Ok, sit down my fellow Indian bro and take a deep breath. I don’t want to sound harsh but here is a dose of reality that every Indian man needs to know. NoFap is’nt going to magically solve all those issues you have in your life. You need to work on it along with no PMO.
It’s going to be long post so keep your green tea or coffee by your side while you read this.
- Understand that Indian culture is a scam.
While we need to respect our parents, our focus needs to be our individual well being. If you’re on a burning plane, you can’t save anybody unless you have strapped an oxygen mask on yourself first. The elder generation does’nt understand the concept of individual freedom, so don’t pressure yourself into taking decisions based on what society thinks you ought to take.
Most of our Parents have brought us up without thinking about themselves. I don’t fault them for doing this but they now have no personal life of their own. You need to respectfully draw personal boundaries first.
You can’t be happy with a partner if you have’nt sorted out your own life first. Stop believing that a woman is going to be the magical solution to everything.
Also, there is no compulsion that one must have kids or marry a person selected by your parents. Have you explored the choice to be childfree ? And have you also explored the choice to enter into a relationship without going down the arranged marriage route ?
- Personal development.
You have to put effort into building your confidence. You can’t be really satisfied if you’re not living at your full potential.
Move out of your parents home. Earn enough to hire a maid or someone to take care of your parents if they can’t take care of themselves. Encourage them to do some other activities. Don’t mind whatever your samaj or parents think of you.
As long as you put personal development first, you’re doing the right thing. Start working on whatever is holding you from freely living your life.
Seek therapy. If you live in Bangalore, it’s definitely worth checking out NIMHANS or I could suggest my personal therapist who takes zoom sessions.
This is extreme hard work and it took me a long time to figure out that I had unresolved mental issues from my childhood. I spoke to a therapist and am working through my issues EVERY DAY. It’s very very very hard to push myself to actually work on myself when I have tonnes of regret and even more anxiety about my future but I do everything possible to fight it.
The only thing going for me is HOPE. I’m working hard to prepare myself for taking advantage of opportunities when they come.
- No PMO
Anytime you want to PMO because you don’t want to feel the regrets about your past or anxiety about your future or to even escape from the shitty present situation, stop yourself, take a deep breath and focus on whatever task that you need to be doing.
Not PMOing is like going to the gym and building your strengths through resistance training. Keeping away from triggers is like sticking to a diet plan.
The mind wants pleasure and avoid pain. Your duty during the next 90 days is to welcome the pain. The tools to help you do that would be yoga and meditation. Download headspace and join the reddit meditation group. Meditation helps you to observe the pain as a third person and instead of identifying as the experiencer, you’ll be able to face the pain and strengthen your resistance to pain as well !!
