[~30M] Forerunner's Diary - Ascension to Greatness 🙇🏾

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 4 - 4th July 2024
Rank: Prisoner


Lord, I thank you that there’s still time to change.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Prayers
:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Studying the Qur’an
:white_check_mark: Kept Eyes Pure
:white_check_mark: Early Riser - Up by 5 AM
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Watched Educational Videos
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Reading NoPMO Book “The Freedom Model” and Taking Notes
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Intermittent Fasting (21 hours)
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (19.7 km)
:white_check_mark: Exercised at the Gym
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Relaxation
:white_check_mark: Conversations with Loved Ones
:white_check_mark: Phone Call with a NoPMO Brother
:white_check_mark: Supported a Friend
:white_check_mark: Shift at Work (8AM - 4PM)
:white_check_mark: Worked on Online Business
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Gratitude
:white_check_mark: Reflection
:white_check_mark: Recorded Video
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video


Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1


This idea that I’m missing out has been a powerful enemy of mine for a long time. It has been the prevalent thought I’ve used to justify further acting out.

Ever since I was 11 years old, when my mother caught me PMOing and removed my Internet privileges for months, after I got them back and could play games with my siblings and spend time researching weird and wonderful things online again, all I could think about was the pornography I wasn’t allowed to see anymore.

Even in other addictive behaviours - gaming, binge watching TV series and eating junk food - it’s the same thought. If I’m healthy and productive, I feel like I’m missing out, like there’s a party I haven’t been invited to and everyone’s going to talk tomorrow about how much fun it was. Why am I stuck here on this diet and doing all this hard work when I could be having a good time?

It’s the wrong thinking. No one is forcing me to ‘miss out.’ It’s a decision I choose to make because I know the path I’m on now leads to greater happiness and more fulfilment. I am happy and grateful to miss out, I want to miss out, I choose to miss out. What I have now is better than what I could be doing otherwise, and I thank God for that.



Always thank GOD for everything.


8 Likes

when was your birthday, if you don’t mind my asking?

5 Likes

I think you will know soon tf happened with me.
Can we start a seperate topic? Like a challenge between both of us?

I know we both have different struggles in life. But I see the fire in you to actually put in the work.

4 Likes

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 5 - 5th July 2024
Rank: Outcast


Lord, I thank you for deep, meaningful conversations with loved ones.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Prayers
:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Listened to Qur’an Recitation
:white_check_mark: Studying the Qur’an
:white_check_mark: Kept Eyes Pure
:white_check_mark: Early Riser - Up by 6 AM
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Watched Educational Videos
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Reading NoPMO Book “The Freedom Model” and Taking Notes
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Intermittent Fasting (18 hours)
:white_check_mark: Dental Hygiene
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (17 km)
:white_check_mark: Exercised at the Gym
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Relaxation
:white_check_mark: Conversations with Loved Ones
:white_check_mark: Looking after my Family
:white_check_mark: Spent Time with Family
:white_check_mark: Phone Call with a NoPMO Brother
:white_check_mark: Phone Call with Accountability Partner
:white_check_mark: Supported a Friend
:white_check_mark: Shift at Work (8AM - 4PM)
:white_check_mark: Worked on Online Business
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Gratitude
:white_check_mark: Reflection
:white_check_mark: Recorded Video
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video


A colleague at work today asked me how old I was. I told her that I was 29 and she was amazed. So many thoughts were going through her head - why am I working this job when I’m ten years older than her, she would hope to be much further in life by that age and so on. She wasn’t unkind about it at all, but she was right.

At this age, I could have been in a very different place. But my poor decisions in the past led to being here in a low-paying job with colleagues much younger than me who are doing better in life.

But thank GOD, it’s never too late to turn things around. I’m in a good place to set up solid foundations for my 30s and beyond, as long as I put in consistent effort. The main thing to work on right now is to stop worrying about how things could go wrong, how I don’t know enough, thinking I don’t have enough time or energy or money to make changes, and just make a step-by-step plan and put in the work.



Always thank GOD for everything.


I’m still 29 for the time being. I want to keep the date hidden.

30 is a heavy number, but it’s something to be grateful for - to be alive and well. Already I know of multiple classmates who didn’t live this far.

It saddened me to learn you fell again after 90+. Anything I can do to help bro, let me know.

5 Likes

Imagine all of this happening with someone thrice in a span of like 10 months.

But I have to get up, there’s no other choice

4 Likes

You are close to permanent freedom. There are just a few false beliefs holding you back at this point. The fact that you bounced back that much and achieved all of this within a year is impressive. The three streaks I made which passed 90 days were not like yours at all, there was a lot of failure and binging and disappearing from the forum in between. Till now I haven’t got that far since 2021.

You will be free soon. Have no doubt about that. It’s hard to have hope after falling down, especially from a high streak, but if you focus on eliminating the beliefs and reasons that led to the failure, then it was the final lesson needed to be truly successful.

3 Likes

My first 90 day streak came in that year. But since July 2023, I had 3 streaks of 85+ days one being a 130+ day streak.

I was getting annoyed with some of those faces coming back to my memory suddenly then I panicked. It could have been very easily delt with. And the other thing is complacency after reaching the 90 day mark.

3 Likes

No amount of days shield us from going back to PMO. It’s always up to us to make the right choices everyday to remain free. This is why we must break out of the streak mentality. The most important day in our streak is always today.

I’ve spoken to people on 10+ years clean. They still get flashbacks every now and again. They get the odd dream about PMO. They get urges from time to time. We have no need to be afraid of any of these things. They have had all of them and they’ve been clean for years without even a 1 minute peek.

After years of addiction we can’t expect the brain to just delete all memories of PMO, especially when it’s been stored as an extremely high dopaminergic activity. This is why I don’t get all these people who are trying to pretend they never PMOed. Thoughts are guaranteed to happen. The important thing is what we think about when they come. If we are thinking that life is so much better without PMO and we’re glad to be free of it, then those are great thoughts. But if we are wishing we could go back or fearful that we’re still addicted, these thoughts lead to destruction.

The hope for us all is that these people’s lives are so much better. They are happier, healthier, they’ve got better relationships with loved ones and better careers, they have energy to work on their goals and hobbies, they are enjoying life so much now that the temptation to go back to PMO can barely be called that. They aren’t interested in going backwards. They don’t want to lose all the good things they’ve gained.

When we fully believe that our lives will always be better without PMO and that PMO will only ever add more pain, we will be just like them. We will quit permanently too and have no interest in going back.

4 Likes

Now watch what the hell I can do. Thanks a lot for taking time to write an insightful post.

I have been put in a situation where the beast inside of me takes over me.

3 Likes

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 6 - 6th July 2024
Rank: Outcast


Lord, I thank you for new ways of seeing the same situation.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Prayers
:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Studying the Qur’an
:white_check_mark: Plan for the Day
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Intermittent Fasting (20 hours)
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (14.3 km)
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Relaxation
:white_check_mark: Conversations with Loved Ones
:white_check_mark: Household Errands
:white_check_mark: Looking after my Family
:white_check_mark: Spent Time with Family
:white_check_mark: Phone Call with a NoPMO Brother
:white_check_mark: Phone Call with Accountability Partner
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Gratitude
:white_check_mark: Reflection
:white_check_mark: Recorded Video
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video

:crossed_swords: Urges Defeated: 1


Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1


The week went well while I was at work. Productivity was high, I bounced back well from the relapse. That structure and routine is really helpful to me.

But on the weekends it’s easy to allow myself to procrastinate and let laziness take over. The binging habits come back - gaming, TVshows, junk food. Thankfully no PMO.

I want to do better. I want to have a structured routine for weekends too. It’s not fun if you regret it afterwards.



Always thank GOD for everything.


9 Likes

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 7 - 7th July 2024
Rank: Outcast


Lord, I thank you for each new dawn of inspiration.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Prayers
:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Quranic Lecture on Zoom
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Listening to Audiobook
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Intermittent Fasting (14 hours)
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (6.5 km)
:white_check_mark: Looking after My Health
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Gratitude
:white_check_mark: Reflection
:white_check_mark: Recorded Video
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video


Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1


I have an idea that could transform my life and the lives of those around me. This year could be the last year I need to work a job - within the next few months, I can create a business that earns $5 000 a month.

It will take serious work though. It’s absolutely essential that I crack 90+ days again and beyond. The man I am below that isn’t capable of accomplishing what’s necessary for success. I’ll have to work long hours and produce consistent results every day. And once the business is established, no more PMOing either because I wouldn’t be able to maintain it as a binger.

I want to take this opportunity to face my fears and reach a new level. No more holding myself back.



Always thank GOD for everything.


8 Likes

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 8 - 8th July 2024
Rank: Outcast


Lord, I thank you for time well spent.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Prayers
:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Studying the Qur’an
:white_check_mark: Kept Eyes Pure
:white_check_mark: Early Riser - Up by 5 AM
:white_check_mark: Plan for the Day
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Watched Educational Videos
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Reading NoPMO Book “The Freedom Model” and Taking Notes
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Intermittent Fasting (17 hours)
:white_check_mark: Dental Hygiene
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (15.4 km)
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Relaxation
:white_check_mark: Conversations with Loved Ones
:white_check_mark: Phone Calls with NoPMO Brothers
:white_check_mark: Supported a Friend
:white_check_mark: Shift at Work (8AM - 4PM)
:white_check_mark: Worked on Online Business
:white_check_mark: Zoom Call with Business Mentor
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Gratitude
:white_check_mark: Reflection
:white_check_mark: Recorded Video
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video


Consistency is the biggest issue left to tackle. And it’s an issue when my self-image is still one of brokenness and feelings of lack.

I may beat myself up in my head about how I always make the worst decisions and keep self-sabotaging, but that’s not a true description of what’s going on. There are times when I spend hours working on my connection with God, I am attentive and kind to my loved ones, I put energy into my business, I work out and exercise and many other positive activities that advance my life. And there are other times that I choose the bad habits over them - PMO, binge eating junk food, procrastinating through many hours of gaming and watching YouTube or TV shows.

The issue is belief. If I believe that I’m irreparably broken, I will find ways to align my behaviour with that belief. The belief is reinforced even more when I choose to fall after a strong period of productivity and good habits. See, you put in all that work and you’re still the same, you’re a mess. Stop trying to be something you’re not, Backrunner says. If I’m abstinent from PMO yet I believe I’m missing out on it, that’s me believing that PMO will lead to a happier life than abstinence will. And with each passing day, rather than wanting to be free more, Backrunner’s voice is getting louder and louder, telling me that now there’s a whole month worth of new content that I’m missing out on.

The cure is to swap these beliefs for better ones that are truer and lead to greater happiness.

If I were truly so broken, I wouldn’t have changed and grown as much as I have. There was a time I didn’t get to 24 hours clean. I used to binge for ages after a relapse before starting again. I would spend months away from the community before summoning the courage to be open and honest again about my journey. I am capable of change and growth. I can transform my life for the better.

There is no new update that is worth trading my streak for. So many times I’ve listened to Backrunner whispering that some wonderful new video has been posted and I’ll never get to see it, yet when I decide to go back I find only shame and disappointment waiting for me. The last time I relapsed and went to check out the updates, I saw that the industry is only getting sicker and sicker and more twisted, like it wasn’t wicked enough. They are actually self-aware and are making videos mocking people who want to quit watching pornography. I felt so ashamed to have gone back and to find them laughing at me for failing. And even the very best, most enjoyable videos I’ve ever seen, I still wanted to quit and never see them again. I’m missing out by choice - I want to miss out. That is where true happiness lies.



Always thank GOD for everything.


10 Likes

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 9 - 9th July 2024
Rank: Outcast


Lord, I thank you for the belief and hope that change is possible.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Prayers
:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Listened to Qur’an Recitation
:white_check_mark: Studying the Qur’an
:white_check_mark: Early Riser - Up by 5 AM
:white_check_mark: Plan for the Day
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Watched Educational Videos
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Reading NoPMO Book “The Freedom Model” and Taking Notes
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Intermittent Fasting (26 hours)
:white_check_mark: Dental Hygiene
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (15.7 km)
:white_check_mark: Exercised at the Gym
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Relaxation
:white_check_mark: Conversations with Loved Ones
:white_check_mark: Household Errands
:white_check_mark: Conversation with a NoPMO Brother
:white_check_mark: Supported a Friend
:white_check_mark: Shift at Work (7AM - 4PM)
:white_check_mark: Worked on Online Business
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Gratitude
:white_check_mark: Reflection
:white_check_mark: Recorded Video
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video


Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1


It’s so easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to other people. Our family members, our friends, people we grew up with. Social media makes it even worse, now we can easily see 16 year olds who are further ahead in life than we are at 30. It gets demotivating.

But the only person we should be comparing ourselves with is who we used to be. Everyone’s journey is unique; we have different upbringings, various talents and abilities, particular challenges and motivations. I know that I’ve improved in the past year. I’m definitely better than I was 10 years ago. And with daily consistent action I can get my life back on track.



Always thank GOD for everything.


11 Likes

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 10 - 10th July 2024
Rank: Wanderer


Lord, I thank you for second chances.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Prayers
:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Listened to Qur’an Recitation
:white_check_mark: Studying the Qur’an
:white_check_mark: Early Riser - Up by 5 AM
:white_check_mark: Plan for the Day
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Watched Educational Videos
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Reading NoPMO Book “The Freedom Model” and Taking Notes
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Intermittent Fasting (19 hours)
:white_check_mark: Dental Hygiene
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (22.7 km)
:white_check_mark: Exercised at the Gym
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Relaxation
:white_check_mark: Conversations with Loved Ones
:white_check_mark: Phone Call with a NoPMO Brother
:white_check_mark: Phone Call with Accountability Partner
:white_check_mark: Supported a Friend
:white_check_mark: Shift at Work (8AM - 4PM)
:white_check_mark: Worked on Online Business
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Gratitude
:white_check_mark: Reflection
:white_check_mark: Recorded Video
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video


Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1


Reading The Freedom Model is necessary for anyone struggling with an addiction. I’ve read over 10 books on habits and addictions and this book is in a league of its own.

It explains in detail all the reasons why we have struggled to quit in the past and helps us build the mindset necessary for permanent abstinence. It has destroyed so many false beliefs and myths about addiction that I had believed in before.

I can literally feel my mind changing as I read the book. One experience that I’ve had already is that when flashbacks of videos from past PMO sessions pop into my head, the desire to watch that video is gone. There is no pull, no compulsive feeling that I must go and watch that video again. It’s an incredible experience.

I highly encourage everyone to read it. It’s a game-changer.

Download The Freedom Model for Addictions: Escape the Treatment and Recovery Trap by Steven Slate, Mark W Scheeren, Michelle L Dunbar (zoboko.com)



Always thank GOD for everything.


11 Likes

You’re videos are always a joy to watch , everytime I’m feeling low… Easypeasy always🦾

3 Likes

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 11 - 11th July 2024
Rank: Wanderer


Lord, I thank you that pain is temporary.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Studying the Qur’an
:white_check_mark: Early Riser - Up by 5 AM
:white_check_mark: Plan for the Day
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Watched Educational Videos
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (24.5 km)
:white_check_mark: Looking after My Health
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Relaxation
:white_check_mark: Conversations with Loved Ones
:white_check_mark: Looking after my Family
:white_check_mark: Phone Call with a NoPMO Brother
:white_check_mark: Supported a Friend
:white_check_mark: Shift at Work (8AM - 4PM)
:white_check_mark: Worked on Online Business
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video


I want to get my eating habits under control again. I have been gaining weight again.

I have a tendency to drop the positive eating habits along with a PMO relapse. When I relapsed on 30th June, I ate SO MUCH FOOD. And I have struggled to get things back on track since then.

I know how to do it, the issue is there are times that I just don’t care. It’s emotional eating, I’m trying to eat to change how I feel. But just like all this other stuff, I feel worse after I’ve finished eating. It’s not worth doing.

I’m going to stop overeating. It’s not adding any value or benefit to my life, and it makes me feel worse about myself. And it’s easy to slip into other bad habits while in that frame of mind.



Always thank GOD for everything.


@Dean_Ambrose Good to see you again bro, how have things been with you? Hope you’re doing well.

8 Likes

Thank GOD for another day of freedom!



Day 12 - 12th July 2024
Rank: Wanderer


Lord, I thank you for the ability to heal.


Daily Activities:

:white_check_mark: Prayers
:white_check_mark: Time Alone with GOD
:white_check_mark: Studying the Qur’an
:white_check_mark: Early Riser - Up by 6 AM
:white_check_mark: Plan for the Day
:white_check_mark: Listened to Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
:white_check_mark: PMO Recovery Work
:white_check_mark: Reading NoPMO Book “The Freedom Model” and Taking Notes
:white_check_mark: Dose of LSD (Laughter, Singing and Dancing)
:white_check_mark: Intermittent Fasting (25 hours)
:white_check_mark: Dental Hygiene
:white_check_mark: Daily Walking (20.3 km)
:white_check_mark: Cold Shower
:white_check_mark: Visited the Barbershop
:white_check_mark: Looking after my Health
:white_check_mark: Taking Vitamins and Supplements
:white_check_mark: Listened to Uplifting Music
:white_check_mark: Relaxation
:white_check_mark: Conversations with Loved Ones
:white_check_mark: Looking after my Family
:white_check_mark: Spent Time with Family
:white_check_mark: Conversation with a NoPMO Brother
:white_check_mark: Shift at Work (8AM - 12PM)
:white_check_mark: Learning Video Editing
:white_check_mark: Journaling
:white_check_mark: Gratitude
:white_check_mark: Reflection
:white_check_mark: Recorded Video
:white_check_mark: Edited and Uploaded Video


Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1


I didn’t feel great physically today, but mentally I was grateful. In the past, I would use feeling unwell as an excuse to lie in bed, scrolling so I could “accidentally” find something. It was too easy to go to PMO to try to feel better emotionally.

I’m grateful to no longer have that mindset. I know that PMO will never make me feel better emotionally. It’s not worth it.



Always thank GOD for everything.


8 Likes

Thos backgrounds look insane :skull: where are you wandering :joy: let me also join

5 Likes

How do you decide the rank?

3 Likes

I think he’s referring to the badges in the Rewire Companion app.

1 Like