A Little Bit of Greatness - Finding_Myself's Diary 😁 [16 M]

There’s no need to lack respect for yourself. You’re simply at a point in your journey where you don’t know what to do next, at least that’s what it seems to me. I don’t know your whole situation, but a high ego and a low ego are both ego. Try meditation if you’re interested. It helps with letting go of emotions, including ego. Don’t lose ambition, but don’t think any less of yourself because of where you are in your journey. Just try to make good choices, one decision at a time, and don’t judge yourself. It’s easier said than done because I still do the same thing sometimes. Sometimes I just can’t seem to forgive myself for something I did earlier that day. I put myself down for it, and I find it hard to respect myself. Humility is thinking of yourself less, rather than thinking less of yourself. So stop thinking about how good or bad you are. Start thinking about the rest of the world and what your purpose is in it. I guarantee you that you will find it if you just listen to your gut. I don’t know what your gut is telling you, but it seems to me that your gut is telling you religion is the way to go. If that’s the case, listen to your gut and try praying to God for a bit, you don’t have to jump straight into church or anything. You can though, if that’s what your gut is telling you to do. From my experience and others (I learned to trust my gut based on advice from Dean Graziosi), trusting your gut is almost always the right thing to do. If it’s not working and you’re not satisfied, why not experiment? And if you’re satisfied, why change?

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Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023, 12:07 A.M.
I’m a fucking wreck… The fact that I’m swearing pretty much shows that, I don’t like to swear, but I feel like no other words can describe the state of my brain other than “a fucking wreck”.

WHO AM I???
I DON’T KNOW!!! I SWEAR I FEEL LIKE A DIFFERENT PERSON EVERY DAY AND I HAVE NO ANSWERS TO ANYTHING! AM I THE ONLY ONE LIKE THIS???

I must be crazy or something. I feel like shit. Emotionally, physically, spiritually. I refuse to turn to religion. It’s too complicated and most of it’s a lie. Everybody believes that their god is the one and only true God, but here’s some news: SOME OF YOU ARE WRONG! My friend told me that whatever I feel is correct, but that’s bs. How I feel doesn’t even matter in the slightest. There is truth and there is falsehood, what I feel doesn’t affect either of those things. I can’t feel Christianity’s God to being the one true God. I can’t feel Allah into not being real. Something is true and I don’t know what it is. And I can’t even imagine getting wrong, because I won’t accept that. I won’t go my entire life devoting myself to something that doesn’t exist, and a lot of people are already doing that without even considering the possibility that they could be wrong. They are born in a religion and die in that religion without even thinking about the possibility that they grew up in a lie. All of that to say how the hell do I pick a religion? Because I can’t trust my feelings, feelings are weak and misleading. You want something to make you feel better so you make yourself believe something. I don’t do that, I think, I learn, I evaluate. I won’t allow myself to be wrong. I just want someone to think like me. You need to think. We have to find the truth.

I still don’t know why I’m doing NoFap anymore, and I’m just giving in to every urge that comes along. I don’t feel like fighting anymore.

What would younger me say to me now?

I’m not a good guy, I’m not a good friend, or boyfriend, or brother, or son. I’m a piece of shit and a liability.

I think about ending it all a lot, but I can’t do it because I’m too selfish, I want to live even though I don’t deserve too. Suicide used to be a selfless act. Honorable. Now it’s a sign of being a coward. If I killed myself I feel like I would be doing a service to the people around me, I would stop being a problem for them to deal with. They wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore, they wouldn’t have to waste their time or energy on me anymore. They wouldn’t have to waste anything on me anymore. But I can’t do it. I want to live, I want to make money, I want to be famous, I want people to like me, I want to have sex and do all the things my mother won’t let me.

And at the same time I hate everything I just said. I want to turn my life around, I want to study and learn and commit and find the answers. I want to follow my dreams and have fun. I want to wait until marriage for sex and I want to listen to my mother. But that seems too hard. So far out of reach. It would be much easier to just give up…

Is this who I am?

The guy who had huge dreams but never had the discipline to do them? That sounds like who I am right now.

Sorry this one was a bit long and depressing…

I wish this state of mind on no one.

Peace :v:

Tuesday, May 23, 2023, 12:29 A.M.

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Being patient is the key to make yourself connect to God. When you sin too much then love of God also diminishes. Start from scratch do small good things in life and just don’t watch ■■■■ like vortexkicker. The main problem with us is that we are too in dopamine that we cant live without it. Just go with a day. Do little struggle with it. Just for a day. Your struggle is itself a proof that you love God but don’t get into the dungeon of Satan. He(Satan) will do it’s work to get out of God’s way but don’t you get lured by him(most cursed).

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Thursday, May 25th, 2023, 2:43 P.M.
I hate who I’ve become. I used to be happier, I used to motivate people, but now I come here and complain about my life and talk about suicide. These are not the answers. This is not the way to live. I have to get back on track. I need to study and work and have better habits. I’ll keep you guys posted because I’m busy today. I’ll catch up with you guys later.
Thursday, May 25th, 2023, 2:45

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Monday, June 5th, 2023
I haven’t been active here for a while, and I haven’t been updating the counter much, so if anyone thinks I was doing better I wasn’t. I’ve been endulging in PMO whenever I feel like it. I lost my motives. I quit caring. I don’t even know why I should do NoFap anymore. It used to be because I was Christian, but I’m not anymore so it feels useless to try. I started working harder on something I’m really passionate about and it’s not going well so I feel like crying. I’m out of shape and consuming really unhealthy foods. My room is a mess, but I’m cleaning it today so that’s okay. I’m just not very happy. Nothing seems to be going right and getting older is scary. My brain is a mess and I’m trying to ignore my problems, but it’s not going well. Hoping things start looking up. I really hope they do. Any advice is appreciated but like 2 people will see this and their first language won’t be english so they won’t understand anyways. Sorry if I’m being negative I know it doesn’t help.

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Fix the most fixable thing first. What your brain is doing now is called Catastrophising. It is not all that bad. You have your body alright, you can do wonders. In my opinion, fix your sleep, start eating healthy, and stop caring about too many people and too many things. Focus on what you can do. Remember and relive your days of glory in your mind. Start with all your dedication on that one thing you can fix and when it is fixed, get down on another. Don’t think too much. Neither past nor future, just keep doing ONE thing properly until your reach the light at the end of the tunnel or the dead end. If you reach the light, well done. IF you reach the dead end, blast it open with the force of your dreams and move on.

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Let’s forget everything and i challenge you for 1 hour abstinence. are you ready?

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Sure I can do one hour. Starting now.

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Congrat we done for more than an hour if we can do for an hour then we are good

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Not every hour is the same man. I’ve been busy for a while. I’m not always busy

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Not every hour is the same but in 24 hours of you can do for one hour or even 10 minutes or less than 10 minute then Inshaallah you can go for a longer time whether you are busy or not.