A new journey for making a better life for myself

Day 19 :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
Soooooo today was a good day , atleast I feel like it was a good day , you know? When I woke up this morning I was having such a difficult time telling myself that I should not relapse. I had to get my COVID vaccine today and so I had to get up early , anddddd I wanted to fao awayyyy , but I didn’t do it, mainly because hey! Who does it? I had no fantasies though , it was like a rite of passage for me , that vaccine… I fear however that I cannit find what I look for in this habit , maybe I am thinking too much about the habit , anyways , this is all I have to say for today! I hope you guys have a great day … I gotta go , bye bye ! :blush::blush:

3 Likes

Great!!! 19 days :muscle::muscle::fire::fire::fire::fire: you will feel better.

3 Likes

Thanks! I feel so happy these days :blush::blush:

1 Like

Day 20 :cowboy_hat_face:
Sooo today was good , I umm I had no fantasies today but there were urges :sob::sob::sob:. I really wanted to get high under dopamine today but I forced myself to instead watch tv shows and it worked like a charm :innocent:. I have experienced no side effects from the vaccine so I guess it’s all going good :blush:, I guess that is it for today I’ll see you guys tomorrow ! :blush:

2 Likes

291 days to go :pleading_face::sob:
Sooo i had a relapse today , it was not planned , nor did I want it enough to make it happen , but it still did … I can’t change the past , so I though about what I want to do with all these relapses and I realised that I have to set up a long term goal and a short term goal. So I have made a goal to go 291 days NOPMO , starting from today. I’m going to break these up into fifty day streaks and then I’ll break these up into 10 days streaks , which I will break up to 1 day streaks… sinoly put , I am going to take it one day at a time , till I reach a mile stone . After I reach a milestone… I will celebrate by doing something , which is a little different…
Wish me luck and hope for the best! I just hope I’ll have a easy journey , although I know by no means it will be easy but still, no problem in keeping hopes , right?
Anyways , I better go , I’ll be back tomorrow for sharing a new streak , stay happy and stay safe :blush::blush:

2 Likes

290 days to go :slight_smile:
Sooo I had a good day I guess ? I had no urges and no fantasies and to top it all of I found a great tv series that can surely help me in getting distracted when future urges arrive , hurrayyyyyyyyy :partying_face:.
I felt today , like I have to start again and I can tell you , it’s pretty annoying , knowing you’ll have to restart every but if effort…
I relapsed four times yesterday and that tells you that I went on a PMO binge but thank God I stopped after 4 times , I mean it could have been a 6 times a day binge… All in all I think it has been a learning experience for me… I guess that isbit for today , I will be back tomorrow with more :smiley:, bye! :hugs:

289 days to go :scream:
Soooo today I had a nice day I guess , I had no urges nor any fantasies , thank God! It was generally a day when I felt happy and so full of love that I couldn’t believe how much with live I was filled. I hoped I would be less affected by it but no… And I know it sounds wierd but I guess I have days where I feel like I can live openly and days where I don’t wanna love anyone. :unamused::unamused:
I guess that is a part of being human… I guess that is it for today, I’ll be back tomorrow for more action :blush:

Day 288 :blush:
Sooo today was a very confusing day , I umm felt very weird today. I just have this urge to go talk to the people on the site that I listen to … it’s very weird and I thought it won’t be much of a problem but I guess it is going to be a problem , after all and I need to talk about it …
I had no urges today and I had some fantasies from which I had to snap out by slapping myself but it did the trick! :hugs::hugs:.
I just hope I get better at stopping myself from being compulsive… I think that is it for today , I will be back in the morning :blush:

287 days to go :smiley:
Sooo today was a good day , I actually had to give my eyes a rest today from all the screen time I’ve had in the past couple of days and it felt good !:blush::blush:
I have not had any urges yet , nor did I have any fantasies but it’s too early for me . If I reach 20 + days , then these become hard for me :neutral_face:… the strange feeling I had since yesterday is now gone. I felt an urgent need to talk to women and have fun conversations with them but my faith prevents me from doing that so I had to stop myself and I hate that :confused:. I also know that it is in my best interest so I guess I’ll have to wait for my marriage :tired_face:
I guess that is it for today , I’ll be back tomorrow for more ! :hugs:

1 Like

286 days to go :hugs:
Sooo today was a good day , I umm I felt really great , not much happened though, I had no urges and I had no fantasies . I spent my days watching tv shows ,sooo that’s it :sweat_smile:. I guess that is it for tomorrow , I’ll be back :innocent:

1 Like

285 days to go :upside_down_face:
Sooo today was a good day , I did not feel urges at the start of the day because the day was getting pretty worky type. But now that I am trying to relax , I am swarmed with urges and I hate it :tired_face::tired_face::tired_face::tired_face:. But I shouldn’t give in , not now , when I’ve worked so hard . I have not had a fantasy though… No fantasies at all .
I had a little fun with my nephew today , he is so talkative lol :joy:. He is so fun , may Allah grant him a happy happy life , Ameen .
Everything else is going great , my friend is not replying to my messages but that is okay , I know he will reply eventually , and if he doesn’t then why would I worry about someone who did not think to reply back in time, right?
Ok , that’s it for now , I think I’m done for today , I’ll be back tomorrow for more! Bye bye!:blush::innocent:

