The only tools the enemy has are deception and temptation. With truth and freedom of will, we can always overcome.
This is a beautiful thought for the journey ahead. Patience. One day at a time, we win this race.
Thank you for sharing my friend. GOD bless you.
Thank GOD for another day!
I went through trials today. I was violently thrown out of a highly sexually-explicit dream this morning. The dream was so vivid, so lecherous and animalistic; I can only describe it as pornographic. Moreover, it involved a female friend of mine. I woke up sweating and feeling deep shame and guilt, along with fierce arousal. Another reason why PMO is so destructive; as I struggled to find the same level of arousal from previous P videos, I sought out increasingly darker and more sadistic material. Videos that would have utterly repulsed me became the norm. Now, these consequences came back to me in my sleep.
It took me a few moments to come back to my senses and remember that this was only a dream, and I would never do such a thing to my friend in reality - GOD forbid! Iāve had dreams in the past where I logged onto those sites and relapsed, but never anything like this before. This was an entirely new beast.
My brain kept reminding me, āIn the past, after having a dream like this, relapse was never too far behind.ā But I told it, āYouāre right; in the PAST!ā There is no excuse to return to PMO. I need not feel ashamed or guilty for events beyond my control. This dream is only another manifestation of the urge to return to PMO. My body has seen that the other urges have not worked like they used to. The enemy is using new tactics now. By GODās Grace, I will not be defeated; I will stand strong and weather this storm.
I choose to be extra vigilant, as the vividness and extremity of the dream made it harder to purge from my mind. I cannot deny the truth in what my brain said to me - relapse followed such dreams in the past. The next few days might be quite the test of character.
Today, I didnāt complete the tasks I needed to or my exercises. I donāt want to make a habit of that. I spent nearly 2 hours browsing Instagram. No, I didnāt look at anything lustful, but that was 2 hours wasted - time I could have used to complete my exercises for instance. And that mindless browsing puts one in a dangerous position where you might find something you didnāt plan to see. In terms of sleep, I want to make a habit of being in bed before 11 PM to properly regulate myself. Iām waking up around 6 AM now but my body is rebelling as it hasnāt rested enough.
A reflection on my top three justifications and rationalisations for PMO in the past, from the Power over Pornography course:
1. I would hang around on āfamily-friendlyā platforms like YouTube or Instagram hoping to find material that shouldnāt be there, so I could claim I wasnāt responsible. Then I would say my streak is no longer clean - might as well, so I would search for increasingly more explicit sexual content until I finally ended up back on those P sites. This was a lie because I always had the choice to look away and continue living free and clean, regardless of what I came across. I was choosing PMO instead.
2. I would tell myself that of all the sins I could be involved in, this one wasnāt so bad. This was a lie which could be seen by the fruits of that spirit in my life. So much darkness as a result of my actions while immersed in the addiction. What is wrong, is wrong. We donāt get to pick and choose what immoral behaviour weāll engage in without also picking the results of that behaviour.
3. I used to tell myself that it was the last time, that I would spend the rest of my life clean. This allowed me to break streaks for any random and ridiculous reason. āMy streak cannot start on a Friday, it has to start on Monday.ā āNo, scratch that, Iāll restart so my streak will be 1st of April - haha April Fools. Iād be a fool to go back.ā āIām really feeling the urges today, obviously I havenāt changed, let me fully gorge myself and realize how disgusting it is so I can stop forever.ā This was a lie as if I continued to relapse in this manner, how would I ever be clean?
In the past before doing PMO, I have felt shame, regret, boredom, laziness, stress, anxiety, āhappiness anxietyā, depression, loneliness, overpowering insatiable arousal and more. After PMO, these emotions were only multiplied. PMO was not the answer, it never was.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 46.
Feel free to call if the thoughts are too much.
I want you to be present in the moment.
The dream has gone ā¦ that moment passedā¦ You got 46 days under your belt nowā¦ You should embrace New Challenge & difficultiesā¦ like you embraced that happiness inside you.
Keep moving higher & higherā¦ dont look backā¦ You have not arrived yetā¦ The Truth is before your eyesā¦ Wake Upā¦
Thank you my brother, this is very motivational!
I promise I will if it gets to be too much.
Thank GOD for another day!
Today was much better than yesterday. I faced all the urges head-on and I was victorious. Exercises completed, made some progress in my personal projects. Work was somewhat stressful, but I didnāt let it get me down.
If itās possible to quit for a day, itās possible to quit for a lifetime.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 47.
Thank GOD for another day!
I have dealt with the stress of the past few days and I have been victorious. All praise be to the Most High! Work was highly demanding this week, and I was reprimanded on three occasions. Iāve learnt from my mistakes and taken criticism on board without internalising it as I used to in the past - my self-esteem has healed with this streak. GOD willing, I will leave this job behind soon for something far more worthwhile.
Iāve completed week 5 of my abs workout program. There really has been a noticeable difference! I also feel more motivated to eat healthily so I can maintain this new level of fitness.
I posted my current strategy on the forum as well today; itās here - After relapsing on 46 days in 2019, thank GOD I'm now 50 days PMO-free! Here's how I did it
Iām so grateful for this new beginning!
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 50.
EDITED: My original post wasnāt clear and my friends have been worried that I looked at P recently! GOD Forbid! I meant to post a recent reflection I had with my friend, who had called me on Day Zero - 53 days before this post.
Thank GOD for another day!
Today, I was thanking my friend whose words brought me out of the relapse cycle 53 days ago.
Looking back, it was a serious Day Zero. One of those relapse cycles where youāve sworn youāre never going back and fail hard, so you just indulge while youāre there. When he called me, I had all my ex-favorite videos and websites up in the tabs. About 40 tabs to go through. During that call, I closed everything, I cleared my history, I started wiping my PC, shut down the TV show I was watchingā¦
It was a wake up call.
Iām so far removed from that state now! Not as much as an unclean Google search!
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 53.
Save yourself from the downfallā¦ 53 days is a lot of timeā¦ If you fall nowā¦ you wont forgive yourself.
Are you talking about the day 53 days before now?
Let me remove your confusion. Our friend has not relapsed.
The call saved him.
I must sayā¦ it was a call from The God himselfā¦ he was waking up forerunner via his friend.
I know ā¦ he always warns usā¦ certain signs here & thereā¦
I completely agree with you, brother. That call 54 days ago saved me and greatly turned things around. I could see clearly how much I was destroying myself and how it was affecting those around me. I knew that I had to find a way out of the addiction by any means.
Here is my experience. A week ago, my mother gave my 6 months old niece in my hands. She smiled looking at me. Then I thought what I used to do. I used to throw innocent unborn children in sewer (disgusting). On that day, I decided never to relapse. Whenever I come across any trigger, I remember that innocent smiling face and my determination becomes strong. 
@HappySoul That is a powerful experience brother! Remember that every time the triggers come. That one switch in mindset is enough to close the door to PMO forever.
Thank GOD for another day!
I havenāt posted in here as much as Iād like to. GOD willing, I will choose to post daily. It keeps me accountable and focused on my journey.
Iām experiencing a deeper sense of inner joy and peace these days. Iāve found that even sitting down on a bench and watching the world go by is a pleasurable experience. We missed so much in the past when viewing pixels on our screens in the dark. As my dopamine sensors are returning to normal sensitivity, Iām getting more pleasure from everyday life. PMO lied to us so much; how can sitting on a bench be more pleasurable than any PMO session I ever had?! No guilt, shame or regret afterwards, no increased stress, anxiety or discomfort - real life is SO much better!
I can feel the habit of regular exercise starting to fade as Iāve only exercised once this week. I will choose to pick up my exercises again and keep up my routine. Life is much better when we feel healthy and comfortable in our own bodies. Iāve started seeing my abs come through - I donāt want them to start hiding again!
Hereās another insight from my Power over Pornography course - Iāve nearly finished it now!
After being addicted to PMO for so long, we feel uncomfortable in making the transition to living free and clean. These feelings of stress, anxiety and discomfort will decline rapidly and continue to fade as the weeks go on. By about Day 50, youāll feel close to normal and realise that your comfort zone has expanded to include this new life.
You will still have temptations, but youāll experience much lower stress and discomfort. Youāll also notice a decline in the frequency and intensity of the temptations. There is no way around the stress; embrace it, feel the fear and do it anyway, recognise that you are re-training yourself to achieve a wonderful vision and overcome a devastating addiction.
In the past, we fought against this āPMO withdrawalā. Now, we embrace them because we know those feelings are leading to healing. The pain and discomfort are only temporary. This is good and doesnāt last long. Choose the stress, choose the discomfort, recognise that you are getting stronger and expanding your comfort zone to include this new life.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 57.
A usual headingā¦ I would like to talk with you personally on this God thing !
You are my Heroā¦ my friendā¦ Your diary comforts my soulā¦
To see ā¦ you in peaceā¦ i gather hope for myself too.
I am in a difficult situation nowadaysā¦ but i have become habitual of sufferings.
This is my statement of gratitude for each day clean. GOD promises in the Qurāan that those who are grateful for what they have will acquire more. I believe fully in that promise. Every day clean is a blessing after many years of addiction.
My friend, I consider that a great honour. Absolutely, there is hope for you. I believe in you. You can definitely make it out. You have struggled and strived and fought again and again. The time for victory is at hand. I look forward with great anticipation to watching you pass your highest streak and beyond. Your life will improve dramatically; I see that for you.
Remember, pain is temporary. It may last a day, a month, a year, a decade or more. But as we are fighting and working towards resolving it, it will eventually subside and make way for our greatness. The suffering will not be present forever. When you have rewired, you will have time to dedicate to other areas of life and improve them as well.
Thank GOD for another day!
Iām so grateful today. In a few minutes, I will pass my highest ever streak. This time is very different to the last time; Iām not fighting myself to get here - itās a labour of love. By GODās Grace, I will make it to 90 days and beyond. This is my ultimate streak. Day by day, step by step.
I was working security at a festival today, and I met a man who was clearly a drug addict. I could see the scars on his arm from shooting up and on his face - possibly meth! It made me reflect. With his addiction, it was evident all over his body. The poor man was young but obviously the addiction had taken a serious toll on his appearance. Ours has scarred us mentally. The difference is with time, we can rewire and heal those mental scars, but Iām not so sure what happens to recovered drug addicts - if they can regain their lost looks.
Always thank GOD for everything.
Day 58.
If they are not dead and still breathingā¦ i must say they can heal themselves to their original state.
This is powerful! There is always hope! Yes, after hearing you say this, I agree with you. If you are alive, then you can still heal and change your life.