[26M] The_integrous_one's diary

The_integrous_one · February 2, 2024, 6:48am

2nd Feb 2023 Day 0
Wellll I seriously need to buckle up now and more importantly I need serious accountability, I’ve had a lot of relapses since 2024 started (10 or 11 if we have to assign a number to it), which is quite not like me, usually starting of the year used to be great no fap wise.
I have a couple of things on mind, when I do this badly in no fap my hair get weak, I am not sure about the connection but I’ve noticed this, that’s actually a big reason not to relapse, though my hair has gotten better because of proper oiling but I still need that extra push.
I have a stupid confession to make, a girl from Dallas US has been texting me lately, things got comfortable and she started sending me some provocative pics so now I’ve blocked her. Further got rid of everything that had the potential to cause harm.
I’d not been following proper routine here, I stay in bed till noon and do nothing, it has gotten extremely cold here for past three days, that was one of the reasons for this.
Also I have to meet up with a friend on 8th Feb and it’s been long since we met, I can’t show up with this fd up mental state obviously plus I have to be back at work by 9th.
Soooooo starting today I seriously wanna take an oath now to set highest streak now but I am having self doubts, Though I know I can make it, I’ll just have to stick to good habits.

The habits that I am gonna follow at home:

Regular morning workout with dumbbells, prayer, meditation, oiling my here before sleeping every 2-3 days (haven’t done in last 4-5 days so today night), playing when weather ia good and my friends are also playing, practicing guitar (dedicated 1 hour of practice), reading Bhagawad Gita (Dedicated time for it 15 minutes at least).

Habits to be followed at work:

Morning prayer/meditation routine, reaching work on time, reading manuals in free time, working out in gym in evening (Table tennis on rest days instead of gym).

Common routines at home and work:

Going to bed before 12, possibly before 11:30 if possible but 12 is max limit.
Posting here every night along with what day I am on.

I usually start thinking about giving up on counting days after a few days and when that happens I tend to shirk off and then relapse so gonna stick with counting atleast until I cross my highest streak which is 134 days, will set a separate action plan or continue the same after reaching day 100 because that’s the time when I get more vulnerable.
Andd Strict no to any intentional watching of provocative content.

I have to be extra vigilant in following atleast some of the good habits on the days when I am supposed to travel because those are the days when my mindset gets weak.

Action plan for today, short nap now, then workout, lunch, follow rest of the habits till evening, play if friends are playing, if not then spend that time in learning guitar and some time with family.

Ok then all set, seeya at night.

The_integrous_one · February 2, 2024, 6:15pm

02/02/2024 Day 0

Well I literally did nothing today, just rested, took two naps lol.
Then idk why I was craving for some social interaction today evening but I only have basketball friends here and even those were busy, then I decided to work out and at the same time two guests arrived so the social insect got fed by interating with them , but I had to skip workout, then I spent some more time with family, played a song on guitar which turned out just ok, but I still posted it on insta , some liked it some didn’t but what does it matter. Now it’s 11:40, almost time to sleep as per the time I decided. Will watch one 20 min sitcom ep to close the day. And hopefully I’ll post a list of green ticks tomorrow night. I am planning to go to paragliding landing site tomorrow morning after following my morning routine to just chill for some time. Maybe I’ll also visit a nearby temple for more positivity for this new streak. Before posting here I was having some urges but now I am pumped up again .
Seeya tomorrow. Won’t use mobile in morning until completing my morning routine and habits.

The_integrous_one · February 3, 2024, 6:36pm

03/02/2024 Day 1
After posting here I started talking to a friend, watched some videos related to guitar and started playing and became quite late, slept around 3 I think . As I had plans for today morning but since I slept so late, I woke up late and saw that the weather had become stupidly cloudy and cold so all plans got cancelled, just attended a guitar class then played some more guitar, took a bath, had a short nap, watched a movie with family, participated in Kirtan had dinner and then came to my room. The mistake I made last night was that I didn’t turn off my light and that was the main reason I couldn’t sleep on time, further my mind was seeking some dopamine before sleeping and hence the chat with friend and guitar routine while I could have easily just watched one sitcom ep and then slept.
I so badly want to go out and play but weather is not allowing, I didn’t even workout yesterday and today maybe that’s one of the reasons I’ve not been feeling too good, tomorrow’s again gonna be cloudy and rainy but I’ll have to force myself to do some solid at home full body workout in morning so that I can enjoy the rest of my dah well. Monday and Tuesday weather is gonna be comparitively clear and I am gonna utilise them to the fullest so I don’t feel like I’ve wasted my off period, I’ll either go to play or just take my bike and go to some nice places nearby. Tomorrow I don’t have big plans just gonna follow my routine in morning have good lunch with family, maybe practice some more guitar and watch 2nd part of the movie that we watched today, I’ll also call some of my friends if and when I get time.
Mistakes to be rectified: Switch off the lights after going from here, schedule a detox for 2 hours in morning.
Goodnight.

