Hey there dear readers
i am Sir_Tryhard.
i am a recovering Pornaddict.
i am a man of many words… you have been warned!
i am not big on spelling and grammar acuracy again you have been warned
- how ever i do apreciate the effort if you show me my mistakes
up until today i have been using/watching Porn for around 15 years. I have considerd myself an addict for 4 years. and my life went for a nose dive as my addiction got worse and i noticed that i am addicted. I have been walking the NoFAP way for around 2 maybe 3 years and my last real streak was 84 days. Most of my streaks used to be 2-4 days but after i commited for the first time to nofap (may 2021) i average around a week but that escalates due to chaser effect and is not pretty and goes sth like that:
hence i simply want to quit for good!
I am here now so to keep the current streak going : from 6.11.2021 -
There are quite a view ways to achieve them and i have tried some, by far not all. your posts reminded me that sometimes one hast to start from the very beginning.
And this is what i am here to do.
I realy enjoy the authenticity and kindness people show arround this forum. And i want do do my share.
I will do most of my thinking and processing publicly. you are very welcome to join me.
My goal is to go through the 90 days rewiring period and stay on track for the rest of my life.
As i go along i will protocol all the efforts i make so that others may learn from my experiences and have an easier path to follow when they abandon their addiction.
the main tool i decide to use (for now) is “The Easy Peasy Way” (by not Allen Carr → Fraser Patterson) here is the audio file
i will go through each chapter and comment the information that seems most important to me and how i am planing to apply this in a practical sense.
My current Status:
1. What are my current challanges
i am currently writing my Bachelors Thesis and the process in incredibly frustrating. i am not fond of accurate writing. I have a really ahrd time dealing with my mistakes and facing errors of the past. the entire process is gruesome to me but i finally want to finish my curses and become a grwon memeber of society completly selfsuficcient and independend
*therefore i strive to work daily on my thesis so that i can finish it in 2021
i work part time for an IT company i do research and compile data for presentations and wikis so my CEO has slides to choose and up to date information. i enjoy this work but iam not sure whether i will continue working in this field after finishing my studies
- hence i am searching for new jobs
- qunatifying my qualifications
- and working on discovering & developing my strengths
due to my addicitons and propably a bunch of other reasons i am fighting depression… so yeah i can relate to flat lines, low self esteem, self hate etc. etc. etc.
f****** COVID → as a student and a Partitimer Corona significantly reduced my social contact and there fore responsabilites and availability of a support network… you guys can propably relate xD so yeah I am also compensating this.
* **Addiciton(s)** xD yep "s
first of all PMO
after all sadly that is why we all ended up here (casual trolls excepted) xD
as stated above - i am done with this destructive habit- saddly it is not done with me
my specific issues are
fantasies - i am very sensitve to visual and audible triggers → and they tend to lea to daydreaming of some sensual adventures… that sucks when you want to keep the streak going… so i knida want to have one of these
stress - i have a really habbit of fapping when stressing/ beeing overwhelmed → not exactly a healthy way of dealing with emotions but well… i conditioned my self from a young age and yep now i am grown up and elarning better ways to handle myself → when i am understress PMO used to be my “go to coping behaviour/tool” it is not anymore (at least partially)
passion/intimacy since PMO is tied to sex and intimancy we are all basicaly screwed in that area -.-^ in my case i am a very sensual / passioante person and sadly my girldfreind and i went our seperate ways . since we ahd very diffrent longterm goals… so here goes my sexlife xD and therefore my sexual intimacy a major outlet for my creativity authenticity and experimentation… my ex certainly was a keeper but well it did not work out hence i am kinda high maintence and ahve an aversion to tinder etc… i want a deep and genuine connection which is dificult to get in these stupid covid times especially when a lot of hobby locations are shut down or running on with reduced capacities so it is pretty difficult to meet promising girls that can keep up emotionally and physically + my baggage of all that you can read here - i am not big on faking and pretending so i am an aquired taste xD. why is this such a bis issue for me. you can propably realte but the thing is i always had a lot of female friends and i took hugging, deep talks and advice/opinon exchanges for granted… well my ex is the jealous type and i cut off most of those contacts and it is hard to keep them up now that we have not had contact for 4 years or longer so yeah… i had an utlet with my ex but now i do not - well i obviously still ahve female freinds but not in a physical viccinity and platonic relationships are only satisfying to that degree… so dating will… at somepoint will be a topic -.-^
Reading/Watching Manga/Anime and other enterntainment sources
yep i am one of those hentai weirdos i am not proud of it and that is one of the reasons i want to quit. since i like Anime/Manga/Manhwa/LigthNovels that is a large chunk of my formaly prefered hobby that is prone to sexual stimulus especially with the increase of ecchi content-.-^ this sucks there for currently i am abstaining from all of the above
well luckily my Gaming PC broke down so no more Mass Effect/ Dragon Age and other RPG´s lcukily i ahve my gaminf addiction relatively under control but it still pops up especially when i am on a flatline with a higher NOFAP streak -.- so i need to be aware of that tendency
last but definetly not least: People:
due to my low sense of self esteem and other issues* - which will propably pop up in the topic below. i am getting a realy high from interacting with people this has been quite benefically to me in uni but it has its draw backs e.g. a lack of focus on my personal goals and assertiveness etc. thats why i am currently still learning how to manage my relationships ans social interactions e.g. i have been spending way to much time on this site in the last coupel of days xD - > but as long as it is benefical hurray
so i am an atention whore but i am am searching for a way to dial that down, if i overstep in any way pls do me a favor and tell me i will take kindly to it and not be offended… i am still learning to cope with all of this stuff
i know that there are quite a few of you here with far bigger issues than i have i do not want to complain this is jsut part of my process of understanding what is currently going on and what needs to be done to turn ym life around:) i would be glad if you had some patience with me
so these are the challanges i am currently facing probably you can realte with one or more of these if so maybe reading about i how ia am ahndling myself could help you on you journey or maybe you want to help me on mine it would be great if both would be the case
2. How do i cope with my challanges
- i am obviously abstaining from PMO
- i have limited my Gaming time to 1 hour a day and have currently no issue to stay below that marker
- i do not start any new Manga/books etc. and stick with the current weskly updates if i need some distraction from my urges or a pick me up in a flatline
- people in my imediate enviornment know about my issues but they themselves ahve more selfdiscipline or have healtheir coping habbits hence they do notahve such a hard time dealing with any of this situation
- i am currently working on Implementing the [GTD method] for time management to prevent my self from overworking and getting overwhelmed by all the things i want to do
- i came to this forum to systematically apply everything i ahve learned in the past 2 years and start anew
- i have opened an introduction thread and started the search for likeminded accountability partners
- i am currently commited to writing atleast one post or writing in my personal diary to prevent myself from relapsing
3. Other notes and usefull links
there will be stuff here … i just do not know what yet…
so here is sth cute to look at while iam figuring out what
oh yeah and if you are currently here for a distraction you could definelty check out the NOFAPING Poets Society maybe you could also share some of your inspiration or vent your frustration!
well this kinda got out of hand
ty for reading
keep your streaks going