Hi all,
This is going to be my main journal here
Sharing my struggle, successes and failures
Starting now after my 3rd relapse on wed 11/4/2020
May this be the last day wasted of my life
I’m 35m, still living with my parents
Been through some stuff
Had some good and bad times
3rd relapse today
I was watching a movie on the laptop while laying trying to chill and relax which of coarse never really happens ending up relapsing as so many times before and making my very first entry here…
Being stressed about some stuff I had to do
Probably postpone them for later on
Being here again and again
Funny hope strange life can be…
I’ve next thought I’d call myself seen addict… Ever but… Here I’m…
Feeling kinda dizzy…
Probably avoiding human contact for the rest of the day
Omg 35? Don’t ever relapse save it, you need it for your future… Also which country are you from?
Never ever relapse bro…
Treat no fap seriously. Change your life for the better.
Thanks man
Though this not a question I feel comfortable sharing
35 - 25 - 65 - 15… Does it matter? Who cares?
Welcome on board! You are here to betterment, and we are here to support you 
See you at the top!
Today my head feels like exploding after yesterday’s 3 relapses
I think Dilemmas on purchasing stuff around my everyday life are used as an tool subconsciously to keep the addiction cycle going…
I’m not really buying anything I’m just doing a really long research and the meantime I find myself relapsing.
Usually on the same spots… Day after day
I was supposed to meet some people for work today…
I was telling myself that I should not your love so I can have a clear mind and successful but in the end as it turns out I’m even worse situation as far as concerns brain fog…
Back with my parents in my low 30s, too. Just wanted to say you’re not alone. Be strong. Sexual energy and libido are power. They are forces. They propel you forward. Without them, you’re empty. Stripped of all magic.
I bought an app that completely locks my phone down. Got rid of ALL internet access but for phone. Not even a personal pc.
Be vigilant, be well, be angry. Be angry with yourself. Hate yourself. Dont forget, dont let go. You must fight every second of every day. If you forget, you slip back into habit. Never forget. Always fight.
How do you fell now?
3 days clean and I’ve just had my first mood swing once again
Remembering all the shit that’s happened in my life resulting to a false cycle
One step again with less fog…
Found a quite place… Let it all out
Tomorrow is another day
It will pass and day after day you will be feel stronger.
6th time today
so here I am using the app again after - I think almost a year
feeling my head spinning
all day inside home
still trying to recover from PTSD while watching my life getting wasted away
everyday outside I look like a normal person but I desperately need a change of environment
traveling and then more traveling
theres no boredom or anger when you’re numb
escaping through a false cycle from watching movies all day, taking porn breaks… getting yourself even more numb and eventually you wake up on your 35ish still trying to get yourself together
if I stay clean for like 2-3 days I start to get focused ready to get on some kind of venture before I get sabotaged by my home
fucking pathetic
it’s as if someone hit me on the head but I don’t feel pain
my sharing code: u8nwzm
Tuesday rising
For the passing Monday…
Oh and almost forgot… Yes, I came here to report my progress
Not sure how long this will last but hey… It’s a start
Brain fog still high but comes and goes like the tide
Frustration though becomes like an anchor wanting to sink the ship and be done with
Still desensitized
At least meditation music helps
I hate my life…I need a change
I’ve been needing a change for a very very long time
But every time I was being sabotaged either but me or people around me
Tuesday 7/13
Watching inspirational videos
Just ate at 2am chocolate
Saved money
Exercised
Left home in the morning
No meditation but generally a very busy day
…
Editing this post later for the same day
Sun 7/18
On relapse after 5 days
Postposting stuff I have to do
Brain fog