The_integrous_one · February 4, 2024, 8:28pm

04/02/2024 Day 2

Only have three more days left at home , Thursday travel, gonna meet a friend midway, will have to mess uo my sleep for that and Friday back to work, I’ve already started getting nightmares related to work .
Anyway, I was again quite late last night, seems like a routine now, even then slept for around 9 hours woke up because the watch I ordered arrived lol, but as I had scheduled a detox on my mobile last night before sleeping for next morning I could easily find the motivation to workout, had around 45-50 minutes of good full body hiit workout, then spent time with family, talked to a friend for 1 hour straight lol, then one of my uncles visited us in evening, we all watched a movie, some of it is remaining which we’ll probably watch tomorrow, then we had some talks but then I got busy in insta, I don’t see it as a bad thing now a days because my insta has become customised according to me, there are no trigeers at all even in explore section unless I intentionally search something, but there ia some emotionally triggering content mostly related to love and all , I don’t mind any of it but since it has been interfering with my sleep I need to keep it in check.
I can see the rest three days as opportunitiy to make this off period worth it, hopefully weather will become clear by tomorrow or day after but even tomorrow I can try waking up on time and following more of good habits.
What can I improve?: Obviously sleeping time, it’s already getting around 2 at night, how can this be done? Gotta come to bed earlier and also keep check on time spent on insta, switching off lights earlier.
If this gets fixed morning time will increase and it’ll be easier to follow reat of the habits.
One more mistake I made today was that directly after waking up instead of going directly for workout I got involved in unboxing and setting up the new watch, so basically the point is, all other tasks can wait until I complete all my morning habits, I call them morning habits for a reason because if I don’t do them before lunch, I don’t do them at all. Anyway time to sleep now.
Oh and I totally forgot about guitar today , will have to focus there as well tomorrow.

The_integrous_one · February 5, 2024, 8:29pm

05/02/24 Day 3
Worked out well, did prayer and meditation as well, watched left over movie with family for some time. Practiced guitar quite a lot, had to shorten the strap of my new watch which took quite an effort, metal chain strap, had to remove some links by removing pins, removed one from each side but it’s still a little loose, didn’t have the will to do all the effort again so imma make do with it only , further metallic watches look better when they’re a little loose. My parents were telling me to go to some places in the evening with them while I had already planned to play so had a minor argument with them, now they are gonna take half day leave to go to those places with me so that I can play in evening , now let’s just hope it doesn’t rain. I had planned to play in evening today as well but it started raining just when I was about to go play.
And it’s again quite late at night, again 2 am , I don’t even realise how I become so late. Anyway I’ll sleep now not in the mood to think a lot.

The_integrous_one · February 6, 2024, 7:22pm

06/02/24 Day 04
Today wasn’t that great overall, After waking up just practiced guitar a little bit and then I had to rush to get ready, me, my grandma, my parents and my uncle we all went to visit two different temples and I hadn’t had anything to eat till about 3 pm , I usually skip breakfast when I am at home but I have milk and dry fruits and lunch around 1-2, today it was very late, as I mentioned yesterday my parents took half day leave to visit different places which were basically temples so I could go play in the evening and well after 3 we reached home I ate a little, hurriedly and got ready to play and it started raining, everyone of my friends’ plan to play got cancelled and I also had to stay back home and worst part is that it rained for only 5-10 minutes total .
And around 6 I felt hungry again because I ate less and that too hurriedly , had dinner around 6:30 itself, ate a little again around 9, we finished the movie Jawan which was half left, my sister is also here just for 1-2 days tomorrow if the weather stays clear (man I am so fcking annoyed by this weather now), we’ll go to roam around on bike a bit, or maybe some plan with my uncle let’s see, I am still thinking of playing tomorrow but not keeping any expectations at the same time I am not gonna miss exercise. I also have to leave day after tomorrow, will also have to pack tomorrow only, this holiday didn’t feel that much worth it but it is what it is, after every night there comes a morning. Anyway I am comparitively on time to sleep today it’s just 00:50. I am also planning on attending one more guitar class before going but the teacher hasn’t replied, again no expectations, whatever happens I’ll accept.
Ok the GN.
Idk why now I am feeling guilty about ranting like this in this post, it’s a feeling which I can’t even openly explain why I am feeling this way. There are a couple of feelings which I’ve been keeping bottled up inside and I am afraid they might come out as a blast on someone someday .

prince_king · February 7, 2024, 9:29am

Letting shit out is the best way to feel good. But don’t be an open book, tho we are enjoying anonymity here.

