[28 M] a TryHards Easy Peasy Way ;)

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Hey there dear readers :wink:

i am Sir_Tryhard.
i am a recovering Pornaddict.
i am a man of many words… :tongue: you have been warned!
i am not big on spelling and grammar acuracy :sweat_smile: again you have been warned

  • how ever i do apreciate the effort if you show me my mistakes :slight_smile:

up until today i have been using/watching Porn for around 15 years. I have considerd myself an addict for 4 years. and my life went for a nose dive as my addiction got worse and i noticed that i am addicted. I have been walking the NoFAP way for around 2 maybe 3 years and my last real streak was 84 days. Most of my streaks used to be 2-4 days but after i commited for the first time to nofap (may 2021) i average around a week but that escalates due to chaser effect and is not pretty and goes sth like that:


hence i simply want to quit for good!
I am here now so to keep the current streak going : from 6.11.2021 - :infinity:
.
There are quite a view ways to achieve them and i have tried some, by far not all. your posts reminded me that sometimes one hast to start from the very beginning.

And this is what i am here to do.

I realy enjoy the authenticity and kindness people show arround this forum. And i want do do my share.

I will do most of my thinking and processing publicly. you are very welcome to join me.
My goal is to go through the 90 days rewiring period and stay on track for the rest of my life.
As i go along i will protocol all the efforts i make so that others may learn from my experiences and have an easier path to follow when they abandon their addiction.

the main tool i decide to use (for now) is “The Easy Peasy Way” (by not Allen Carr → Fraser Patterson) here is the audio file

i will go through each chapter and comment the information that seems most important to me and how i am planing to apply this in a practical sense.

My current Status:
1. What are my current challanges
  • Bachelors Thesis:
    i am currently writing my Bachelors Thesis and the process in incredibly frustrating. i am not fond of accurate writing. I have a really ahrd time dealing with my mistakes and facing errors of the past. the entire process is gruesome to me but i finally want to finish my curses and become a grwon memeber of society completly selfsuficcient and independend
    *therefore i strive to work daily on my thesis so that i can finish it in 2021

  • Work
    i work part time for an IT company i do research and compile data for presentations and wikis so my CEO has slides to choose and up to date information. i enjoy this work but iam not sure whether i will continue working in this field after finishing my studies

    • hence i am searching for new jobs
    • qunatifying my qualifications
    • and working on discovering & developing my strengths
  • Depression
    due to my addicitons and propably a bunch of other reasons i am fighting depression… so yeah i can relate to flat lines, low self esteem, self hate etc. etc. etc.

  • f****** COVID → as a student and a Partitimer Corona significantly reduced my social contact and there fore responsabilites and availability of a support network… you guys can propably relate xD so yeah I am also compensating this.

* **Addiciton(s)** xD yep "s
  • first of all PMO
    after all sadly that is why we all ended up here (casual trolls excepted) xD
    as stated above - i am done with this destructive habit- saddly it is not done with me

    • my specific issues are

    • fantasies - i am very sensitve to visual and audible triggers → and they tend to lea to daydreaming of some sensual adventures… that sucks when you want to keep the streak going… so i knida want to have one of these
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    • stress - i have a really habbit of fapping when stressing/ beeing overwhelmed → not exactly a healthy way of dealing with emotions but well… i conditioned my self from a young age and yep now i am grown up and elarning better ways to handle myself → when i am understress PMO used to be my “go to coping behaviour/tool” it is not anymore (at least partially)

    • passion/intimacy since PMO is tied to sex and intimancy we are all basicaly screwed in that area -.-^ in my case i am a very sensual / passioante person and sadly my girldfreind and i went our seperate ways . since we ahd very diffrent longterm goals… so here goes my sexlife xD and therefore my sexual intimacy a major outlet for my creativity authenticity and experimentation… my ex certainly was a keeper but well it did not work out hence i am kinda high maintence and ahve an aversion to tinder etc… i want a deep and genuine connection which is dificult to get in these stupid covid times especially when a lot of hobby locations are shut down or running on with reduced capacities so it is pretty difficult to meet promising girls that can keep up emotionally and physically + my baggage of all that you can read here :slight_smile: - i am not big on faking and pretending so i am an aquired taste xD. why is this such a bis issue for me. you can propably realte but the thing is i always had a lot of female friends and i took hugging, deep talks and advice/opinon exchanges for granted… well my ex is the jealous type and i cut off most of those contacts and it is hard to keep them up now that we have not had contact for 4 years or longer so yeah… i had an utlet with my ex but now i do not - well i obviously still ahve female freinds but not in a physical viccinity and platonic relationships are only satisfying to that degree… so dating will… at somepoint will be a topic -.-^
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  • Reading/Watching Manga/Anime and other enterntainment sources
    yep i am one of those hentai weirdos :sob: i am not proud of it and that is one of the reasons i want to quit. since i like Anime/Manga/Manhwa/LigthNovels that is a large chunk of my formaly prefered hobby that is prone to sexual stimulus especially with the increase of ecchi content-.-^ this sucks there for currently i am abstaining from all of the above

