[~30M] Forerunner's Diary - Ascension to Greatness 🙇🏾

Forerunner · March 30, 2024, 10:43am

Day 71 - 29th March 2024
Rank: Scholar

Daily Activities:

Prayers
Listened to Qur’an Recitation
Studying the Qur’an
Plan for the Day
Listened to Motivational Content
Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
Watched Educational Videos
Islamic + Intermittent Fasting (23 hours)
Ate Healthy Meal
Dental Hygiene
Daily Walking (20.3 km)
Looking after My Health
Taking Vitamins and Supplements
Mindful Breathing
Relaxation
Conversations with Loved Ones
Household Errands
Looking after my Family
Spent Time with Family
Conversation with a NoPMO Brother
Phone Call with Accountability Partner
Supported a Friend
Journaling
Gratitude
Reflection
Worked on YouTube Channel
Recorded Video
Edited and Uploaded Video

Urges Defeated: 2

Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1

Today, my mother told me about our family’s financial situation. I must earn an extra 25% every month to help out.

When she informed me, my heart was beating fast. I was afraid. Where can I get that money from? I am in debt and living paycheck to paycheck. My money barely lasts through the month, and now I need to earn even more.

In the past, an experience like this would have been enough to self-sabotage. It’s uncomfortable feeling like that. I would have run away from my problems, binged on junk food and likely started peeking. But I went for a walk and calmly assessed the situation. I still have a few weeks before I need to start providing that money to my mother. A lot can change in a few weeks if I work hard. And God willing, I will, and my efforts will bear fruit. Whatever it takes, I’ll find a way.

The world won’t stop and give us time to sort our lives out. Life goes on, and new challenges arise. It’s important that we’re moving forward every day, or else we’re getting left behind.

Alhamdulillah for everything.

Nerbo · March 30, 2024, 8:03pm

I was in a similar situation, last year July. There were things to be taken care of at my home and it was all a very desperate situation. Then, I remember writing an Urdu couplet on a piece of paper and sticking it to the wall, when I sat down to apply for jobs. Those who are in India know that the job market is very fragile and squeezed now, more than ever. Unhinged capitalism has broken the back of the populace and people are living under debts, on pensions and such limited resources that it will be called bare survival. While some are earning super-duper money and they have to take investment classes to take care of that excess money they have. Inequality at its best and in such a populated country as India, it means a looming hunger crisis and an unsaid famine gripping the country. Anyway, the couplet that I wrote and stuck on the wall might really provide you with some energy as well, although you already have dealt with the first level i.e. responding to crisis so well. The couplet was -

Mere junoo.n ka nateeja zaroor niklega
Isi siyaah samandar se noor niklega

Translation -
Definitely, my insane spirit will bear fruits
From this very dark sea the white light will erupt

InshaAllah you will not only solve the crisis but will also have enough to spend on you and your family members. Life will be good, at least financially and you won’t have anything to worry about. Of course, there will be other issues but money will not be one of those. Will pray for you Brother definitely. Just keep going and everything will be fine.

yeagerist · March 30, 2024, 11:16pm

Keep doing your best brother. Life is tough but so are you. praying the best for you.

StrongHealthyMan · March 31, 2024, 1:58am

Forerunner · March 31, 2024, 1:28pm

Day 72 - 30th March 2024
Rank: Scholar

Daily Activities:

Prayers
Listened to Qur’an Recitation
Studying the Qur’an
Plan for the Day
Listened to Motivational Content
Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
Recommitted to Abstinence
Watched Educational Videos
Islamic + Intermittent Fasting (24 hours)
Prepared Healthy Meal
Dental Hygiene
Daily Walking (25.6 km)
Looking after My Health
Taking Vitamins and Supplements
Mindful Breathing
Relaxation
Conversations with Loved Ones
Household Errands
Looking after my Family
Spent Time with Family
Conversation with a NoPMO Brother
Phone Call with Accountability Partner
Phone Call with Business Partner
Learning about Online Business
Journaling
Gratitude
Reflection
Recorded Video
Edited and Uploaded Video

Urges Defeated: 6

Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1

I allowed my emotions to get the better of me today. While lying in bed early in the morning, I checked out an unsafe movie. I didn’t see anything, but I very likely could have. I put myself in a dangerous situation. I don’t want to go back to PMO. I want to be clean. I’m not missing out on anything, I don’t need to see movies that aren’t safe for me. Doing that lead to stronger urges, and I started browsing YouTube looking for something to excite me.

I spoke on the phone to my accountability partner, and he advised me to watch my Day Zero and see how far I’ve come in the past 2 months. I don’t want to throw that away. I said Never again and I MEANT IT.

I prostrated myself to God and recommitted to abstinence. I went to pray in the mosque and listened to a Qur’an recitation. I watched some NoPMO videos, including my own and reminded myself of why I never want to turn backwards.

Everything is at stake. My faith, my family, my friends, my finances, my future, my health, my hobbies, my goals and hopes and dreams. I know what it looks like if I turn backwards. I would disappear for months again, binging like an animal. I’d regain the weight I’ve been working so hard to lose. I’d be letting down myself and those around me again.

