[~30M] Forerunner's Diary - Ascension to Greatness 🙇🏾

[Forerunner]

Together we will succeed by God’s Grace.

[Forerunner]

Another day. Thank God.

I spent the day with friends. We watched a show on Netflix, then went outside, took a long walk and reminisced about old school days. It was a fun, easy day. No time for dark thoughts.

I looked at my calendar today and saw how many relapses have occurred this year. There were 0 in December 2018, 7 in January, 7 in February, 10 in March, 11 in April, 6 in May, and 5 this month. It really put things in perspective. The key is to look at that 0 in December. If it’s possible for me to have a clean month, I can have a clean year, a clean decade, a clean life.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 16.

[Forerunner]

Thank GOD for another day!

I’ve been so busy today. I’d about 2 hours’ sleep - not good, but I’ll survive the one time - then I worked a 12 hour shift as security at a festival. Afterwards, I had a meeting with friends to discuss our finances and ways to make more money. I still managed to burn over 450 calories in there somehow.

I keep hearing it again and again from people with longer streaks and successful rebooters - be so involved with making a better life for yourself that you have no time to think about urges. It really works!

I finally decided to join that 300 Spartans WhatsApp group. Boy…they weren’t kidding about being Spartans. There are so many reasons why I don’t want to relapse ever again, but to add another one, I don’t want to get roasted by that group - they are savage! I can feel that this group will help me even more in my journey.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 17.

[Forerunner]

Thank GOD for another day!

Happy that I accomplished quite a bit today. I also finished listening to the audiobook of How to Stop Worrying and Start Living by Dale Carnegie. INCREDIBLE book. I thank God that I came across it; it’s changed my mindset so much when it comes to worry and stress. Life is much easier when you’re not crying over split milk.

I also started my friend’s 6 week six-pack abs workout program for exercise. Man, it was such a poor start! I struggled with the exercises and I didn’t finish the workout for today. But a wise man once said that something worth doing is worth doing poorly until you get it right. I’m committed to keeping going and get in shape God willing. A poor start is better than no start. That consistency in daily accomplishment will also help me rebuild my self-esteem, along with the added bonus of liking what I see in the mirror more.

I felt a bit sad to find out that I’m not on good terms with a female friend of mine. It can be hard to understand what women want sometimes. But it is what it is. I’ll do my best to make things better and hopefully they improve, but if not I’ve learned a valuable lesson about how to maintain friendships I care about.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 19.

[Aragorn]

Am so so happy for you brother. You are doing absolutely fantabulous.

I also have strated the same audiobook. It seems a good one. I don’t usually listen to audio books. I prefer reading one. But since you have recommended I started this one. First impressions: Very nice. That guys’ voice is also soothing.

Thanks for recommending this one bro. And Keep the streak high.

[BoomerangNebula]

I like your spirit!!!
Keep shining and inspiring

[Forerunner]

Thank you my brother. And glad to hear you like the book so far!

Yeah, I love to read physical books as well, but it had been a long time since I properly picked one up. That PMO addiction…it removed my desire for things I actually enjoy doing like reading and told me reading is a chore. I could trick my brain by saying it’s just YouTube you’re on, or it’s just an MP3, and make progress by listening to audiobooks. I’m making the transition back to the hard copies I enjoy.

I’ll keep going by God’s Grace.

[Forerunner]

Thank you very much my friend!

I’ll continue to improve with GOD’s Help.

[anon67854825]

You’re a fine man!
May the Holy Spirit - the paraclete keep working wonders through you, helping others
Thanks be to God alone and always.

[Forerunner]

Thank you brother - your words are a blessing to me!

Glory be to God Alone, forever and always.

[Forerunner]

Thank GOD for another day!

Today was a good day. Yesterday, I felt a bit of what I think was a flatline - whatever I did, my mood remained low, even though I had little reason to be in a low mood. But today that feeling was gone.

My confidence has been shining through these days. During PMO, you wouldn’t know I’m an extroverted person. I would always slink off and hide away from any interaction; for some reason I felt like everyone could see what I’ve done and were silently judging me. But even with 20 days under my belt I’m having a grand old time making friends with ease and sharing jokes with complete strangers. Attraction from women is real, and though I’m celibate until marriage, it’s a self-esteem boost to know the search for a wife won’t be as hard as I’ve felt in the past. PMO can make you feel very unattractive!

I completed my abs workout for today. Feeling good about that. I also had a shift today, so that helped keep me busy.

Once again, perhaps for the seventh time, I’ve started this Power over Pornography course by Brian Brandenburg. GOD willing, I completely see it through to the end this time.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 20.

[Forerunner]

Thank GOD for another day!

Another low mood day, but thank God, I made the most of it.

