Thereās no need to lack respect for yourself. Youāre simply at a point in your journey where you donāt know what to do next, at least thatās what it seems to me. I donāt know your whole situation, but a high ego and a low ego are both ego. Try meditation if youāre interested. It helps with letting go of emotions, including ego. Donāt lose ambition, but donāt think any less of yourself because of where you are in your journey. Just try to make good choices, one decision at a time, and donāt judge yourself. Itās easier said than done because I still do the same thing sometimes. Sometimes I just canāt seem to forgive myself for something I did earlier that day. I put myself down for it, and I find it hard to respect myself. Humility is thinking of yourself less, rather than thinking less of yourself. So stop thinking about how good or bad you are. Start thinking about the rest of the world and what your purpose is in it. I guarantee you that you will find it if you just listen to your gut. I donāt know what your gut is telling you, but it seems to me that your gut is telling you religion is the way to go. If thatās the case, listen to your gut and try praying to God for a bit, you donāt have to jump straight into church or anything. You can though, if thatās what your gut is telling you to do. From my experience and others (I learned to trust my gut based on advice from Dean Graziosi), trusting your gut is almost always the right thing to do. If itās not working and youāre not satisfied, why not experiment? And if youāre satisfied, why change?
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023, 12:07 A.M.
Iām a fucking wreckā¦ The fact that Iām swearing pretty much shows that, I donāt like to swear, but I feel like no other words can describe the state of my brain other than āa fucking wreckā.
WHO AM I???
I DONāT KNOW!!! I SWEAR I FEEL LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON EVERY DAY AND I HAVE NO ANSWERS TO ANYTHING! AM I THE ONLY ONE LIKE THIS???
I must be crazy or something. I feel like shit. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. I refuse to turn to religion. Itās too complicated and most of itās a lie. Everybody believes that their god is the one and only true God, but hereās some news: SOME OF YOU ARE WRONG! My friend told me that whatever I feel is correct, but thatās bs. How I feel doesnāt even matter in the slightest. There is truth and there is falsehood, what I feel doesnāt affect either of those things. I canāt feel Christianityās God to being the one true God. I canāt feel Allah into not being real. Something is true and I donāt know what it is. And I canāt even imagine getting wrong, because I wonāt accept that. I wonāt go my entire life devoting myself to something that doesnāt exist, and a lot of people are already doing that without even considering the possibility that they could be wrong. They are born in a religion and die in that religion without even thinking about the possibility that they grew up in a lie. All of that to say how the hell do I pick a religion? Because I canāt trust my feelings, feelings are weak and misleading. You want something to make you feel better so you make yourself believe something. I donāt do that, I think, I learn, I evaluate. I wonāt allow myself to be wrong. I just want someone to think like me. You need to think. We have to find the truth.
I still donāt know why Iām doing NoFap anymore, and Iām just giving in to every urge that comes along. I donāt feel like fighting anymore.
What would younger me say to me now?
Iām not a good guy, Iām not a good friend, or boyfriend, or brother, or son. Iām a piece of shit and a liability.
I think about ending it all a lot, but I canāt do it because Iām too selfish, I want to live even though I donāt deserve too. Suicide used to be a selfless act. Honorable. Now itās a sign of being a coward. If I killed myself I feel like I would be doing a service to the people around me, I would stop being a problem for them to deal with. They wouldnāt have to worry about me anymore, they wouldnāt have to waste their time or energy on me anymore. They wouldnāt have to waste anything on me anymore. But I canāt do it. I want to live, I want to make money, I want to be famous, I want people to like me, I want to have sex and do all the things my mother wonāt let me.
And at the same time I hate everything I just said. I want to turn my life around, I want to study and learn and commit and find the answers. I want to follow my dreams and have fun. I want to wait until marriage for sex and I want to listen to my mother. But that seems too hard. So far out of reach. It would be much easier to just give upā¦
Is this who I am?
The guy who had huge dreams but never had the discipline to do them? That sounds like who I am right now.
Sorry this one was a bit long and depressingā¦
I wish this state of mind on no one.
Peace 
Tuesday, May 23, 2023, 12:29 A.M.
Being patient is the key to make yourself connect to God. When you sin too much then love of God also diminishes. Start from scratch do small good things in life and just donāt watch ā ā ā ā like vortexkicker. The main problem with us is that we are too in dopamine that we cant live without it. Just go with a day. Do little struggle with it. Just for a day. Your struggle is itself a proof that you love God but donāt get into the dungeon of Satan. He(Satan) will do itās work to get out of Godās way but donāt you get lured by him(most cursed).
Thursday, May 25th, 2023, 2:43 P.M.
I hate who Iāve become. I used to be happier, I used to motivate people, but now I come here and complain about my life and talk about suicide. These are not the answers. This is not the way to live. I have to get back on track. I need to study and work and have better habits. Iāll keep you guys posted because Iām busy today. Iāll catch up with you guys later.
Thursday, May 25th, 2023, 2:45
Monday, June 5th, 2023
I havenāt been active here for a while, and I havenāt been updating the counter much, so if anyone thinks I was doing better I wasnāt. Iāve been endulging in PMO whenever I feel like it. I lost my motives. I quit caring. I donāt even know why I should do NoFap anymore. It used to be because I was Christian, but Iām not anymore so it feels useless to try. I started working harder on something Iām really passionate about and itās not going well so I feel like crying. Iām out of shape and consuming really unhealthy foods. My room is a mess, but Iām cleaning it today so thatās okay. Iām just not very happy. Nothing seems to be going right and getting older is scary. My brain is a mess and Iām trying to ignore my problems, but itās not going well. Hoping things start looking up. I really hope they do. Any advice is appreciated but like 2 people will see this and their first language wonāt be english so they wonāt understand anyways. Sorry if Iām being negative I know it doesnāt help.
Fix the most fixable thing first. What your brain is doing now is called Catastrophising. It is not all that bad. You have your body alright, you can do wonders. In my opinion, fix your sleep, start eating healthy, and stop caring about too many people and too many things. Focus on what you can do. Remember and relive your days of glory in your mind. Start with all your dedication on that one thing you can fix and when it is fixed, get down on another. Donāt think too much. Neither past nor future, just keep doing ONE thing properly until your reach the light at the end of the tunnel or the dead end. If you reach the light, well done. IF you reach the dead end, blast it open with the force of your dreams and move on.
Letās forget everything and i challenge you for 1 hour abstinence. are you ready?
Sure I can do one hour. Starting now.
Congrat we done for more than an hour if we can do for an hour then we are good
Not every hour is the same man. Iāve been busy for a while. Iām not always busy
Not every hour is the same but in 24 hours of you can do for one hour or even 10 minutes or less than 10 minute then Inshaallah you can go for a longer time whether you are busy or not.