@acarnegie743's Diary- Success Story

I will like this post when your counter will cross 35. I am bookmarking this. Do it

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Day 0: Relapsed after 39 Days😢

Why I relapsed?

Because I couldn’t cope with the flatline. Oh man, it was so terrible. I didn’t feel great during this 39 days unlike during my other good streak days.
I would always feel drained and tired and I would sleep a lot. It was just so terrible. Lastly, I just gave up and took to pmo as a coping mechanism, for pleasure, for relieving the accumulated stress, to feel alive again :cry::cry::cry::fearful::fearful: This was the main reason.

But I am glad I made to Day 39 atleast. I will not give up and will overcome this this time.

My vow of celibacy for one year would be accomplished this time.

UPDATE: Tracking my progress

2018 Relapses:-

Jan-7
Feb-7
March-6

April- 4
May- 5
June-2

July- 4
August- 2
September- 3

October- 5
November- 3
December- 1.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 1

Day 3- This morning there were terrible pain all over my body and energy level is as well terribly low. I guess it’s the effect of my last relapse. It always is. For Day 1 or even day 2 I would feel calm and just kind of content and then from Day 3, the relapse starts showing it’s true effects on my body and spirit. Hallelujah, I will always keep this in mind during my urge to relapse during a possible flatline in the days to come.

I will break this cycle with absolute ruthlessness this time. Not looking back.

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January 20, 2019, 2:15 AM
Relapsed after Day 9, again.

UPDATE: Tracking my progress

2018 Relapses:-

Jan-7
Feb-7
March-6

April- 4
May- 5
June-2

July- 4
August- 2
September- 3

October- 5
November- 3
December- 1.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 2

:sweat::sweat::sweat::sweat::sweat:

It was a difficult urge. Couldn’t control myself.
Here we go again.
Lack of DISCIPLINE is my biggest weakness. I should really live a disciplined life.
Indiscipline in one aspect of life has it’s cascading effect on the other aspects… and eventually it leads to pmo and relapse.

If one can’t be disciplined in the small things, one won’t be able in the big things.

DAILY GET UP @ 6 AM IN MORNING
DAILY SLEEP BEFORE 10 PM.
These two simple steps are going to be the cornerstone of my disciplined life.

I really do hope that this was the last pmo of my life. Some other tips I have learned to overcome pmo I am reminding myself:

  1. Don’t count the days. Start living your life and get busy with your life.
  2. Be happy and content. This is the main root of anxiety and stress. One can be as happy as one is determined to make up his mind to be so.
  3. Detach from all the sources which can stimulate your sex energy.
    *Social media discontinued atleast for 90 days. *Stop random browsing in Youtube.
    *Stop music related to romance and sex atleast for 90 days. * Don’t “LOOK” at girls atleast for 90 days.

BUT the most imp one is developing and inculcating the virtue of Discipline within me.
Till today, I have been just like a cloud in the sky, without any stability, any direction in life, any consistency, any groundedness. It’s time to improve myself as a whole. To develop my personality, spirit, and energy. Of course, Nofap will catalyse the process but it will all begin only when I learn to live a DISCIPLINED lifestyle. This is the first step, the foundation on which I will succeed in Nofap.
God bless me!! :pray::pray::pray::pray:

I must really, really force myself to be discipline. No more Namby pambiness in my character. It’s time to get strong within, and without.

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25 January 7:55 pm
Day- 0

UPDATE: Tracking my progress

2018 Relapses:-

Jan-7
Feb-7
March-6

April- 4
May- 5
June-2

July- 4
August- 2
September- 3

October- 5
November- 3
December- 1.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 3

Day 0 again, 31st January, 7:05 am and then 2 pm

UPDATE: Tracking my progress

2018 Relapses:-

Jan-7
Feb-7
March-6

April- 4
May- 5
June-2

July- 4
August- 2
September- 3

October- 5
November- 3
December- 1.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 5
Feb-0

UPDATE: Tracking my progress

March 12, 5:30 am.
Today relapsed after Day 40. But I am proud of myself. It was my last fap in this life. Anyway, I will maintain this journal till 90 Day is completed.

2018 Relapses:-

Jan-7
Feb-7
March-6

April- 4
May- 5
June-2

July- 4
August- 2
September- 3

October- 5
November- 3
December- 1.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 5
Feb-0
March-1

UPDATE: Tracking my progress

March 17, 2:00 am.
Relapsed after 5 days. Too much stress in life. But that’s it. I am completely done with pmo.

