[32 M] Give Me Back the Feeling of Excitement! ⚠️TRIGGER WARNING⚠️

Day 1:

I don’t feel excitement any more when I’m exploring a woman’s body. I WANT THAT BACK!

I have tried abstaining from porn to improve my bedroom performance with positive results, but never before had I been so close to failing.

This separation from others during this pandemic dragged me into a dark area of excessive masturbation and ED. You would think of not having an encounter with a woman after a few months some of the most vanilla things would get me excited. WRONG!

I have destroyed myself. I am here to repair myself and be better than before.

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Rooting for you bro… All the best :blush:

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Day 2

I woke up this morning hard… which I guess is a good thing. I haven’t been waking up hard lately.

No urges to masturbate, but also no signs of sexual stimulation during the day. I’m going see if I can schedule an appointment with my doctor to be put on Cialis, even if it’s just temporary.

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Be careful with drugs man…

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Day 3:

I just came back from my doctor to see if she could get me on Cialis. She referred me to a urologist and the earliest I could get an appointment in was December 29.

I feel like I may have jumped the gun way too early to be medicated, but I’m trying to keep SugarMama happy, at least until I begin working again next month January.

Also, plan on seeing an old friend next week when I drive down to Florida. We’ll call her Angel. I haven’t seen Angel in awhile, actually never. I’ve known her for half my life and we have never met in person. It would be quite humiliating if I cannot keep it up for her.

Regardless, I have to stay strong. Nofap is my only lifeline to prevent the previously mentioned from ending in ugly.

December 29 would mark Day 24. Maybe this unknown force is trying to show me that I can get by without meds.

I’m going to go to the gym after this post. I figured saying it on here will assure that I go.

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Sugarmama? You’re going places my dude! :joy::joy:
Keep at it!

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@GOVIND-19 not my ideal relationship under normal circumstances, but it works for current conditions

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Day 4:

One step closer every day.

Yesterday I was scrolling through social media and a friend had posted some erotic material; it was all text, but nothing graphic. I felt a slight tingle and noticed I was maybe 20% erect. I touched myself strictly to confirm I was semi (even though barely) erect.

I would say this is a step in the right direction, as I used to not be able to stay erect (<50%) during vanilla oral sex.

I’m kind of nervous because last week SugarMama told me she’ll probably call me sometime this week, I just don’t know when. Her favorite is vanilla oral sex and I want to show her much I appreciate her by staying hard.

Wish me luck!

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Day 5

Still going strong

Late yesterday SugarMama told me she wants me to stop by today. Hoping the past five days helps me perform today.

I got them both gifts for Christmas so hopefully they’ll feel obligated to keep me around for at least another visit if the sex is mediocre. I got her some nice sheer black tights, and her husband a quarter of medicinal marijuana.

Wish me luck!

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Day 6:

So last night I would say was a success. SugarMama and her husband liked their gifts, but most importantly I was able to perform. I wasn’t rock hard. But I never went completely flaccid to where it was not usable; this happened during my last visit.

I believe nofap is working. I plan to continue nofap. I will not allow porn to destroy real sex with real women!

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That’s a good mindset to maintain! Keep on going … :muscle:

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Day 7:

It’s been one week hooray! But it wasn’t an easy one.

Last night I was scrolling through FB and saw that someone shared a very provocative TikTok featuring a woman. My brain triggered to want to do research on this woman.

As soon as my brain tripped, I went into panic mode, literally. I have an app on my phone that has ‘panic’ mode, which will lock me out my for a chosen amount of time. I set it lock me out for 45 minutes, turned on some pouring rain white noise, and fell asleep before the time expired.

Another day. Another victory!

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Day 8:

For the past week, I’ve been working on building a dog house for my sister. I just finished it last night.

I will be driving from Michigan to Florida to deliver. It will take a couple days each way. I plan on using these many hours to self-reflect.