It was a lesson today, a wakeup call. I have done very well at withstanding temptation when my mood isn’t poor. But a man’s true test of character is during the heat of battle. During the storm. When things are challenging, how will I perform? I can’t allow any emotion to drag me back to hell. If I feel anxious now and worried about the future, things will only be much worse as an addict again.

For now, the journey is still clean, and I will keep it that way. No pornography, no masturbation. I wanted it to be search free as well, but I can take comfort in the fact that I held myself back from crossing the line and throwing everything away.

Alhamdulillah for everything.

@Nerbo @yeagerist @StrongHealthyMan Thank you brothers, I appreciate your support.

Nerbo · March 31, 2024, 1:47pm

Just saw your video. And I do see the problem that hits each one of us. Aimlessly picking our phones. Our phones and aimless usage of the phone is the most terrible of our mistakes. This literally sucks the life out of resistance. When we don’t know why the phone is in our hands, most probably, we will end up hitting wrong things and ending up at wrong places.

Forerunner · March 31, 2024, 1:48pm

@Nerbo You’re absolutely right brother. We have to be more intentional in how we make use of these devices. Using a smartphone absent-mindedly is not very smart.

prince_king · March 31, 2024, 1:51pm

It’s ok if our phone is in our hands for games and entertainment as long as we know it doesn’t messes with our work/study schedule.

But just picking it up to do mindless scrolling and wandering in the depths of weird internet places is the biggest reason we end up peeking and then we get a feel is our streak clean or not and then the inevitable happens.

Biggest reason for me falling in a loop.

Forerunner · April 1, 2024, 10:35am

Day 73 - 31st March 2024
Rank: Scholar

Daily Activities:

Prayers
Listened to Qur’an Recitation
Studying the Qur’an
Plan for the Day
Listened to Motivational Content
Listened to NoPMO Motivational Content
Watched Educational Videos
Reading NoPMO Book “The Freedom Model” and Taking Notes
Islamic + Intermittent Fasting (24 hours)
Dental Hygiene
Daily Walking (14.8 km)
Cold Shower
Looking after My Health
Taking Vitamins and Supplements
Listened to Uplifting Music
Mindful Breathing
Relaxation
Conversations with Loved Ones
Household Errands
Conversation with a NoPMO Brother
Conversation with Accountability Partner
Journaling
Gratitude
Reflection
Worked on YouTube Channel
Recorded Video
Edited and Uploaded Video

Urges Defeated: 8

Adverse Events:

Involuntary Ejaculations: 1

Alhamdulillah for everything.

Doncarlo · April 2, 2024, 7:12am

Forerunner Routine
Wake up > Defeat Urges > Sleep > Repeat

prince_king · April 5, 2024, 5:39pm

I wonder how you get 8 urges at even day 73.

I got few urges around day 2-3 now it’s gone. My CS is 7 days btw

Doncarlo · April 5, 2024, 11:53pm

Bro it’s been 5 days, you haven’t updated here i hope everything is fine

Nep_12 · April 6, 2024, 2:38am

Get rid of your instagram, and for YouTube just get digital detox.

I personally think that video games are a big waste of time as well. But your choice.

prince_king · April 6, 2024, 2:43am

I don’t use it.

Can’t uninstall it plus it’s useful too.

It isn’t as long as you know when and how much to use it. Or if you have a good alternative like physical sports but when you wanna chill, physical sports can get you tired.

I see besides your username, so happy birthday

Nep_12 · April 6, 2024, 2:50am

I said this

But if it’s useful then you can use laptop and turn off shorts. Or alternatively make a gmail account where you do only work and no entertainment.

Don’t pollute that account by watching some entertainment on it. Algorithms won’t recommend you things that you don’t watch.

Thanks.

prince_king · April 6, 2024, 3:38am

It doesn’t recommend anything to me because my watch history is off.

But ya, it does have weird search results a lot of time. That’s why scrolling a lot is dangerous in YouTube.

prince_king · April 7, 2024, 4:43pm

Fxckkkkkk how tf it happened.
I really screamed a curse word very loud when I saw the companion’s section and saw your relapse. If my roomate was there he would have listened it.

You did well bro. As long as you don’t fall into chaser you can make a terrific comeback.

All it takes is one thought to save and also to destroy a streak. Take it in positive way like one thought can make me go beyond and never look back. You have reached the final stage of fighting this addiction and you can do it, don’t lose hope.

Because you were my hope when I was down and out. Can’t see a hero down there, get up everyone is supporting you.

Nerbo · April 7, 2024, 4:46pm

Maybe that image and scrolling after that movie actress did the job. Sometimes images and pixels can last in our brain for a long time and they can really affect us long after they are gone.

prince_king · April 7, 2024, 4:48pm

It’s all in the mind. You know how tough it was for me, better than anyone. If I can do it, this guy is 4x stronger than me, he’s going to kill it and I have no second thoughts about it.

Nerbo · April 7, 2024, 4:50pm

Definitely he will. He will come back stronger. We must await his return.