1 Like

22nd March,2021
Sooo today I had a relapse , a bad relapse , Idk what happened to me , but it was a relapse and I felt so bad about myself , infact i hated myself . I also know that I have to forgive myself so I did , I know I made a mistake , I know I forced myself to do something and it didn’t work out like I wanted it to so I was hard on myself and add that to the fact that I watched a tv show which made it easy for me to relapse , as it had so many triggers :tired_face::tired_face:. I hate that I watched it but I can’t change the past , I would like to look to the future and I would like to think that I can achieve 90 days target on my own and to prove that I am going on a 90 day streak target and I will make it Insha Allah , I will rock ! GOOOO MEEEEEE!!! :sweat_smile::sweat_smile::blush:.
Bye bye now! I have nothing more to say , see you tomorrow ! :orange_heart:

1 Like

23rd March , 2021 :pensive::pensive:

Today is a sad day , today one of my professors in my college scumed to COVID and he was one of the kindest professors I know , but Allah took him away from us today . May his soul rest in peace, Ameen…
As for the addiction , I had no urges today , mostly because I was able to keep busy with everything going on in my house and with also the death of my teacher , I was too sad to experience urges :tired_face:
I had no fantasies also , they simply were not there , so I had no trouble. :blush:
I just hope for the next few days to be easy but I know they won’t be , I wish myself luck! Bye bye , see you tomorrow :v:

24th March , 2021 :blush:
Sooo today was a good day , I guess. I had those special kinda dreams today :wink::wink:. Lol I had a wet dream today and it was about a maid , my maid , I mean the maid of my home . At it was weird af !! But the orgasm was nice and I remember that after I had had sex with her, all I could think was that first I had a relapse :neutral_face: and now I lost my virginity to a maid? Goddamnit! :persevere::persevere:. Lol but it was a dream and I woke up to find a wet mess :unamused:. The most annoying part of the experience :expressionless:
But I have had no urges and no fantasies yet , so I think I got that going good for me :grin:. I’ll be back tomorrow :sunglasses:, bye bye!!

25th March , 2021
Sooo today was alright , I umm I learned today thatBi don’t give a fuck if I’m rejected by women , like I don’t give a fuck no more and maybe this is just a phase but I’m loving it!!! :star_struck::star_struck:.
I have had no urges , nor did I umm have any fantasies. I just hope that I can have a better day tomorrow ans my friend is acting really wierd and I dunno why though , I mean I have never done him anything bad but Idk, maybe he is angry with me or something… anyways , I think that is it for today , see you tomorrow !:grin:

26th March , 2021
Sooo today was a good day , I made a new friend and she shares one of my hobies so we talk about ut alot and I am happy, for today. I mean , yeah , sure she could like disappear any day but for now I’m good :blush:. I downloaded a new documentary about one serial killer known as the gay killer. I am yet to watch it so I’m ecxited :grin:.
In other news my addiction has not given me any urges nor are there any fantasies today . From the sude of school I have a lot of home work to do today so I’ll be busy , I just hope the next few days will be good for me :blush:.
Alright I have got nothing more to say , so I guess I have to come nack tomorrow? Bye bye ! :innocent:

27th March , 2021
Sooo today was a wonderful day , full of fun. I’m having fun with that new friend and I’ve been talking to some girls that I met online and so far so good. I don’t any relationship , just company :sweat_smile:. Anyways , I umm had a tiny bit of urge when I was watching perticular desturbing scene in criminal minds… but I got over it and I am relieved :relaxed:.
I had a tiny but of fantasy too , where I recalled something I read years ago in a s** story , and it was disgusting but my mind got stuck in it. It was hard to pull myself out of it but I did eventually and I’m proud of myself :star_struck::star_struck:. I guess that is it for today , I’ll see you tomorrow, bye bye!!:blush:

1 Like

29th March 2021 :tired_face:
Sooo today I had a good day , probably because of talking to so many people (even though it’s online) made me feel so good about myself :blush::blush::blush:. Although I had urges in the morning but I chose not to partake and I frickin love myself now :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts::smiling_face_with_three_hearts:. I’m even having urges right now and I can’t stop seeing how good it will make me feel to orgasm , and I would have PMOd if it were not for my trained brain :sunglasses:. I have stopped myself , I came here and next I plan to watch atleast one episode of a favourite tv show so that I can be free of urges . I have had no problem with fantasizing today , however :blush:.
I think that is it for today ,I’ll see you tomorrow :blush::blush:

1 Like

30th March 2021 :cry:
Sooo today wasn’t a good day for me . I unm had a relapse from my addiction , and I felt horrible.:pleading_face:. The addiction caused me to realize why I had done it. That was due to the fact that I was using people to get numb when I couldn’t accept that it hurt to see my friend being distant from me and not giving replies to my messages and I failed to cope with it . Instead I tried to reach out to other people in my life but as they are snakes, they made me feel good for a while but thenn it got all sad when they stopped replying as well . The main theme of sadness and lonliness set in and then I knew it was only a matter of time before I relpased again . I tried to stop myself but I just couldn’t stop the act of " being with someone " Damn I messed up pretty bad , and it’s my own damn fault. I should have known better. I just didn’t want to face the fact that I lost someone else in my life . I guess I couldn’t cope with it and I messed up instead. I wish I had the strenght to make it right again.:pensive::pensive::frowning::cry::pleading_face:
Anyways I guess this is it for today. O’ll be back tomorrow! :blush:

31st March , 2021
Sooo today was a good day for me . I had fun, ate out for the first time since I started studying for my exams so it has been atleast 4 months have gone by since I last ate something from restaurants :sweat_smile:.
Another thing is that I have had no urges today and I have had no fantasies. I thank God for that…
I finally have some time in which I can play with my PS4. I put it away 4 months ago but now I have time so I can finally play games on it :grin::grin::grin:.
I think I have nothing more else to go to today so I think I’m done… I’ll be back tomorrow ! :blush: