Since I’m considering edging as a relapse, things are getting difficult and my steak is not increasing much. I’ll try to write grateful things
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I have read everywhere to write gratitude general. But I never tried to do it.
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Day 2 - I am feeling lot of tension in my head and since from past few days I’m getting cold and sinus issues frequently. But I think they are not related to withdrawal symptoms. No edging is a stepping stone for me to quit pmo. Working on the same.
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Day 3 - today I remembered how miserable I was before some days. I used to wake up at 10/11 and then masturbare for 15 mins while fantasizing and then I used to do brushing. It seriously impacted my life that I was not able to do simple things.
And one more unexpected thing that happened was when I saw a woman today, I was not fantasizing or having those thoughts. No fapping is changing my perspective also.
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It’s a waste of time and opportunities.
Instead of doing office work I used to get in comfortable position and used to do fapping. Slowly I will realise the damage it did to my life.
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Worse thing is that when I was teenager I used to do it very wrongly because I learnt it by myself Without a prior knowledge, I used to see static images and fantasize from days when I was a teen and it caused issues while peeing and changed a shape of p""nis part. I still didn’t quit it and continued for years ignoring all the physical problems that I learn to live with. Such was height of addiction.
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Day 4 - Quitting sensual videos and quitting orgasm was relatively easy to do. But no edging is difficult. It feels like I will forget about fapping when I quit edging for a few weeks. Edging was a roadblock for me which I’m trying to quit now.
About my miserable habit, I remembered that I used to get caught by close ppl (when doing it alone in my room)and it was so embarrassing thing to happen. I used to feel guilty but still I continued.
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Day 5 -
Urges still coming. Focusing on office work now.
About my addiction, sometimes I used to give up pmo for some days and then subconsciously used to do edging leading to orgasm to feel more pleasure.
Having this mentality like not doing for some days or weeks to feel more pleasure once you do pmo will lead to doing it daily.
Day 6 -
Had strong urges due to more frustrations that I had. Lot of willpower is required to focus elsewhere.
The more frustrations, more are urges. Normally if I would have not been fap addict, if urges would have come, I could have found out different coping mechanism, but now if frustration come I remember edging and fapping. But those do not remove frustrations.
Also today, I have deactivated insta account. I unfollowed lot of sensual creators but still my feed was getting bombarded by novel sensual pics/videos. I think they understand my past genre likings and are feeding me with those type of contents. Hence I had no other option than deactivating insta.
Day 7 -
Day is going well. No urges till now even when I’m sitting on my regular place where my pmo ritual used to take place. Sometime I feel that I have never done pmo. It is great feeling.
My neurotic behavior is also reduced.
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Day 8 - it was most unproductive day in a recent times.
I procrastinated everything and become obsessed with seeking new information about pmo.
One positive thing is about my habit of daily bathing which is also having a streak of 8 days.
Day 9 - Urges still come and when urges come they are strong urges. Though frequency is less.
I feel there are some changes in my overall mood.
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Day 10 - I have issues with fantasizing. I get triggered easily and urges are strong depending upon the trigger.
I am feeling something is missing in life as I am trying to quit internet usage along with pmo also.
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But I’m experiencing calmness that I had never experienced in a long time and I feel more in control and more self confident.
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Day 11 - Urges are less, but they are strong and make me want to give up and I feel like giving up and start fapping instantly, but I have not given up.
I’m experiencing second thoughts about quitting which I had not experienced before. It feels like I’m making myself deprived of a pleasure.
About other things, it feels like I’m not thinking that much and my mind is having empty feelings. There are some changes in way I feel pleasure, I’m not having the brain full of pleasure that I used to get at orgasm. It feels there is emptiness and finding same amount of pleasure in tv, music is not happening.
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So today I have edged for seconds again as my brain was empty and I wanted to get dopamine rush/hit.
I do not want to edge again, hence marking as relapse.
There was no urges due to fantasizing, but it was like brain was asking for pleasure.
I think there is need for me to look for natural sources of dopamine. I’m going to work on that.
Day 0 : I used to think that it’s a piece of cake to quit masturbation, but I’m getting triggered easily by pictures, texts, voice, sight of ppl. I’m fantasizing like anything and I’m starting the edging.
I feel there is no control over this. There is mindless behavior which constantly reminds me about the pleasure and reward of fapping and orgasm.
My old filthy behavior regarding pmo is also kicking in as soon as I started edging again. I’m feeling so much horny And want to reach orgasm by fapping.
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I relapsed, I had decided that I’ll masturbate to orgasm and I did the same. I was edging from past 5 days and today it was too much out of control. There was so much horniness in me.
I did it and I did not feel good or bad. It feels like it was of no use.
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Day 4 -
I’m having knee pain due to edging. I’m waking up at early morning unexpectedly since 3 days when I had orgasmed.
This is hard to believe, but pmo is causing this. My condition is worse today.