Today, the pain of relapsing brought tears to my eyes. I can really feel the difference between the benefits I experienced before and how I am now.
I met a beautiful, intelligent woman yesterday. I was so awkward, I couldn’t maintain eye contact, my jokes were strange…it was a mess. I still had enough confidence to start a conversation, but I could see that I was seriously lacking compared to a few weeks ago. I don’t want to be in that position again - how will I ever meet someone if I can’t even talk to her?
Life is much better when we’re engaged in meaningful activities. I don’t want to spend much longer not being productive. I want to make a plan of how I’m going to spend my time. I’ve learned the hard way that I can’t just pass time and wait for 90 days to come around.
It’s okay to relapse, I also masturbated 9 days ago. The thing is, you are gonna come down to the mountain many times that’s inevitable. So till you reach the top, just enjoy the whole journey. Best of luck, you will succeed my friend:bouquet:
@Oggyboi08 Thank you, my friend. I was speaking to my friends today and they told me I need to be less hard on myself.
One quote was to “love myself as I would my best friend.” If my best friend relapsed - he actually did not too long ago - I wouldn’t beat down on him or shame him, but I’d encourage him to learn from his mistakes and come back stronger again.
It’s possible. We can do this. It’s not over until we win.
Today I finally forgave myself for relapsing. That was the longest I’ve ever gone clean since I first found P when I was 11. No edging, no peeking…progress was made, and lessons were learnt which I can take with me. I can learn from that failure and use that knowledge to free myself of the desire to PMO. And I can be happy that I didn’t binge. I’ve come a long way since the time I could barely manage 48 hours.
I’m grateful to have friends to discuss this with, both on and offline. It’s so encouraging to know I’m not alone. And to see people that have made it to 90 days and beyond reminds me that it’s possible.
Today I finished reading The Porn Trap: The Essential Guide to Overcoming Problems caused by Pornography. Very insightful book written by therapists who help clients everyday with this addiction. One important thing for me to bear in mind is that this is a lifelong battle, but it gets easier with every success. It was so refreshing to read stories of people who have been free for years without as much as an unclean Google search. They say when urges come to them, they brush the urges away in seconds. They live lives that are so much better that they had before, that they don’t entertain the thought of going back. I pray I reach that level with time.
todo es por el bienestar de uno yo descubri la M desde los 14 años dede entonces no e parado tengo 27 años y ya es suficiente para mejorar mi vida… voy en el dia 5 todo esto es poco a poco gracias por haber personas como yo que quieran terminar con PMO
@MacMorrow We’ve both had a problem with PMO for 13 years. Yes, like you said, the important thing is that we are working to stop it now. Every day, we improve a little and better our lives. The rest of our lives can be so much better once we overcome this addiction. And we’re in the right place to fight this with this community.
Another day down. I’ve noticed that my work from last time isn’t completely gone - it’s easier to get back on track. My confidence is slowly returning. I met quite a few new people today and I think I did alright.