  • Gaming
    well luckily my Gaming PC broke down so no more Mass Effect/ Dragon Age and other RPG´s lcukily i ahve my gaminf addiction relatively under control but it still pops up especially when i am on a flatline with a higher NOFAP streak -.- so i need to be aware of that tendency

  • last but definetly not least: People:
    due to my low sense of self esteem and other issues* - which will propably pop up in the topic below. i am getting a realy high from interacting with people this has been quite benefically to me in uni but it has its draw backs e.g. a lack of focus on my personal goals and assertiveness etc. thats why i am currently still learning how to manage my relationships ans social interactions e.g. i have been spending way to much time on this site in the last coupel of days xD - > but as long as it is benefical hurray
    so i am an atention whore but i am am searching for a way to dial that down, if i overstep in any way pls do me a favor and tell me i will take kindly to it and not be offended… i am still learning to cope with all of this stuff

i know that there are quite a few of you here with far bigger issues than i have i do not want to complain this is jsut part of my process of understanding what is currently going on and what needs to be done to turn ym life around:) i would be glad if you had some patience with me

so these are the challanges i am currently facing probably you can realte with one or more of these if so maybe reading about i how ia am ahndling myself could help you on you journey or maybe you want to help me on mine :slight_smile: it would be great if both would be the case :slight_smile:

2. How do i cope with my challanges
  • i am obviously abstaining from PMO
  • i have limited my Gaming time to 1 hour a day and have currently no issue to stay below that marker
  • i do not start any new Manga/books etc. and stick with the current weskly updates if i need some distraction from my urges or a pick me up in a flatline
  • people in my imediate enviornment know about my issues but they themselves ahve more selfdiscipline or have healtheir coping habbits hence they do notahve such a hard time dealing with any of this situation
  • i am currently working on Implementing the [GTD method] for time management to prevent my self from overworking and getting overwhelmed by all the things i want to do :slight_smile:
  • i came to this forum to systematically apply everything i ahve learned in the past 2 years and start anew
  • i have opened an introduction thread and started the search for likeminded accountability partners
  • i am currently commited to writing atleast one post or writing in my personal diary to prevent myself from relapsing
3. Other notes and usefull links

there will be stuff here … i just do not know what yet…
so here is sth cute to look at while iam figuring out what
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oh yeah and if you are currently here for a distraction you could definelty check out the NOFAPING Poets Society :wink: maybe you could also share some of your inspiration or vent your frustration!

well this kinda got out of hand :sweat_smile:
ty for reading
keep your streaks going

bests
Sir_Tryhard

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Good choice of starting a diary soon
Good luck to you too brother
Lets do this together
All the best :zap::100:

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***Chapter 1*** Introduction

dificulties with quitting PMO are all about fear and removing fear.
The EPW is painless and does not need willpower.
It is all about replacing and growing out of addiction.
→ a change of perspective

  • PMO introduction → Porn Masturbation Orgasm
    → addicts do not choose to use porn!
    → we were curious, inexpirenced and had a lack of knowledge about the consequences, that lead to the consumption of porn
    → PMO is an aquired coping behaviour for difficult/stressfull situations e.g. work stress, self doubt, fights, or even boredom etc…
    → even though this addiction is developed we actively choose to keep engaging with it
    • this choice is rooted in our fear of discomfort/misery

Outcomes Of Porn

Irrational beliefs
Masturbation or sex leading to orgasm is the only and most important thing in life.

•Porn is ’safer’ than real-life sex because porn can’t reject me.
•Porn is educative and useful.
•Entitlement to a ’superior’ sex experience.
•More is always better.

these beliefs introduce us to resulting consequences/deductions about the world

Irrational consequnces

•Worshipping and obsessing when a ’perfect 10/10’ is found.
•Perceiving yourself as a loser if you miss out on sex, as if it’s the most important thing in the human
experience.
•Holding out for a perfect 10.
•Being excessively judgmental and critical of prospective partners.
•Forcing yourself to have sex whether you want it or not.

