Oh shit 
. We should welcome you.
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LMAOAOAOAOAOAO bhai kya banake rakha hai is jagah ko 
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Why are all em top gs here? 
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Khandhar hai bhai ek dum
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20th May 1:19 am
It’s my first update in this diary and it’s already post number 25.
I don’t know from when I actually left updating, I specifically don’t remember because I’d been journaling personally using an app called “Daywell” and the app is 
, it has various short meditations from time to time, you can keep track of any habit you wanna build, it keep asking you about your mood and presents questions you can journal about based on your mood, hands down the best app for mental health, well I hadn’t used any such app earlier but yeah it is quite nice.
About my daily routine, I have built up a routine to directly go to gym after office (6-7:30 pm) and then swimming (About 8-9).
And One Major update is that I am gonna Join new organisation on 8th June (hopefully) medical examination is pending for which I’ll be going to Mumbai on Monday, I’ll have to resign here after medical examination and my posting is also Mumbai.
Well yeah now let’s come to no fap.
My whole routine has become kinda good except this one thing as always 
, and it does hamper with my routine and more importantly energy levels, I don’t feel fulfilled like this. But I have medical examination on Tuesday so I need to get completely serious about no fap immediately. That’s one of the reasons I am typing this here in the middle of the night today .
I am not that much regular here now because for once I wanna deal with things completely on my own, but yeah this forum does feel like home always, journaling here is more comforting than journaling on your own, so a mixture of both is needed, mostly journal personally but don’t abandon this journal.
I have some other things on my mind but those are mostly work related so no poimt sharing them here.
Anyway Goodnight.
Some day I’ll see you again.
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28th May Sunday 2:11 am
I have so much to write. Not a lot has been goining positively now a days.
I am gonna share everything I feel.
I wanted to hide my indentity atleast to some extent on this forum but in turn I had to sacrifice a lot 
, dead diary, no journaling etc etc.
This is a small issue, there is a major issue I’ve been going through.
I came to Mumbai for Medical examination Last Monday and I am still in Mumbai while medical was supposed to last 3-4 days max.
All my medical test reports were normal including blood pressure but when doctor in ONGC measured my BP it came high idk why and how it increased even more afterwards mayne because of some anxiety. Then I was given a BP monitoring device which would monitor my BP for 24 hours, Overall average was 132-77 normal is 120-80, Average is ok but it went quite high on some occasions during the day. I went to the doctor to show those BP monitoring report and he referred me to a cardiologist and he won’t be available before Monday. I have an appointment on Monday 12:15pm.
Well yeah fck 
I still haven’t resigned in previous organisation but I took leave for only 2 days for Medical.and it has already been 5 days .
People here have assured me that high BP won’t be any issue for job because all of my other reports are normal. But still there is some tension in the back of my mind especially because my training in previous organisatiom was ending and I have already missed final viva and two tests there .
Man I had no idea I would have to face such circumstances which are mentally heavy especially, plus High blood pressure 
, I am like wtf. This might be because I had become too lenient with my diet over past few months but it’s a good reminder even if everything turns out normal eventually which I think it won’t because I have been feeling a little heavy headed ever since this issue turned up .
If cardiologist doesn’t declare me fit, then I’d have to take medicine for a few days and then come here again for getting my BP checked .
But everyone has to face their share of struggles which they have been dealt with and there are people who are suffering much worse situations so I should still be grsteful for whatever I have.
I’ve been realising importance of money, time, health, good diet and what not .
Hard times are what make us really grow.
I had been looking for something to reduce the amount of stress and I chose the wrong way, I relapsed, yes I stupidly believed it would remove the sources of worry but I realised later that it does nothing than to increase stress.
Then today evening as soon as I heard that I have to wait till Monday and still things are uncertain what would happen, I decided that no matter how but I am gonna play basketball, I came back to hotel room dressed up, called up a couple of sports places nearby which I found om google and I found one place where people play, I played for solid 2 hours, the court wasn’t full size, it was small but everyone playing there was good. I didn’t have basketball shoes just normal sports shoes so I couldn’t perform at my full capacity but still nice games, loved it. I know my whole body will be paining tomorrow because I played after a long time but it was worth it.
And yeah writing diary here and venting like this is also a good source of stress reduction . Plus I feel that I am completely done with this addiction now, it doesn’t help in anyway and rather deteriorates every healthy aspect of life.
Ah ok. I should sleep now, it’s Sunday, since I’ve got this opportunity I am gonna use this to visit some good places in Mumbai tomorrow (Today lol).