2018 Relapses:-

Jan-7
Feb-7
March-6

April- 4
May- 5
June-2

July- 4
August- 2
September- 3

October- 5
November- 3
December- 1.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 5
Feb-0
March- 2

UPDATE: Tracking my progress

March 28, 3:15 am.
Relapsed after 11 days. Feeling shame and depressed for this. I must really donvetter than this.

2018 Relapses:-

Jan-7
Feb-7
March-6

April- 4
May- 5
June-2

July- 4
August- 2
September- 3

October- 5
November- 3
December- 1.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 5
Feb-0
March- 3

No social media,
Sleep early and get up early
No unnecessary and aimless Youtube surfing
Think positively
Be DISCIPLINED.

UPDATE: Tracking my progress

April 1, 1:30 am. Relapsed again. I feel like giving up. So frustrated of this drama.

2018 Relapses:-

Jan-7
Feb-7
March-6

April- 4
May- 5
June-2

July- 4
August- 2
September- 3

October- 5
November- 3
December- 1.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 5
Feb-0
March- 3

April- 1

No social media,
Sleep early and get up early
No unnecessary and aimless Youtube surfing
Think positively
Be DISCIPLINED

Day Zero- EVERY DAY IS A BLESSING. MAKE YOUR EVERY DAY COUNT. WHETHER IT’S DAY 4 OR 14 OR 24, LIVE EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST AND DO REMEMBER THAT EVERYDAY YOU ARE GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. I AM GLAD FOR THIS NEW BEGINNING. IT WILL BE BETTER AND MORE FUN TO START ANEW. I HAVE FAILED MANY TIMES BUT I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSONS. YES, I AM GLAD THAT TODAY I AM STARTING MY NOFAP JOURNEY AFRESH. IT WILL BE GLORIOUS, SUCCESSFUL AND WIL BE A BENEDICTION UPON MY LIFE. I WILL COME OUT STRONGER, MORE POWERFUL, MORE HEALTHY, CHEERFUL AND MORE VITAL THAN EVER BEFORE. I THANK MYSELF FOR THIS DAY. I AM A SUCCESS AND WILL BE SUCCESS.

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5 April, 4:15 AM

Relapsed Again.

Shit, shame and guilt

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 5
Feb-0
March- 3

April- 2.
:medal_sports::medal_sports::medal_sports::1st_place_medal::1st_place_medal::1st_place_medal::1st_place_medal::person_in_lotus_position:‍♂:fireworks::fireworks::medal_sports::medal_sports::1st_place_medal::1st_place_medal::heart:

17 April 3 AM, Relapsed after Day 11.

2019 Relapses:-

Jan- 5
Feb-0
March- 3

April- 3.

Oh my God!! When will this shit end??

A brief summary of all the lessons that I have learned:

  1. Early to bed and early from bed is must.

  2. Stay busy the whole day.

  3. Focus on the goals not on the days. Forget about the days, stop counting it. Start living today and now! Pay attention on the goals and get deeply engaged to it.