Self Rape
it is rape to force someone to sexual interactions without consent
hence, the act of our mind forcing our body to masturbate can be seen as self rape…
→ e.g. if our body is tired but we stilll want PMO,
→ we have fear of a night full of urges due to lack of MO,
→ fear of decreased performance (focus etc.) due to a lack of MO,
→ fear off beeing an addict for the rest of ones life.

porn is designed to keep one addicted to it. The very mechanisms of PMO keep people trapped, it is not an active dcision to keep on consuming porn
BUT
quitting PMO is an active decision. There is no cost for quitting PMO

My Take on the Introduction

There is an easy way to quit porn. i do not have to force myself to willfully do anything this only sets me up for long term Failure.

  • i admitt to beeing an addict i ahve the symptoms of addcition

  • i want to let go of this addiction and i actively choose steps to do that

  • i am aqutually reminded of how i am abusing my self with PMO how i force myself even when i am tired stressed or anxious to do sth that is bad for my body and makes me feel worse afterwards.
    the words self rape are very harsh but they strike a chord within me i might use it in the future

  • i want to sensitice myself to my (Irrational) beliefs and their consequnces
    later today or tomorrow evening

best regards and ty for reading

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lately i have been on the up and down.
on the one hand my PMO journey is going great since i have a good mindset against relapsing but the other areas of my life demand constand work and i am not doing as good as i would like to. Due to that access pressure i tend to think more about PMO or my other addictions as in → Gaming, Reading, Manga…

it is jsut to much to manage all of that but i with time i will manage.
i want to life a fullfilled life and even though i am curently struggling to comprehend what that is will atleast focus on keeping the process/way towards achieving this goal neat, selfloving and aware… i really need to workout my priorities… i know how to do that but the process is uncomfortable and i have been using to much of my addictive behavior to prevent my self from facing my uncomfortable reality.

well that is what i am here for and what i will be doing when ever my urges hit and i have the feeling that i can not be productive anyway xD i will write sth here and work though my developed processes, questions and skills to increase my selfawareness and hence i work towards an enjoyable life :wink:

first of all i have been feeling quite lost and aimless the last few days so here are a few goals i want to work on from today on.

Goals WIP
1. Psychological process goals
  • An Analysis of my life goals
  • An Analysis of my core values
  • Learning and applying better goal and time management techniques
  • increasing awareness of and reducing addictive behaviours
    • Abstinence from PMO
    • Abstinence from PC/Mobile Gaming
  • Reduced reading time for Manga/fantasy books define and apply
  • integration of healthy habbits in to my daily/weekly/monthly life
    • exercise abs/core morning
    • exercie back morning or evening
    • maybe join some kind of sports group?
    • learning lockpicking as an alternative for reading PMO stories etc…
  • increasing and stabilizing my perceived selfworth
  • detaching my selfworth from work, acheivements and others oppinions
  • developent and adaption of constructive emoitonal coping mechanism
    • dealing woht ovrwhleming emotions in a situation
    • processing emotions after overwheling situations
  • developing foucs on longterm and process goals instead of short term gratification
  • enjoy the process of self growth
2. Physical/material goals
  • finishing my Bachelor thesis
  • having a high daily performance in my job
  • learning about financial independence
  • applying the GTD methodology across the board in my daily life
3. learning goals & projects
  • developing a coaching/growing practice/mtehod that helps me and interested others
  • finding a way to increase peoples awareness to their own physical and emotional circumstances → app or social media or awarenss campain ?
  • learning python
  • learning chinese
  • improving my russian
  • improving dancing (Salsa, Bachata, Kizumba, standard, shuffeling & jumpstyle
  • learning lockpicking
  • learn drawing
  • learn new origami
  • learn more about poetry
  • participate in the theatre piece in january

these were just a few goals that popped up when wrting this… the lsit will propably grow and i migth tkae it into onenote but since i am an attention whore and love to discuss here is a public version.

the first rule of change is to keep it steady and measure the acheivement of goals thorugh smaller milestones.
i inkow myself and my mind to some degree.
i can not possibly impelent practices toa chieve all my goals asap. rather i will buidl them up ovr time.

