[26 M] A Drifter's Journey

I have been depressed and addicted for so long that I can’t even remember the good parts of my life. I don’t even know who I am without PMO. Tried and failed thousands of times. “Thousands”. Trying to quit since 2013. But it never seems achievable. The mountain is too tall to climb. I keep slipping and falling.

Nothing is going to change in this Reboot. Nothing ever does. The goal here is to go as far as I can. No Limits. No final goal. There is no 30-day or 90-day milestone. Just want to be better!

I will check in hourly or as much as I can during this journey.

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Day 1. Feeling good. Time to start my day :clap:

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It has been about 10 hours since my last relapse. I feel tired all day. Very sleepy and no energy. Passing time playing video games. Cannot go out today.

I feel good though. My mood is better than other days. I think I can cross day 1 easily. I still have a lot of depression and anxiety. It will pass after 15 days.

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My streak was 2 days. Then I relapsed. Then I did a 1-day streak. Now its 10 hours from my last relapse.

There are lots of mood changes I am going through every day. Every day my mood is different. 2 days ago I was frustrated. Yesterday I felt horny (that’s why I relapsed). Today I am sad and depressed.

Every time I masturbate or when I abstain my mood keeps changing. My hormones are totally off. This is a useful observation. Now that I know that it has to do with lots of internal factors, mood, hormones and most importantly time and activity.

So, as I continue my new streak, I am going to decide to do a few things.

  1. Will not watch Youtube, movies or TV for this whole week.
  2. I will not play video games till October 1st.
  3. I will not waste my time on the internet.
  4. If I can’t do anything productive with my free time due to this sadness or depression. I will sit and meditate or sit simply. I won’t do anything that changes my mental state to bad.

Self-Sacrifice and Self-Discipline are more important that self-improvement.

And,

Do not trust your mind and its thoughts after 6 pm. Just sleep it off.

3rd try. Day 1.

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My age is 29. My anxiety dont get better in 15 days. Help.

Hey man, I feel you. I’ve also been struggling with PMO since 2013 as well…7 years I’ve let this consume me, hold me down and keep my mind hostage.

I feel like I’ve tried everything, but I know that if I truly want to get over this then I have to take control of it before it fully takes over me.

The best advice I can over you is the next time you feel an urge, just WALK AWAY. It seems simple, but it makes all the difference, because when we’re alone it’s so easy to put aside all sound reason and give into lust for that instant satisfaction. But if you can train you’re mind to look away and walk the opposite direction when you feel an urge, then you’re on the path towards freedom.