Soon, the new year will start and with it many people will write down their new year’s resolutions.
Some thoughts about how I would formulate mine for a maximum of motivation:
Write something that can not be destroyed in a single moment. Imagine you say “I won’t watch porn in 2019”. In the very moment you relapsed, you lost all the motivation of the resolution. In the worst case that could be in the first week of january. Also, choose something realistic
my resolutions will be something like
Till sommer (my birthday), I will reach the highest streak I’ve ever had
I won’t relapse twice in the same week.
It is tough but possible. If I relapse once. I can still reach my goals. And even if I relapsed twice in the same week I still have my other resolution
I like your optimism. But maybe that is also a bit a part of the problem.
A good goal should be within reach. If I had to pin down a number, I would like to fail my goals maybe 30% of the time. In maybe 50% I barely reach it and in the other 20% I surpass it. (maybe for my nofap goals it is typically more like 60% fail, 35% reaching and 5% surpass. But I can feel that i get discouraged because I fail so often)
The 30% failing keeps me motivated to push harder. Reaching a goal gives me pleasure in accomplishing something and surpassing is the ultimate joy.
If you fail 99% of the times, you will get more and more depressed. After each fail you are more down.
How high do you judge your chance of not relapsing the whole 2019? I heard people telling “this is the last time! I will relapse never again” over and over again. (I mean look at my name. I was one of them too And a few days later, they relaps. With these goals you can never reward yourself because you will reach them so rarely
But I know your mentality
prove myself wrong and go for it Buddy!
Show me that you can get rid of this stupid addiction!
The way I see it, that new year’s resolution of finally having a clean year is entirely possible, but only if people also decide to make genuine change that they’ve been putting off for years at the same time.
You can’t do the same things you’ve been doing to get your regular streaks and expect them to carry you through all year just because it’s 2019 - new year, new me etc. - you have to actually be a new you to achieve those new results.
A clean 2019 IS 100% within reach, but the person reaching it is a more powerful, improved version of ourselves and not the current version.
perfectly true. the problem ist that you can’t change from one day to another.
i started chaning old bad habits to new ones. it took me more than a month to really make a change and i think it will take another month until i managed to change all major bad habits.
but yea, definitely agree with you. if you manage to change yourself, at this very point, nofap-for-ever will be within your reach
And a few days later, they relaps. With these goals you can never reward yourself because you will reach them so rarely