currently my highest priority is to get bakc on track in my private life!

this means

  1. using the GTD method to track all my tasks and projects on a faily basis!
  2. chekcing on my emotioanl wellbeeing on a daily basis
  3. getting rid of my addictions
  4. keeping my working times even though i get frustrated or distraced so that i keep up with my responsability and time changes.

curent regimen:
4 hours of work per day
2 hours Bachelor thesis per day
exercises every day after waking up
processing the past day in the evening and palning for the next
collecting all inforamtion according to the GTD method

that is already quite abit but this should keep me going so that i can deal with the basics of my daily life

ty for inspiration @Samaranjay @risinglion123 @_TIGER @immortal227 @someBody13 @Aoshigreen @2004 @Vortexkicker @alphadude

and i ran out oif mentions…

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Always happy to help. Have a great day :smiley::smiley:

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continued from above:
@Chelsea_Burnett, @ChristianMan, @prothekter_aden, @slave_of_allah @STORY_OF_A_GREAT_LOSER and many more xD

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I’m actually honored.

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Damn, you’re 28!! Hope you all the best for the life ahead👍
I did read that you had a writing disorder, no probs even I used to sweat on my hands a lot.
Even I studied psychology as a subject for 2 years, good luck for you thesis!!

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yep i am a relatively old dude xD

may i inquire about your estimate ?

bests

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ya im 10 yrs younger than you XD

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What would help you even more, is to keep this list in your offline notes, mark a tick in front of it when you complete a particular task, then post it here at the end of day (copy, paste), I do the same.

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yeah that is a great idea. i am still testing diffrent platforms e.g. onenote.
may i ask what you are using

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I just use my Mobile’s inbuilt “Notes” App :sweat_smile:

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I’m honoured to be mentioned in such an extensive post! I truly admire your determination and all the effort you’ve put into thinking it your goals and all the things… In fact, I’m kind of intimidated by this! Being not that much younger than you are, stay you did impressed me a lot and at the same time makes me think…

Look, I’ve had certain plans before pandemic and they all seemed so nice but right now, despite rather successful life, I feel somewhat derailed and at loss for a new road. For the longest of times I’ve been a happy guy with people around him and after two years of pandemic it all feels kind of lost… But thanks to your inspiration maybe I’ll finally sit down and do my best to regroup forces.

Any good hints about that? I know you’ve written a lot… But i wonder if you have anything else to say about what I’ve written :wink:

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Heya mate :wink:

so since you asked for my words i am gonna share xD

Here you go

first of all age is really a pointless thing xD aftr18 or 21 or when ever you are leaglly grown up it really does not matter :wink: i have met kiddos that are 10 years younger than i am that had more life experience that i did up to that point… at the same time i know atleast one person who did not really enjoy his life till arround 46… and who jsut lived through the days… so yeah… it si cliche but every one ahs their own journey and takes their own time xD i mean you actually are a few years ahaed of me to deal with this stuf that si great! more options for the future;) the only thing that we can do … and i myself am trying to remeber this throughout the day is that every thing is a lesson if we pay attention and hence there are opportunites every where… again cliche but still very true- at least in my experience.

i am not quite sure what do you meanby lost do you care to elaborate?
is it about the fact that you miss ahving more people in your life? or more about your personal goals? or maybe a general uncertainty?

i wish for you to succeed but only as long as you enjoy the ride xD the way you write it sounds a bit forced so maybe you get rid of the feeling that you have to do that… if you feel like you have to it will either be a pain or you just wnat do it xD

set up enviornemnt where you enjoy beeing yourself and regouping xD

i personally am still figuring that put but when i amnge to achieve that state amazing stuff happens xD

you ahve propably notiuced that i ahve a lot to say about anything even though it is mostly reiterated stuff from the lessons i ahve learned and read about from others xD well writing does help me alot and as you maybe knwo explainig sth. is one of the best methods to leran and become mmore aware of these things byoneself xD

so ask away :slight_smile:

and reagrding the oandemic and people in general… yes it is a horrible thing … and yes it is also partially about political power plays and miss information and other bs… BUT in my opinion it is also a great present and lesson - again if one cares to learn from it.