  4. Stay happy. Remove negative thoughts and stress.

  5. Use affirmations to keep the mind focused on the goals and being positive.

  6. Daily Yoga practice.

  7. Learn to be disciplined.

  8. Stay away from all the triggers- Social media, YouTube, erotic thoughts.

  9. Relearn to enjoy life- being social, studying, working out, playing, singing, dancing etc.

  10. Just acknowledge that it is a difficult journey. The flatlines are terrible. It feels as if that’s the end of the world and if those P*** aren’t consumed, then there’s no meaning to this life in that moment. In my case, pain in my body becomes severe when I abstain from it for a sufficiently long time. Moreover, my negative thoughts, habit of worrying and the resultant stress force me to escape from “reality” and release those pressure and pain by indulging in the world of P***. Things have turned out to be so bad for me. Even if I try to feel positive mentally, my poor health and low energy level just doesn’t allow me to be so for longer period of time. I thereby constantly relapse back to the old pattern of worrying, having so many negative, fearful and gloomy thoughts about myself, self-criticism and what not. And I have a terrible Self-esteem also. Thus, P*** had been the refuge, the asylum, the medicine, the antidepressant, the tranquilizer for me all these years which made me feel good and happy by releasing, flooding all those dopamines in an abnormal amount for a particular time period. But the problem is that it has become a depressing Vicious circle for me: Porn screws my brain chemistry, psychology, energy, mental state and health-----> A more unrewarding lifestyle, Causes stress, fear, depression, negative thoughts-----> To escape this pain, boredom, stress I take recourse to P***. And the cycle continues itself. P*** for me is just the symptom of this underlying root problem.
    But I really, really, really need to overcome this NOW. I must not escape from now. But face them courageously and overcome them through the blessings of the Almighty and my sheer determination. P*** is shit. I really really really should break this bad habit now. There’s no excuse whatsoever for indulging in it anymore. I really really miss my old self too- full of energy and vitality, cheerful, positive, social, a magnetic personality. I really doubt if I would be that person again but I do hope that things would be better than what I have become today. My present condition is so pathetic that I don’t even recognise myself and I am so afraid of meeting my old friends that I avoid contacting them. What a truckload of shit I have become. It’s very saddening. Healing my heart and establishing healthy emotional well-being is the first step. It’s the first and the most basic need of the hour. “Keep your heart in good diligence, for out of it springs forth all the matters of life”- The Bible.
    There are some reasons Why I FEEL so terribly low about myself but mostly it is due to unknown reasons. I just feel them and I could never really figured that out. A happy heart can be happy in spite of any outside sitistion and a gloomy heart will be gloomy despite the best going on in the outside world. I used to be very cheerful and bright and today I would have to retrain myself, my heart to feel and exuberate peace, contentment, happiness and positivity. This is the most fundamental. I just have to retrain my heart amd emotions and a new pathway in the brain has to be created. Unless and until I successfully do it, I wouldn’t be able to overcome this recurrent P*** habit. But if I am able to do it, P*** habit will fall away by itself. I will do this Inner Engineering be done upon myself for a healthier me and a brighter future. There’s no other option.

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Day 5- Am back on track. Will not pmo ever again just like I won’t smoke ever in this life. I am awesome and I will defeat this evil satan with the grace of God and my sheer determination.

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Day 8- Terrible pain all over my body and a general fatigue. Not cool at all. I think pmo for all these years have a big role in this miserable health condition today. I think once I complete a fairly long abstinence like 4 to 6 months, my health and energy level would improve. Please don’t relapse. Stay strong and committed. Have patience and tolerance. Just be strong. Everything’s gonna be alright. Be strong and steadfast.

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Day 13- My sleeping routine is aweful. I sleep at the most odd hours- 6 am, 7 am, 4, 3 ams, usually only after 3 AM!! I think this is also one big reason for my body constantly feeling lethargic and my mental fog. But this habit has also developed due to my past p*** habits only. I haven’t seen the morning sun in a decade. I think this is also screwing my brain chemistry since the morning sun is believed to set the body’s circadian rhythm. And I am not exercising these days also which was one of the few good habits which I retained from my good old days simply because I constantly feel too lethargic and lack motivation anymore.

Today, somehow I managed to go for a Walk-in interview. It went rather well because my past credentials were really good but I was not able to speak fluently as much, nor I think my ‘personality’ was one of the most impressive ones though it somehow seems to have impressed the board. My body is really sick now. Among other things, mostly because of Evil P***. I really miss my old innocent and joyful self. Hope I become better with time. Don’t give up. Things will do change for the better. Health, peace of mind, love, joy and well being and material success is waiting for you! Stay steadfast!

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Day 21 Running…

:black_small_square:No perceptible changes experienced
:black_small_square:Feel lethargic all the time
:black_small_square:Sleep a lot because of lack of energy and motivation
:black_small_square:Depression
:black_small_square:Feeling very hopeless about myself- career, life goals, everything in general.
:black_small_square: I have lost all motivation to be or do anything in life.
:black_small_square:Mental fog and tiredness 24/7
:black_small_square:I am taking liquor to help my body relax
:black_small_square:Feel like there’s no point in living anymore, for me. For what?? I don’t know anymore but just going with the flow.

Day 23 running: Learn Discipline. It shows one’s strength of mind and it’s soundness. Never give up. I must reach Day 90 this time. No matter how dark the withdrawal effects and discomfort, boredom, stress or urges torment me I must reach Day 90 this time. Which I will If I stay committed and remain firm to my determination. Pain is temporary, glory is forever.