A necessary Confession

This is a really important thing I need to do. In front of all the nofap community.
I haven’t masturbated but I did something equally horrible. And I’m regretting it badly.
I was doing the Miracle morning challenge. And then I woke up late for several days in a row now (including today)
Other than that, I watched porn. Fantasized a lot too
Although I really didn’t like watching porn and I got over it. I had discovered a site long back where you meet people face to face and well you know what can happen. It does require a premium to have full access to all the facilities though. Because I didn’t like porn I went to that site. And I binged on it like crazy. Meeting so many women from different countries, and many were telling me that “you’re so cute” and asking me to jack off with them. Although I refused to do that I made a brave move of asking number. And I hate myself for going into all this. Other than that a recommendation came onto YouTube, the notorious animes. Where we got a dream world and girls want the shy, awkward and creepy guy (which is me in particular) and make attempts to get him. So many stories like that. I later got to know that many of these clips were from hentai (which I’ve barely watched) as the women’s drawings in these animes were more curvaceous and many times they’d show their breasts shaking.
I have deceived myself. And I know that I’m responsible for all this. Especially that site of meeting women. I know it wasn’t easy to refuse their offers but I have made a grave mistake of going there and fantasizing about a partner in my life. I guess I crave for a relationship with lots of sex.

This has also caused another wet dream and I’m hating everything about myself right now.

I’m making this confession because I need to be accountable for my wrongdoings. And I’m not going to that site today. I have also kinda uninstalled and then reinstalled the browser to get rid of all the recommendations on YouTube. Now the YouTube is fresh again (I didn’t sign up while watching these clips)
I’m unable to make a promise to stop this forever so I will make a promise for just today. I will not do it today. No matter what. Then I can make a promise for the week and then increase the amount accordingly.
I just want people to know that not just masturbation, but even going into these stuff isn’t worth it. I’d go a step further and say that if you have got goals to achieve then even craving for a relationship isn’t worth it. Watching a series where girl and the guy are having a wonderful time together probably just happens in the series (or the anime).
We just can’t afford to live in the fantasy world. If you have got goals, then it’s very important to learn to suffer.

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If anyone feels the similar way like me, then I’d say to develop the love for knowledge. I’m definitely not against relationships and sex. But I’m going to say one thing, people you love can cheat on you and hurt you. But your knowledge won’t. You need to be friends with your intelligence and creativity and that would make you go farther in life. This is true for a variety of fields, from scientists to writers. If you have such passion and that is being outshadowed by cravings of so called “love” and sex. I think you need to solve it out and it will definitely give you a more fulfilling life. This is definitely a problem to me. I have a big goal and I know I have a knack for learning. Before this incident happened, I used to get really happy while imagining myself knowing a lot of things in the world. Mastering a variety of skills from mathematics, engineering, to fighting techniques, living out there in different terrains on earth, many languages, to local alchemy, gunpowder making and cooking and food preservation techniques. I imagined myself knowing all of these things. Due to which again I learned to drive car fast during those days. And I enjoyed it all. Learning was so much fun.

I know one thing that deep inside my love of learning is immense. I need to wake that person up.

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hello @Nep1234id I wanted to confirm something that you were doing a challenge in nofap but then instead of porn you watched some dating sites or like Omegle and then you met so many girls and you are regretting now sorry but I am not able to understand pls make me understand in a short form

I watched porn
I didn’t like it
I went to the site
It is a video call based type site so you’re visible there
And I binged on it a lot

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It’s okay bro @Nep1234id
Forgive yourself.
I know you’re way better than this and will win soon…:raised_hands:

The only way I forgive myself is when I pull myself out of it and destroy this entirely. Till then I’m a piece of trash.

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I’m planning to remove all the sexual thoughts from my mind. I know what that freedom feels like. I have done it before. I may have broken my highest streak but this streak is nothing compared to my that clean streak of 37 days where I didn’t have even a single wet dream. I was devoid of any thoughts
Will need some prayers. Thank you everyone who has read the post and cared about it enough. Love you all.

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You can do it brother , remove the lust from you mind . Soon you will out this shitty PMO world.
Look at your profile picture, You know who is he ? He is devrath. He didn’t even think twice before taking the oath of celibacy. Just for making his father happy ,he took that oath . And didn’t break it at any cost.

You are not a slave of your thoughts , You are their master. Control them and you will succeed.

I’m tempted to go back there again
I’m not going to do it
Not today

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I think I’m good enough to make an oath for a week
So I won’t be doing this for the whole week now
No matter what

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No YouTube (except for my lectures)
No social media platform
Nothing at all
Only study and study
That’s what I’m going to do for this whole week. No matter how much it hurts.

You should not write like this. This is a erotic message.

I didn’t get it. what do you mean?

Admin can you merge this thread with my diary?
I’d be grateful

I had a better dream
Was eating ice cream
And it was really tasty. I can still feel the taste in my mouth

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