A Life Rekindled [Diary]

It has been a while since I used this app. Had a wonderful streak that was going nicely then mental instability just couldn’t help but push me back to this.

I would say, I have an addiction problem. Periods of rebooting then back to the depths of hell. It has been around 5 years of this unhealthy habit, consuming me physically and mentally. A habit that never should have been the outlet to my stress & anxiety.

As of now, this minute, hour, day; I guess I want and had enough of it. It’s just too much. I feel as one of two faces: innocence on the outside, but darker secrets when bounded by closed doors.

I’ve read a thread about one’s wife, she was devastated discovering their darker secrets. I don’t want my to-be future beloved ones to find me, an irresponsible being.

God help me!

I hope I am up to the task

00d:00m:01s… Day1

Wow you had a wonderful streak. That means I can do it and you can too. Recovery is like resilience, you fall, and you get back up. Secrets is what keep us doing it.
Tell me how do you want your beloved ones see you?

To see me as someone in control of himself, responsible and capable.

Going for a streak is easier when with someone to share than alone… from which most of my streaks were made, it was thru sharing thoughts, even if it was just venting without response.

You can do it!

Halfway through Day2

Day 1 was probably easier than before as I tried to cut down my phone usage to minimum a few hours before sleep

As of now, I tried filling that time with novels to read and through watching some enjoyable documentaries. Will try to stick to newer habits in the process

I just slip. Went on Reddit for 30 min than connect here. Thank you for your response, this helps. I am down to do daily check In, if you don’t mind me doing that. Reply when you want. For me it is really to have someone to be accountable to.
So I am back at D0.
Prevention strategies: relax; go out and walk; play flute; move; wash my face with cold water.
"I am a man who choose the best action in the moment, and who choose to share his sexuality with someone he loves.