Indifference to the good in life and inaction to protect that good. These traits, amongst all the other bad traits, I deplore the most and I am no longer of that wretched caliber. If it’s a game, I’ll play, if it’s a war, I’ll fight.
My efforts now will be for the long run. I come back and write here because I want to be part of the community and I want to once again, love and trust the good in people and in myself as a member of something larger.
I’ve let egoism get in my every way. The root and stem of my various issues is myself. Particularly, the bad decisions I’ve made under the spell of passion and emotion and how I’ve reacted to life instead of act in a conscious manner. I chose the easy path and I’m paying the price. And this is right.
Now… time for me to work! I have 4 hours left in my day. Henceforth, I will post what I’ve done with my time. Thank you all who fight for what is good and right in your life. The world is better that you’re in it. I will join your ranks.
Godspeed!
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What do you mean? You mind explaining?
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It’s a quote from the Matrix… Smith asks Neo why he does what he does while he ought to see that its all pointless that you cant win, so why do you persist… and Neo answers, “because I choose to.”
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Wow, beautiful. Thanks for explaining
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Better yet, watch the series to get the actual idea from the source! Love it!
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Is it triggering? I have stayed away from movies for long, because they could lead to a relapse. I have tried monk mode, but failied. Trying again though 
Very few parts… but the main thing no way. Its a whole experience. The elevation to reach man’s full potential. Highly recommend!
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No excuse. Exam tomorrow. No time to dwell.
Posting a new and proper schedule tomorrow after exam.
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I’m trying Ringo… I’m tryin REAL HARD to be the shepherd. At week’s end on Friday, I shall commence a new routine.
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Almost a full year later… I’m back! Lots of great things coming.
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Brainstorm: Alright, the format is back to being a diary. I tried many ways to treat my being like a puppet I can control through these “plans” and being accountable to myself. It doesn’t work for me. The only times I’ve succeeded are when I’m engrossed in creating/generating/adding value to life, mine and others. All other “plans” are just games that I eventually get bored of playing. So I’m grateful to play the games that actually are meaningful and most importantly creative.
One new habit I’m developing with a group of fam/friends, is the consistency of daily fitness.
One challenge I’m facing now is to declutter the hoarded brass in my life that I’ve mistaken for gold.
In being the most energy/resource efficient as possible in carrying out specific tasks with their ascribed deadline, I find my mind clearing up again after my longest streak of a little more than 2 weeks this year ended a few days ago.
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My 2nd Marathon Sunday down yesterday. I’ll make this recurring thing.
It’s true that the further you are into sobriety and creative living, the more clarity you have. This is happening to me now. And I’m aware that it appears to tentatively increase my problems but that’s not true at all. It’s only shedding the facades of deception, lies, and ignorance I’ve kept up in order to mask the problems so I wouldn’t have to deal with them.
Presently — my challenge is to curtail unfocused spending of time. So I’ll be tracking my behavior meticulously and noting down the results every night here.
Major thanks to Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins.
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A systems approach is necessary to grow up.
Fighting one battle at a time with complete focus on that battle… I learned that from chess, that no matter how many games you’ve won or lost, the only game that truly matters is the game I’m playing now. Life is a like a complex chess game with elaborate rules, the conditional life that is (upon/due to which the unconditional is realized).
The reason I hate plans is because I never followed them, because I changed and they changed and because I spent most of the time making them and almost no time implementing them. Time to grow up!
Troubleshooting in progress.
Hari Om!
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@Forerunner bro today was a challenging day for me. And I clicked on your YT 30 day playlist… it took me until your Day 6 video to gather the strength to not give up my week plus streak after my longest streak of 15 days this year. My deep gratitude to you!
For those of you reading and want the link to Forerunner’s playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAmbqb3RdGg&list=PLrQrl_vrgt06wsd_wLEhuJS_Pw3Dh7Xxf&index=1
@_KarmaYogi dude thanks for reading up and leaving a like. It’s great to know someone’s following up on me. A major reason I kept coming back was that there’s a community and people like you who follow up.