My abs are still burning from.the workout earlier. My younger brother goes to the gym 6 days a week and he told me he wouldn’t want to do this workout himself! He said I should definitely see results after 6 weeks. From here, the end of 6 weeks would be day 60, a nice treat. I will take each day as it comes and do my best, GOD willing I will make it.

I watched BrainHeartWorld, a documentary which came out in November 2018 about the effects of pornography on individuals, relationships and society at large. The stories were so emotional and enough to make one cry. It’s so sad to see the damage that this addiction has caused. I pray we all find our own way out of this darkness.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 21.

[Forerunner]

Thank GOD for another day!

It’s amazing how much things can turn around with a positive change in attitude. My finances are getting healthier by the day. Thank God; I received a tax rebate on Friday.which gave me a much needed boost. I’m starting up a cleaning business with a friend of mine, and I’m also looking into dropshipping. Financial independence is important in living a fulfilling life. When I’m not concerned about my financial state, I’ll have more time to focus on developing myself.

I finished the first week of my 6 week abs workout program. Starting again tomorrow, God willing. 5 weeks to go. Exercise really does help, even if it hurts!

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 24.

[Forerunner]

Thank GOD for another day!

For some reason, I’ve felt really tired these past few days. I can have 10 hours of sleep and still feel like I need much more. I don’t want to sleep the day away; there’s so much I want to do! All in good time - I’ll make a habit of being energised with less sleep and accomplishing more each day, GOD willing.

I’ve not done my exercises yet for today, I’ve been putting them off. No one is forcing me to do them. I’ve gone months barely doing any exercise. But I’ll choose to do them to improve my health and wellbeing, physically and mentally; to be happy when I look in the mirror and to get in the habit of being consistent, having integrity and accomplishing what I set out to do.

As part of my Power over Pornography course, I’ve researched the negative effects of viewing pornography and the positive effects of living a PMO-free life. Honestly, if we could have such a list firmly burned into our brains, we would never relapse. But our brains constantly move towards short-term gratification, forgetting all the horrible things the addiction has done to us in the past. Reviewing them regularly will give me strength to walk a new path.

Here’s my refined list:

Negative Consequences of Viewing and Doing:

1. It hindered my spiritual progress, my relationship with GOD, and was a rebellion against His Plan for my life.
2. It stopped me from pursuing my dreams, goals, hobbies and success in this life and the Hereafter.
3. It led to struggles with my self-esteem, my relationships, my career and my finances.
4. It made me disinterested in good relationships with family and friends and killed love with lies and deception.
5. It fueled anxiety, depression, loneliness and self-loathing, and caused deep shame, regret and social isolation.

Positive Consequences of Living a Loving Life:

1. I am overjoyed and spiritually accomplished after experiencing true repentance and drawing nearer to GOD.
2. I am completely transformed for the better in all aspects of my life.
3. I only see women as people to be loved, and have no interest in unclean imagery and sexual perversion.
4. My motivation to achieve legendary goals and change history has increased tenfold.
5. My confidence, self-respect and integrity are renewed, and I am happy with where my life is heading.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 25.

[Forerunner]

Hahaha! Why was I postponing that workout?! It felt great!

Just goes to show that it’s what we perceive as uncomfortable that holds the greatest capacity to change and improve our lives.

Thank GOD!

[Sacred]

Just getting back into working out today. Hope it goes well. Wish me luck! Glad to see you’re doing well. God bless you brother.

[Forerunner]

Best of success with working out! Likewise brother, GOD bless you. I pray you are well also.

[BoomerangNebula]

Don’t look back!
Keep going

[Forerunner]

Thank you brother! I’ll keep looking forward!

[Forerunner]

Thank GOD for another day!

Yeah…the oversleeping has got to stop. I slept close to 14 hours today I was still tired. Too much to do; I can’t live a full day in 10 hours. Exercises suffered as a result, I didn’t complete them. Lesson for the future: complete my exercises first thing.

I had a good conversation with my close friend and AP today. We laughed at the ridiculous things our brains say to get us to go back to PMO. I’ve made so many excuses in the past, and justified it by saying “I’ll enjoy it one more time, and then no more for life. Life is a long time, you know.” It’s never been an enjoyable experience in its entirety. In truth, the deep shame and regret comes back the second after climax is reached. The most pleasure comes from the anticipation of that supposed favorite video or search for the newest release.

I wrote up a new vision for myself which I’ll bring to mind each time the urges come:

With reverence and honor, I joyously glorify GOD as I advance daily and achieve my goals in health, wealth, love and happiness. I feel deep love for GOD, myself and those around me, and I boldly express this love with enthusiasm, laughter, vitality and presence with my family and friends. With peace of mind and clarity, I become the man I’ve always wanted to be, by GOD’s Grace.

Always thank GOD for everything.

Day 27.