The_integrous_one · February 7, 2024, 6:49pm

07/02/24 Day 05
Went with sister to paragliding landing site, played basketball in evening finally, morning workout also done, though not to much. Will be leaving for Mumbai tomorrow.

The_integrous_one · February 8, 2024, 8:32pm

08/02/24 Day 06
I just remembered that I forgot to post here today, I woke up got ready left home, boarded one flight, met a friend, I have a lot of feelings regarding it now, will need to work on this, just feeling sad for now, It’s 1:55 hrs in the morning and I am in another flight now, will reach Mumbai in about 2.5 hours then for 2 hours I’ll go to a hotel then I’ll have to leave for work, so basically very less sleep idk how am I supposed to work like this tomorrow, thinking was it worth putting this much effort for a friend but what is done is done now, will probably have to depend on coffee or napping after lunch tomorrow and I did sleep well last night and even had naps in the day today. Let’s see.
I did prayer in the day while waiting, couldn’t follow any other habits, hopefully I’ll do better at work. Goodnight.

VAGABOND · February 8, 2024, 9:16pm

Goodnight Samaranjay
This time i got your name right

The_integrous_one · February 9, 2024, 3:10am

Bruh . … …
… …

The_integrous_one · February 9, 2024, 6:36pm

09/02/2024 Day 07
Despite getting very less sleep last night I still felt fine in the day probably because I was able to get some naps in the morning and in the day and also had coffee twice.

Went to gym after work for almost 2 hours, ran on treadmill (3kms), did push day strength training, some prayer and meditation.
Took a walk with a friend, he works here in a different department but joined almost at the same time as me, we act as emotional support pillars for each other many times .
As I mentioned yesterday that I’d been feeling sad since last night, same continued till today afternoon, felt better after following all the evening routine especially gym. I was on insta explore page few minutes ago and it triggered sadness again , I’ve developed this habit of going there before sleeping because it has been personalised according to me completely now, but a lot of reels are still related to love/heartbreak which again triggers sadness, can’t waste my energy on being sad no? . I also share some off the posts from there with my friends so it has become like a habit loop which is difficult to escape from because there’s posituve of funny posts and a type of socialising by sharing with friends, will have to think about something in place of this, rather than going to explore i can just go to dms maybe watch a few stories of close friends and leave then watch some sitcom/ standup to cheerup rather than looking for funny posts and go through the hassle of filtering sad posts on the explore page.

Well this seems like a pretty stupid post.
Anyway I guess I needed this, It’s around 12 already going sleep now will get aroung 6.5-7 hours of sleep, much better than yesterday but I need to invest more time on sleep here lol. GN.

The_integrous_one · February 10, 2024, 8:32pm

day 8
exercise, short prayer and medtn done, too late to sleep because had a really nice chat with a friend.

prince_king · February 11, 2024, 1:41am

When will you go off shore btw?

The_integrous_one · February 11, 2024, 6:05pm

I am there only. Came here Friday. I can acess most things here now.

Day 09
Well just worked, got good sleep becuase I skipped lunch to take a nap, suffering from cold because even tho it is hot in Mumbai they had made AC too cold, now temp is fine because we got it adjusted in our room.
Played three matches of TT, skipped gym, didn’t bathe because didn’t wanna expose myself to more cold. Talked to a couple of friends after work, Kinda like a major cheat day but I do need rest because of cold. Anyway it’s again 11:30 already and I have to be at work by 7 so goodnight. I haven’t even started reading manuals this time and it has already been three days here. Will start from tomorrow morning and also will do prayer before going to work.

prince_king · February 12, 2024, 1:36am

Man I regret not following your advices. Missed golden chance to crack IIT in 3rd year itself.

Also made very silly mistakes in questions I did wrong. Gate isn’t as difficult as jee advanced that’s for sure.

The_integrous_one · February 12, 2024, 5:56pm

oh, no issues bro, lemme know what score and rank you got when results get announced, now you woul have gotten the idea and you can do it in final year, that will also be a great acievement if you get a good rank in final year.

yes it isn’t, it just requires much higher accuracy though.

Amitroghates · February 12, 2024, 6:12pm

It’s too cold in and near Bhubaneswar, Odisha Now.

Awaken_one · February 12, 2024, 6:46pm

@Amitroghates I just checked it’s not too cold there mate? Or is it raining?

The_integrous_one · February 12, 2024, 6:51pm

Day 10
Cold is still going on, tho it has been only 2-3 days lol what am I expecting, skipped gym today as well but I did take a bath today, worked well, studied a little as well, sleep was fine (tho I am feeling that I am late today), talked to a friend on phone and then spent some time with a senior here who’s sick, I was there just to build up his morale a little which probably worked as well. Anyway time to sleep tho my nose is totally jammed .