I feel like I have this secret with myself that is hiding under the sheets and just because I don’t let it out much is taking advantage of the secret and ultimately hurting me only so Yes I accept that I have a problem a bad problem that is Watching porn.
Why do I do it?
I do it out of a compulsive behaviour I have for 7 years now ie when I was 14 I started watching porn and masturbating. I get curious mostly about that scene that feels like love ie the girl is loving it and then I go to watch that particular scene.
What are the harmful effects did it have over me?
- I can complete the challenges I’ve set up for myself but currently I’m just being a man of intention with no action supporting it. And I want to be the guy who has both intention and actions to back it up.
- I have erectile dysfunction. I notice it ( so a backdrop, previously I used to watch porn everynight masturbate to it and then go to sleep I had this belief that porn helps me sleep but now I know that it’s bullshit people use that coz it’s such a heavy unhealthy dose of dopamine that body looses alot of energy and brain is fucked when that does is given, secondly just coz I used to waste 2 hrs of time glues to porn eyes used to get so tired that there was no other option. Since then uptill last month I had reduced the porn quota to 4 times a month but still there was this binge of 2-3 time when I used watch. Now it’s (4 times porn and 5 times masturbation) but I’ve made it that I don’t masturbate again after a relapse.
- It gave me more acne coz I was so much in mental fog that I didn’t take care of myself. My physique tho now better is very lean and my nutrition is fucked up. So in Physical status I’m somewhere in the middle and I don’t accept that I want to improve it to atleast 9 what would that be like? No acne spots atleast on face, better face hygiene that is facial routine. Daily exercise (6 days workout and 1 day 15000 steps and 100 pushup, 100 squats) Nutrition to be improved is to have a written down plan and follow it for 90 days.
- I have a lusty mind ie moral status is down too coz of thoughts of sex and talking to girls polluting it. Tho I don’t consider it bad coz I’m a guy but atleast I’d want to be the master of my sexual appetite and not have a swollen up one that makes me want it everyday.
- I’m in 5/10 in sticking to a plan and that’s got to improve.
What do I want?
I want to not look at porn for 90 days, Not masturbate for 40 days.
How will I do that?
All triggers I will delete now ie I’m already not on insta or Facebook what I’d like to do it reduce time on reddit.and delete all pictures from my phone tho I don’t have any😆
Time frame set is 90 days
What will I do insteay of watching porn or masturbating?
If I feel an urge in the afternoon I will do a 50 pushups,stretch exercise, and take a nap of 20 min.
If I feel an urge in the evening I’ll just go and exercise and then meditate and do wim hof (which is my general routine) tho I want to have a fixed routine of 50 pushups when ever the urge comes up.
If it’s at night same I will do 50 pushups 10*5 coz thatd take more time hah. Then stretch and go to sleep
I have a routine where my phone shuts off at 8:30 so no problem
Every night I will read my why from my copy and in the evening after all done I will post here about how my day went and what did I do when the urge came up.
I have alot of energy and I will cultivate that mindset