I know no one’s gonna read this long a post, half the poeople on the forum don’t even know about my new name or about this diary as far as I believe . If you did read, Thanks and here’s your candy 
, enjoy .
Ok then Goodnight.
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Thanks for the candy. Goodnight Candyman.
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Anyways, everything will be fine!!! Take care!
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That’s the first long post I read because you have become occasional now
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. Candyman or Santaclause who knows 
Themks.
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I’ve finally been declared medically fit 
. I can go back now. Just have some minor formalities left here then I am free to resign my previous organisation, already booked a flight for tomorrow evening.
Man such a stressful week it had been, took exactly one week for whole medical process, it was kind of traumatising, one of the medical officers was a mam who was not supportive at all, she kept me under fear until last moment, Idk why such people exist, rest everyone was supportive, but I should let it go, tomorrow is the last day I’d have to see her face again . I hope I can somehow forget whatever happened with me last week . Good learning experience tho. Cardiologist has recommended me to reduce oily and salty food and have more fruits, now I have that extra push to stay fit which is a good thing. Anyway it’s already about 1 I’d have to go to sleep now, played basketball till 10:30 pm and had dinner afterwards . But I’ll take care about sleeping and eating well now on.
Goodnight.
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your bp is not too high…might have been elevated at the time due to stress, it’s called “white-coat hypertension”.
But it’s always a good idea to avoid salts and oils.
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Yeah it was most probably that itself. My head felt heavy all the time during those 3-4 days, it normalised afterwards.
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hello, brother
you’re not active for 8 days
what happened?
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My job doesn’t allow usage of most social media every two weeks. 2 weeks on 2 weeks off.
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It’s nice. But which job is it ?
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Assistant Executive Engineer in ONGC, I stay on offshore platform for 14 days, 14 days holiday after that so I am at home right now.
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Eesh only 38 posts in this diary till now, feels so weird. How life got in the way of my diary writing .
Anyway here for a regular kinda update
Day 0, yes it’s day zero, happened many times over last 2-3 weeks but I wasn’t acknowledging it.
Workout
Meditation
Prayer
Reading: Just read one thought provoking paragraph
Gratitude
Followed proper routine after so long.
So let me give a brief about what has been happening with my life so I can explain irregularity in posting here .
I work in an offshore oil platform which is in between the Arabian sea, I have to work for 14 days and then 14 days holiday in which I can return home on company’s expenses.
In 14 work days, I can’t take my phone with me, I can take laptop with me but almost all social media is blocked even RC, I can access Telegram though, which I misused there, I don’t think I need to expain how I might have misused it .
After returning home (now I have my phone with me) I misused not just telegram but every possible thing on the phone .
But what is done is done, every new situation poses its challenges, we have to learn to face them properly and develop ways that don’t lead to self destruction.
So I have decided that at home I’ll be following my old routine itself, workout after waking up, reading and spending time with family in the day, meditating and playing in the evening, watching TV, cooking sometimes, journaling before sleeping and that’s what I am doing right now.
I only have till Saturday at home i.e 3 more days, I have to leave on Sunday for a 5 days training, I might return to home for 2-3 more days before going to platform again on 27th of July.
I also have a two month training pending, it’ll be most probably in August.
I am mentioning all this so that you guys don’t get shocked if I disappear from here for two weeks straight .
One issue is that I don’t have forum’s accountability in those two weeks but I have friends from here on telegram, I can give updates to them or I can completely ignore my laptop as well . Both ways can work easily.
Now comes the talk about self control, it has become shitty but only in terms of no fap, even minor triggers have been disturbing me, but I know now that I don’t have to act on them, the path of lust won’t lead me anywhere. I was on a visit to various temples yesterday with family and I felt spiritually disconnected most of the time, such trip comes rarely and I felt that I have wasted it. But it’s ok, I can still improve myself and follow proper routine.
I’ll also have a new challenge, situation this time when I go to platform and that will be that I might have to do night shift duty and I don’t wanna mess my energy source and energy levels even more till then. Not stressing myself out about this but it is in my mind now that I have to take care of myself.
I spent most of the time with family today, we had a long discussion after dinner, I feel grateful that God has made me capable enough that people and my family can rely on me.
Then I made a list of some important things that I’ll have to carry when I leave on Sunday and then I made a list of things that I have to do tomorrow, basically work related but personal things i.e I have to make some claims online through company’s portal that would benefit me.
Ok then Goodnight, it’s already too late .
My nose has started to become stuffy , I might get a cold.
Quite a big post this is.
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Our old Samaranjay is back
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