Due to COVID i have learned where i draw the line things that matter to me and learned to apreciate things that i have taken for granted before. especially i have understood the degree of solitude that i ahve been carying arround all my life.and did not even notice that isuffered from it…

the past couple years i have seen how strongly i depend on other people and how i rely on others to feel good and succesfull… how much i relied on unconscious behaviours and subconscious patterns to survive… and the cost of that…
that is very abstract so let me make it a tad more specific.

i am a person with very little selfvale/selflove… and i have known this for at least 4 -5 years… but only in the pandemic where my support net failed since i got more isolated from the people that i ahve used as crutches through out my uni years i noticed how much"suffering i was feeling" and that me avoiding to deal with it made it worse… i actually reached a breaking point due to that… and well it was not pretty… really it was not… but… after breaking i saw the damge i had done to my self and continued to do… and also i understood that i can not go on this way… all the selfhelp/love/managemend bullshit didi seem important before that but i kinda did not do it whole hartedly… i half assed my life… my relationships… everythign i did for myself way half assed… if i wrote a paper on my own it was average at best if i ddi a paper in a group it was stellar… same with presentations or exam preparations… i relied on other people to compensate my weakensses and my outlish behaviour…

that in itself is human and good and helped me thoguh out my life.
but due to me relying on that i was completly unable to rely on my self when i had noone arround… and average is quite foten not good enough … it didi not make me happy…i was not enough for myself…i myself was not good enough for me… and i never was…

i am still learning to cope with the fact that "i do not know how to LIVE on my own i mean i can work and earn money, sure i can clean and do groceries… i can have some short lived fun and distraction, some entrtainment… i can spend time with people and make them enjoy them selves - well sometimes at least - but to me this has been put pilot… i did not get a sense of fullfiment, purpose or deep joy from it and hell maybe i do not have or many people do not do… but this is not enough for me… not anymore…
i am done with exisitng… with the auto pilot. i want to live to feel deeply to strive to elarn waht it means to have a good life. agian i am being cliche xD

i am quite greatfull for this experience of solitude… when ever i become aware of all the changes that have happned to me due to the pandemic and the mistakes i hae made…

i still spent 90% of the day on auto pilot but i am on my way out. i have quit PMO and won so much time and energy bakc form it xD now i also quit gaming xD and will see about reading fanasy stuff xD

so i have went on and on and on…

tbh i really did not know how to inspire you or whether this might help you but i thought about writing about ym experinces - well it is my diary xd- and if you are dealing with the lonieness as i did poor maybe sth even slightly similar you might get to draw some parallels that help you to feel understood or seen or maybe realte a bit xD

bests to you :wink:

and ty for reading xD

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It’s very alarming how much similar both of us are, my friend. Although I must warn you, when it comes to the the grand profession of half ass-ing one’s life, I might actually outdo you. I certainly am more talented in that space.

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I would also like to add that I find your profile picture very appealing and meaningful. A man who appears somewhat prehistoric pushing a huge chunk of rock which looks like a brain, pushing it uphill. The pre historic man symbolizes the mind( spiritual identity) in its primal natural state, being in complete control of the body( under the control of the brain, the material state of intellect and identity) and elevating it towards its goals.

My apologies if I sound lame. For strange reasons, every motivational image I see translates itself into a metaphor of self-control. Maybe because I lack it sorely.

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Nah, you interpreted that very wisely :fire:

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i am with @Samaranjay it is a good fit for why i choose the picture xD

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so the weekly update.

work on my thesis went pretty good the last couple of days, and since it was a weekend i did not do any “real work”

i skipped on ym exercises… and my back is punishing me for that xD
processing was quite nice! did it on a daily basis even though only for a couple of minutes jsut goin throguh the events, feelings, successes and gratitude works wonders for a sense of acheivement.
the GTW method needs a more thorogh set up… will work on that tomorrow…

i am still overwhlemd by all the todo`s, hence i need to get somekind of overview. I will built my personal version of the system this week :slight_smile:

i feel pretty good excepot for some urges hitting me due to boredom/lack of stimulus… keep thinking of PMO to the stupid hentai stuff… i am noticing how much entertainemnt i got from ths and that my life is pretty empty due to me ignoring many needs in favour of this bs… well i was in a lot of pain and did not know how to deal with it gladly i am better now and have learned quite a bit:)

since the urges are getting stronger i am wrting tis to sort my things out and also simulatnauosl yworking on my thesisi when ever i can.

i am prety proud that despite having urges i can simply let them bee and go in with my life :wink: really greatfull for “the easy peasy way :)” YEY when writing this my pride and sense of acmplishemtn is increasing and my urges are receding :wink:

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