badly. And then I go on seeking pleasures. Even after such a long streak I’m still a pleasure seeking zombie. I still can’t adjust to exercise. I hate to exercise everyday. Although I’m able to do it but I still hate it. I’m still afraid of my studies. I’m not able to fight my fears. I’m a coward who hides behind those pleasures. I’m a loser.
Is there a way to get that dynamic willpower? The willpower that never ends?
I don’t want glory of this world. I don’t want riches. I simply want to push beyond my comfort zone and push and push and push. Until I master it eventually.
But I always end up with choosing immediate gratification
Why does it happen?
Just why? Why? Why am I not able to choose hardships? Why am I not able to fight back?
I need help real bad. I want to be able to fight. To shatter that negative voice which speaks to me. I don’t even want to prove it to anyone - I simply want to prove it to myself.

Can anyone help me with this? Please? I’d be very grateful

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@Nep1234id come and join Brahmacharya challenge. Ask more to @zorim

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@Nep1234id this happens till you want to seek immediate artificial pleasure from visiting [email protected] sites.
This frustration caused because you are watching erotic content and At the same time you are abstaining to masturbate which causes emptiness.

Bro according to me PMO starts with P … So if you watching P due to past habits then you are not doing justice to NF because that was not clean.

So Eliminate P from life… Bhai it takes excessive dopamine from brain and Common activities seems to be boring.

Well you maintained 84 days Without M …so that’s appreciated …but still that doesn’t gave you any sense of achievement…this is the live example.

You already joined no peeking thread… take it seriously

Your Well wisher and Friend :blush:
SincereDev

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Alright
I’m coming up
If this is what it takes me to move towards my goal so be it.
I will practice Brahmacharya.
My destination is the most important thing to me in this world. That is all I want. I will embrace all the pain.

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Alright my friend. I’m taking it seriously now.

This matters a lot to me. Thank you.

You stopped fapping, why should you now love exercising? Or why should you love to work now? That doesn’t make sense at all.

You said that you feel fear, what is this fear? You have to change as a person if you want lasting change. Willpower will help you for a short push but it is not the thing that will cause lasting change.

For my masters i worked 12hrs a day. With willpower i went to the lab everyday. But in the moment i handed in the thesis, i went back to not being able to work long hours.

Now, i learned why i feared my work and what was pressuring me. Now, nothing negativ is holding me back anymore. I can simply work long hours without needing willpower.

You don’t become a better and wiser person just because of nofap. You have to find the reason for your suffering and let them go. You can’t remove 1 reason and believe that you are now free from all reasons for suffering.

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