Last night I seeked something on Netflix to fall asleep to, something that likely did not contain any pretty women. I decided on Heavy Rescue 401, a program on Canadian tow truck recoveries.

Just as I was watching TV, I did what a stereotypical guy does when they’re comfortable at home, had my hand in my pants. Not in a sexual way though, just my hand in my pants.

When I realized the position I was in, I noticed something. I was 0% erect, but my penis felt slightly thicker. Am I getting better erections even when I don’t have an erection?

This is working. I like it :slightly_smiling_face:

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Day 9:

No real triggers or urges over the past 24 hours.

For the past 12 hours I have been driving down south towards Florida. I’ve been listening to a relationship/sex podcast the entire time and some of the discussions arouse me slightly. I used to not get turned on by seeing a real life naked woman, so I guess this is progress.

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Day 10:

Made it halfway to Florida yesterday. Posted on Twitter in the morning and was offered a place to stay by some friends in South Carolina.

Wouldn’t normally think this scenario would be tough, but I haven’t seen them or their daughter (she’s 26) in a few years. Their daughter, we’ll call her Snow White, currently has a bf who stays lives with them. Knowing their daughter and I weren’t likely going to have a kick it for old-time sake was a tempting situation.

Before I went to bed, I set my phone to ‘panic’ mode for four hours. If I was cumming, it was NOT going to be from porn…

Tomorrow I continue to Day 11

Day 11

Yesterday I spent the majority of my time driving on the road. Finally made it to Miami and spent time with my sister.

Left early this morning to drive back up to Tampa. Haven’t really had an opportunity to be triggered, so I guess that’s good.

Have a dinner date tonight with someone (Angel) I’ve known since high school, but never met. Hopefully things end well

Day 0 v2:

So my dinner date with Angel was a success. She wants to see me again tomorrow, but had to leave by early because of her daughter.

As a result of not having a real life encounter, I had FaceTime sex with Janice, a partner from back home. I initially didn’t consider this a relapse, but @Damane and @edistoretto convinced it definitely is. It may not be porn from the internet, but it is not real life sex.

I want my real life sex to be better, this did not help it. Tomorrow real life sex appears to be likely. Hopefully my performance is not hindered much from this relapse.

I feel sorry for my self. I’m sorry self :slightly_frowning_face:

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Day 1 v2:

Gal from the previous evening’s dinner date, her daughter ended up getting sick. I encouraged the gal to stay home and I’ll make other plans.

To the gal I may have just appeared to be a gentleman who cares, but in reality I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to stay hard after last night’s relapse.

I ended up matching with a nice thick black girl on Tinder who wanted to get spanked and never had been.

I never met anyone where spanking was the highlight of the encounter, so this was in a sense new to me as well. Because it was new to me, I was rock hard the entire time… the large dose of horny goat weed may played a part.

The feeling of being rock hard before any penetration and staying rock hard during any sex is what I want back. I want to show the women in my life a good time. I WILL GET THAT BACK!!!

Day 2 v2:

I’m still in Florida. I met another gal again off tinder last night, not Spanks. We’ll call this one Satan (not satin)

We went out for dinner and drinks; it was a good time. Satan insisted that she doesn’t take anyone home on the first date and stuck to it. I paid the bill and said she can pay for the next one if she wants to see me again.

I had an alternative place to lay my head on the off chance I ended up not getting lucky. As much as I would have liked to get laid, I saw this as an opportunity. I could either relapse again or stick to my guns and be true to myself. I chose the latter.

Another day, another success. Next time I’m in Florida will be a few months. By then my PIED WILL BE CURED and will be ready to slay!

Day 3 v2:

I spent most of the time yesterday either spending time with family or driving, so no real opportunities to have a PMO.

I’m back in South Carolina staying with same friends and their daughter Snow White.

It’s technically the morning of Day 3, but I have not fallen asleep yet from Day 2. I stayed up until about 4am talking with Snow White in the living room. I’m laying in bed now, sharing on here instead of having a PMO. This forum is my happy place

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