Small gains for today. I’ve got a major change coming up next week and I shall remain strong! Thanks to this.
Next post will be a breakdown of my methodology… currently I’m at more than a week! Godspeed!
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So I had put everything off to the last minute, everything that has to do with moving out of my apt as I traveled back to visit my family and it was a hectic to say the least… I began my journey on Wednesday and ended it on Saturday. And since I’ve been recovering and only yesterday did I begin to get back into the swing of exercising! Screw Jet Lag XD I am unbelievably lucky, unimaginably so… in the way things worked out for me. I am truly blessed by the Highest. However I stress-faltered on the wee hours of the morning before I began the journey. And so the story goes that even after having so much to live for, the way I’ve programmed myself, needs to be replaced by better endeavors if I’m to honor the precious moments I’ve left to live and share with you all, with the world.
Alas I’m with my parents now and so far, albeit it’s not been long at all, I’ve revisited none of my past negative habits (although rumination is still present). In fact, forming quite positive ones. I return in 90 something days and I want to make this trip the best I’ve had in recent memory, perhaps ever! And that demands sacrifice, dedication and consistency, all of which I’m prepared to commit to.
My goals for the following week are to divide the days between:
- Focus on health through diet and exercise
- Plow through the personal/academic work I brought with me (use the Forest App)
Thanks for reading, may we all realize our greatness!!!
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It’s been approximately a week. I experienced heavy doubts yesterday on a personal, even existential level. I did not enjoy that but it felt right, to be engaged in this facade-confronting endeavor. It felt good because instead of succumbing to it or leaving it, I held on until I made way past it. I listened to some ACDC and some hard rock for starters as I was contemplating a bunch of negative feelings and having listened to a Dostoevsky novel, Daydream of a Ridiculous Man… it was great ultimately. I walked quite far in terms of exercise. I also dieted well.
I need a routine and learn to keep it vibrant. This posting here post-processing is good, not too much, not too little but I anticipate harder times ahead and so structure is essential. I had a great talk with a dear friend of mine and a great dream that we discussed and more. Good start to the day and its only 7am.
Here we go. I took a rest day for exercise on Hump Day of the week so that tomorrow I can set my baseline for fitness i.e. reps of various things to failure. I’ll be posting updates on an NTK basis. Growing up has to do with creating a new life, the old will vanish like a dream in such a case.
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Okay I finally fucking did it! I was walking like old people (well not really, I was walking long distances, even 2 marathons in the past month! But it was still walking. I’m 26 ffs! I can be doing a lot more… and for like 10 days I followed a six-pack ab app… I scrapped these laid out plans. Even though I spent the day being lazy (I should’ve walked instead of watching the dumbass VP debate), I sketched out a small plan this evening but MOST IMPORTANTLY… cuz I make plans for the dustbin all the time… I EXECUTED THAT SHIT!!!
I swear I didn’t count but I counted after I wrote down 99 independent exercises… out of which since I started so late, I did 25 of them! It’s a start!! I’m setting my baseline… so tomorrow, I’m getting started in the morning and finishing this fitness test so I know where I stand and what I need to train and how much!
Another thing that I let pull me down was my dad being a toxic asshole… I’m fucking done with his shit. I’m in quarantine now, not that I know anyone here especially… aside from 2-3 people (probably not a good idea to meet during covid) and a little kid that’s my friend too. I’ve been spending my time on online forums/groups cuz I want engagement (also another reason I obsess-played chess and lost big time too lol)… and I take the easy way out cuz until now I didn’t have a plan! I began to study a bit too today, that was new too. Overall, my days start out good, become okay then pure shit and usually somehow I turn it around so I don’t go to bed angry. Yesterday I listened to some ACDC haha maybe that will be good again tonight!
Long post! If you read this far… dude cheers!!! I’d love to hear from you too!
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