i have written these notes as a Reminder for myself in times of urges, depression, bad mood,stress, temptations etc.
12 September 2019
Today i am very Weak. I may even die because of some stroke or paralysis. I can’t work in peace … my social anxiety is very high. My agitated body reacts in a awkward way. I am full of fear, shame & guilt.
I have no energy. I feel life is not worth living. I have fear to go outside. I cant visit my relatives functions. I have problem in eating my food. I am afraid all the time. My confidence is zero. I cant make a conversation with strangers. I have become very stupid. I have no intelligence. I cant sleep. Thoughts are too much. Life is Hell.
Anger… Low self esteem. Bones… skinny… weak… Loser. Cant survive on my own in this world. Living on others money. Failed in Studies. Cant take my wife & child to some Good place. Unable to provide them with what they deserve from a husband & a father. Hatred, Repentance all is left. Broken Promises.
Can i Change Myself ?
I have found root cause of all my illness. The Root cause is PMO. Porn masturbation & Orgasm. By Quitting this addiction… i can change myself
Extra Motivation to leave this Habit
I believe in spirituality. I want to raise my awareness & meditation to a level where i can enjoy my life. Further, i want to reach samadhi & enlightenment. To know Soul & God.